I think it may help if instead of saying, "Lets talk," you guys create activities to do together adn discover things about yourselves and each other, letting the conversation flow naturally. Play board games, go out for bowling or skating; share fun activities together. I hope this helps.
no dear he is not that kind even if we go out shopping he says ..hurry up i have other impotant things to do.... games???? no way. but i wish he would :(
Have fun with your friends. Talk to them , chat with them. Spend time on GS. You will be fine.
ok so you mean i should leave the things as they are????
Was it ur lov marraige? thats y ppl say they gets change aftr Marriage
yes it was but our parrents were also agreeed so love come arranged marriage you can say.... i dont think he changed he was like that.. thats what his family says . just i guess my love was blind i could not see that before.. or choose not to see that???? may be.
I don't think her hubby's gonna babysit the kids even for few hours.
Person with no name
He won't change so live with it.
you are right ... :( but let me try a little more.....
koi faida Nahin..some people are just this way..I am in a similar situation too..nothing has changed after numerous arguments and fights..I have tried talking about this issue directly and indirectly but it has been totally useless!i guess it is his nature.nothing can be done except compromise and tolerance.
so what you did????? i mean are you happy like this? compromise and tolerance thats what my father says i am made of..... though he hates it. he wanted me to be braver :( i am not!!!!!
so you mean giving up would be the end result?
I'll be straight with you. You are expecting way too much from him.
If YOUR interests are painting, writing, - what does he have to do with that. Pursue you passions and dreams with or without him.
You cannot replace his friends, his parents. They have their own place. Just as his friends cannot replace you. You have your own place.
I think you have LOST yourself. Find what makes YOU happy
I'll be straight with you. You are expecting way too much from him.
hmmm may be . and thats what i am trying to find out .. is it so?
If YOUR interests are painting, writing, - what does he have to do with that. Pursue you passions and dreams with or without him.
hmmm ok.
You cannot replace his friends, his parents. They have their own place. Just as his friends cannot replace you. You have your own place.
i never wished to replace any one just asking for my own......
I think you have LOST yourself. Find what makes YOU happy
you are very right in that.... i did lost my self to make him happy... thats why i want him to make me happy ...... should i not be expecting anything in return??? and i do not want to make my own world with out him .. no way for sure i just want him to make HIS and MY life OURS.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU STILL THINK ITS TOO MUCH.
Sometimes we get so involved in marriage or relationships we forget ourselves? Does that make sense?
Men dont like women who chase them and bug them to do things together. They have to chase you and want you...it sounds so primitive but thats what it all boils down to.
The best way is to get involved in your own life. Get out and leave the kids with him for a night to be with your friends, hang out with your family, take a class, paint, draw, community service, volunteer work, etc. Make him realize you're more then just a baby-making machine. He wont respect you or your time otherwise.
YOU KNOW WHAT? you have a point..... i agree with you. but here comes another problem... HE HATES MY OUT DOOR ACTIVITIES.. now what????
Re: confused!!!!!!
This
^
Atleast he says thanks. A large number of husbands would assume this to be a 'duty' of a wife. (JK).
Men are all not same and so there's no 'cook book' or 'instructions manual' that would guide you into his heart!
you are right i know i cant get any instructions manual here but still here i am looking a for some suggestion some tip... any thing that may help me understand what should i do..... like here some say.. do this do that may help. some say do thothing its going to be like that. ....... .. you know! mashwera is always usefull. isnt it ?
This
WHAT?????
Re: confused!!!!!!
This is something very common and I have heard so many Bhabi's complain about their husbands in this way i.e. they don't get enough attention from them etc.
You need to play a sort of game. This isn't a mean game or a game to seek revenge. Rather it will help gain his attention.
When he comes home from work - don't nag your Hubby. I have heard so many Husbands say this too often that when they come home from a long day all they want is some peace. Don't tell him all about your day and what you did while he was at work etc - no matter how tempting or desperate you are to talk to someone. When Hubby comes home from work - give him his space. Give him at least 30 mins of his 'own' time. Just say hello and how are you but don't talk about yourself in this time. Give him his food and sit with him but let him do the talking if he wants to do any. If he watches the sports, goes for a smoke - let him do whatever he wants. He will get fed up if his wife nags him. I am not saying 'give up' on him just to give him his space.
Next don't complain to him about anything, from kids, inlaws, what happened with next door neighbour etc. Try to change yourself, make yourself cool and calm. Don't take things to heart. If someone says something - ignore it with a smile. You have to find ways to make yourself happy. Involve yourself in other activities with neighbours and friends e.g. one dish get to gethers etc. Go out to the park everyday with your kids as this does wonders to the mind and makes you feel fresh and relaxed. Carry on with your paintings and do it with the kids. Make a mess and have a laugh.
Get a facial done and spoil yourself at the beauty parlour. Make yourself feel good. Go shopping and eat hot fudge! So what if you have kids, take them with you even to the parlour! My baby would sit on my lap while I would get my facial done. Pamper yourself. Keep yourself looking smart all the time as its important to feel good about yourself. It will please your husband.
In time your Husband will give you all the attention you deserve. It just sounds like you both need some room to breathe - him more. But this is natural and happens. Just try to stay happy and involve yourself with your kids more.
YOU KNOW WHAT? you have a point..... i agree with you. but here comes another problem... HE HATES MY OUT DOOR ACTIVITIES.. now what????
Then so what? :) You enjoy them to the full.
WHAT?????
I wrote 'this' and my little one hit the 'enter' key!!!! :)
Every woman who complains that her husband does not listen to her, or talk to her... should read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" and every man who thinks his wife is speaking another language should do the same.
Signed,
SU
SU! is there any website, u know, from where this book can be downloaded?
This is something very common and I have heard so many Bhabi's complain about their husbands in this way i.e. they don't get enough attention from them etc.
You need to play a sort of game. This isn't a mean game or a game to seek revenge. Rather it will help gain his attention.
When he comes home from work - don't nag your Hubby. I have heard so many Husbands say this too often that when they come home from a long day all they want is some peace. Don't tell him all about your day and what you did while he was at work etc - no matter how tempting or desperate you are to talk to someone. When Hubby comes home from work - give him his space. Give him at least 30 mins of his 'own' time. Just say hello and how are you but don't talk about yourself in this time. Give him his food and sit with him but let him do the talking if he wants to do any. If he watches the sports, goes for a smoke - let him do whatever he wants. He will get fed up if his wife nags him. I am not saying 'give up' on him just to give him his space.
Next don't complain to him about anything, from kids, inlaws, what happened with next door neighbour etc. Try to change yourself, make yourself cool and calm. Don't take things to heart. If someone says something - ignore it with a smile. You have to find ways to make yourself happy. Involve yourself in other activities with neighbours and friends e.g. one dish get to gethers etc. Go out to the park everyday with your kids as this does wonders to the mind and makes you feel fresh and relaxed. Carry on with your paintings and do it with the kids. Make a mess and have a laugh.
Get a facial done and spoil yourself at the beauty parlour. Make yourself feel good. Go shopping and eat hot fudge! So what if you have kids, take them with you even to the parlour! My baby would sit on my lap while I would get my facial done. Pamper yourself. Keep yourself looking smart all the time as its important to feel good about yourself. It will please your husband.
In time your Husband will give you all the attention you deserve. It just sounds like you both need some room to breathe - him more. But this is natural and happens. Just try to stay happy and involve yourself with your kids more.
AAAAH! what a lovely life you discribed...... my dear he is the one who has the money i get a small pocket money :) he is the one who would PERMIT me to go out.... other wise i am not supposed to. have no permission for that.... i think little says alot.
SU! is there any website, u know, from where this book can be downloaded?
i was going to ask the same.
AAAAH! what a lovely life you discribed...... my dear he is the one who has the money i get a small pocket money :) he is the one who would PERMIT me to go out.... other wise i am not supposed to. have no permission for that.... i think little says alot.
The life I described isn't easy and takes a lot of effort.
Why don't you find a way to sell your paintings and make a bit of money for yourself? I would hire a stall and sell my art work at my local park whenever they had a summer fair etc. Or ask friends etc or parents at local school if they are interested in buying your art.
Get a job once kids are in nursery etc. This will keep you busy. If he doesn't let you then he needs to give solid reasons why. He can't make you stay at home or not go to the park. What country are you in out of interest?
Re: confused!!!!!!
u know what.. u need to ignore ur husband a bit.. ignore not in negative sense.. i mean to say dont give him too much attention..keep ur self busy in other activities in home, specially in front of him, specially when he expects u to be there for his service..bohat agay peechay phirnay ki zaroorat nahi hae k ap ne khana kha liya? aur khaein gay? ye cheez pasand nahi to kuch aur bana don? thora sa rest kr lein? etc etc bohat g g krnay wali biwiyon se bhi mard ukta jatay hein..
he will definitly notice that u have changed ur focus..
Re: confused!!!!!!
^ Your right. I wanted to say 'ignore' too but didn't incase it caused offence. He will notice change in her too.
u know what.. u need to ignore ur husband a bit.. ignore not in negative sense.. i mean to say dont give him too much attention..keep ur self busy in other activities in home, specially in front of him, specially when he expects u to be there for his service..bohat agay peechay phirnay ki zaroorat nahi hae k ap ne khana kha liya? aur khaein gay? ye cheez pasand nahi to kuch aur bana don? thora sa rest kr lein? etc etc bohat g g krnay wali biwiyon se bhi mard ukta jatay hein..
he will definitly notice that u have changed ur focus..
I think u r right too, thats why i wanted her to go out and leave him at home without her there!