Considering CASTE in marriages?

Although the new generation does not believe in considering CASTEs when marrying as majority believes that it varies from person to person, but majority of the people from the generation of our parents still give a lot of importance to Castes. Our generation may call it backwardness or conservatism but i still see many people who give a lot of weight to marrying in a specific caste.

Many times, i have seen my phupo or khala saying that (no offense just an example) that Arayeen or Pathan or Jutt or Rajput or Maliks or Qureshis or Sheikhs or Kashmiris or Urdu Speaking and so on are this particular type. They were this type previously and this doesnt get out of their system. This is a good caste, this is a bad caste.
–Is CASTE given a lot of weight in your family?–
–Was CASTE considered when you got married?–

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

To be quite honest I think all this stuff about castes should be irrelevant! In my family my parents won't care if a guy is perfect but not the same caste as us..as in they will not dismiss a potential rishta just because of this reason. In addition you can't assume a person is a particular way just because of the caste they belong to.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

My family couldn't care less, I don't even know what caste I am..

My fiance is English so no caste cr*p there and my brother's fiancee is Bengali so no caste issues there either..

It's backward and pathetic, the sooner it disappears the better imo.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

islaam men zaat paatnahiiN hotii...sab musalmaan baraabar haiN...yeh baat ham ne HinduoN se apnaaii hai...isko maannaa gunaah hai. vaise bhii, ham ne zaat paat ko uske profession se mansoob kar diyaa hai yaa saHaaba e karaam ke Hasab o nasab se...jiskaa koi suboot nahiiN...sab qayaas aaraaiyaan haiN.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

^ Exactly! It is a hindu tradition which has unfortunately been incorporated into our culture. At the end of the day what should be looked at is what type of muslim a potential partner is, not what caste they belong to.

When you look for a match, you look for similarities in just about every aspect of life. Education level, religious tendencies, financial status, race, caste....even physical attributes, height, weight, color, looks.

Part of the reason for looking for similarities may have hints of prejudice, but for the most part, I believe the idea is to make the transition (for the bride and groom) as smooth as possible.

So to answer your question, yes, caste does have some importance, and yes, it was a factor in my marriage.

As far as the 'hindu tradition' bit goes, just about everything rampant in Pakistan is derived from hindu traditions, whether it be wedding festivities, or religious festivities. We cant toss the book at hinduism for everything, without looking at its deeper meaning.

For those who dont feel caste, or any other difference is an issue, more power to you. However, the reason why people look at these issues cannot be discarded without understanding their reasoning or intention behind it.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

I think that it is perfectly natural to identify with your tribe, cultural group or ethnicity. This is natural because the Quran says that Allah has made us into tribes by which we may know one another.

However, this does not (AT ALL) means that we discriminate on one another based on race or caste.

Indeed, the Prophet (PBUH) said in his Farewell Sermon: "You are all equal. Nobody has superiority over other except by piety and good action."

I think those people, for example Rajpoots, who are well known for marrying into their castes are doing wrong because they will not even CONSIDER anyone from outside their caste. This is not only haraam because you then assume superiority over your fellow Muslims, it is also socially harmful because then you have a social group in your society who will remain isolated.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

Being of the same caste doesn't mean u share more similarities nowadays anyway tho.. You can share just as many similarities such as education level, personality etc with someone outside ur caste.

Imo ppl who carry on these traditions are insecure and need to cling onto this stuff to make them feel good about themselves..

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

^ I agree actually.

In Pakistan, in Punjab for example, everyone speaks the same language, religion (mostly) and culture. So to say that marrying within the caste is to make the marriage "easier" is slightly dubious.

Actually, what's closer to the truth is many people see themselves as **better **than people from other castes and so wish to marry inside their own caste to keep their progeny 'pure', a concept about as far from Islam as you can get.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

The caste system means nothing in a marriage. It only means something if you want it to. I think its given importance because desi people like to set themselves apart from the rest somehow...like they are above average because they were born in a certain family. Hum logon ko gharoor karne ka bahana chahiye hai. "Hum arayeen hein aur hum arayeen mein hi shaadi karenge" and blah blah blah.

At the end of the day, my partner being a Syed wont make my life any easier or pay my bills.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

In our country/background, its not so much of a caste thing, its to avoid social disparity... For instance, rich, well off educated families would let their sons choose his life partner provided the girls from a similar family. I dont think theres anything wrong with that, its their choice/preference. Its not greed or anything of that sort, theres more to marriage than just a communion of two people, its bringing together of two families, and it helps if the families think and act alike.


Totally agree.

Someone in an older thread once mentioned it reminded her of old Nazi ideas about keeping their bloodlines pure. Sounds shocking when u think of it that way but have to admit I can't see much of a difference between our caste systems of marriage 'within our own' and their ideas of 'purity'..

Its hardly about keeping a pure progeny. No progeny is pure in this day and age.
Its NOT about being superior to anyone, and its NOT about racism. There is perhaps a small minority who actually thinks along those lines. However, majority of the people dont. The primary reason for thinking along these lines, as I mentioned above, is to ensure a smooth transition for the bride and groom.

What you cook, what you wear, language you speak, customs and traditions you follow, they all differ from caste to caste. And while no food, dress or tradition is better than the next, its true that a bride and groom will have an easier time adjusting to each other, if some of these every day issues are pre-resolved.

But then, there are people for whom the above issues dont matter. Good for them. My point is, just because a person chooses to find an person from within his/her own caste, thats no reason to raise the racism alarm, because usually, its not.

Look Silaaj, I'm sure many people do think along those lines to ensure that the marriage is easier for the bride and groom.

However, this is what I was saying before: if we look in Punjab, even though you have arayin, rajpoot, jatt, sheikh (etc) and many sub-castes, the overall culture, tradition, food, language and customs of one group of people and another group are primarily the same.

You cannot use this **as an argument for marrying **just within your caste. What you're saying is that if a jatt marries a sheikh, it's as if two people from radically different spheres of life are marrying one another, when that is simply not true. Look, marrying outside your country is different to marrying outside your caste. But what you seem to be implying is that the castes in Pakistan have huge cultural differences, and it isn't true!

These days, castes are the stale remnants of Hindu tradition - there really is very little difference in terms of day to day life between the different castes in Pakistan.

Secondly, the way people vociferously hold that: "XYZ-beratheri kay bahir karni hi nahi hai" as if it's an anethema shows that in fact, for most people who advocate inter-caste marriages **only **it is less to do with making marriage easier and more to do with feelings of superiority.

You mentioned your decision to consider caste in your marriage was for practical reasons, and of course, I cannot reasonably disagree with you being unaquainted with your particular situation, but it is not unreasonable to say that for others, it is purely about keeping the children in the caste!

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

in our family caste did used to be an issue and still is among some of my cousins families...i think caste issues are part of our tradition but wit time these should be erradicated..how can one being a rajput or a whatever have any weight on being a good husband or wife? i just dont get it...maybe it was ok wen we all used to live in tribes in whatever century...but now times have evolved and we too need to change and not dig our heels into 'racist' traditions...personally id rather have a husband who can provide for me and my children rather than one who is the same caste and hasnt even got a degree..the bigger issues should be respect and love not 'who' they are

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

Silaj, if you married because life would be easier for you marrying within the caste...great.

However, most people uphold the caste system to keep their bloodline pure and thats it. It has nothing to do with languages and food and customs. My BIL is from Hyderabad, India and my sister (we are Karachi people) had no problems adjusting into his family and he into ours. Originally, we are from Lakhnow and he is from Deccan...it doesnt get much more different then that...LOL.

The customs between families are not different...the only time Ive seen them differ is during a wedding. Sometimes people from other cultures have different rasms they like to observe...hardly a reason to stick it out with someone for the rest of your life. The food does not differ radically from family to family in Pakistan. The language may differ but most people speak Urdu and can adjust to each other well.

Its not about life being easier at all...just a way to make sure your kids stay within the caste. My own family has done it for generations but I dont subscribe to it, therefore I dont.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

[QUOTE]
--Is CASTE given a lot of weight in your family?--
--Was CASTE considered when you got married?--

[/QUOTE]

1) Hell Yes!!
2) As Above

I have seen my fair share of threads in Life1 with girls complaining about how their MILs have a habit of doing things a certain way, and how it bothers them. Most girls find it hard to adjust into a totally new setting.
Girls in the US prefer to find guys in the US, rather than importing grooms from Pakistan. Pakistanis find it easier to marry Pakistanis, because again, its easier to adjust, compared to say, marrying an Egyptian Muslim. Same rule of thumb applies to castes as well. The term 'caste' has been villified enough, because of its indian heritage, where castes were/are used to define high/low members of the society. But in Pakistan, generally people dont take it in that sense.

It is a simple case of adjustment. Nothing else. One of my siblings got married into a different caste. Reason was, that we knew the family before hand, and knew that adjustment would be easy.

There is no question of keeping a pure blood line. Perhaps 5% of ignorant people think that way, but a good majority of the people is intelligent enough to know that there is no way to ensure purity of the blood line.

For the record, I am against racism, which this thread seems to be highlighting....but marrying within your caste does not have anything to do with racism. A lot of people dont even marry outside their family, let alone caste. And the reasons for that are the same.....easy adjustment. Please leave race and racism out of it.

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

I dont think it should be a priority when considering rishtas etc, but i have seen elders discuss that "taur tareeqay, uthna baithna" is what defines each "caste" or culture...since these "castes" come from different cultures obviously..
when considering their childrens' life partners parents feel seeing eye to eye on issues, inlaws, rasams, even food preparation, daily habits, language,general way of thinking is crucial, since the couple will be dealing with them on a daily basis. Its another thing to impose some sort of a superiority complex into the proposals, which obviously is gunah. One shouldnt reject a perfect match solely on the basis of "zaat".

Re: Considering CASTE in marriages?

My family is quite strict with caste, but some of my cousins have married outside and now they are like family.

Caste issue may never end, the new generation may look at it in a backward manner, but from elders point of view, they want to send their son/ daughter to a family where he she can adjust easily and will not face problems or have issues with customs and living style.