i am posting after a long time, yaar as u all know or must have read my past thread about my stupidity and how i lost my EX due to my lies and all and then she got married and everyone i know as well as guppies advised me to move on and let her live her life, so i did and got myself bzz in finishing my studies and then Job, i changed a lotta things in life and the way i did things and to be honest i felt good about myself, it had been almost 2 years and i was pretty happy with everything and i kinda started liking a very close friend of mine, khair one day around 3 weeks ago i get a call from a private number at work on ma cell and when i picked up a voice on the other side said "HEY, KAISAY HO? " and in the whole wide world the only person who used to say this was my EX and i was so happy that i hadnt been in a while, khair n e ways we talked for a couple days and she told me that she separated from her husband and we talked for hours like we used to b4 when we were togather but obviously she kept on reiterating the fact that she only wanted a friend who she could share her feelings with and i willingly agreed but one fine day all of a sudden everything stopped, i got blocked on MSN, blocked on FACEBOOK with no aparent reason i did not say n e thing that would offend her or make her unconfortable other than the fact that the second day she called she asked “DANIAL DO U STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME?” and i went quiet cuz i did, and obviously so many days that she called she called from a PRIVATE NO. and i never asked so that she wont get uncomfortable as she said she was using her mothers cel, khair i basically convinced myself that i have no right to bug her and that if she stopped talking it was for a reason or wateva the case mite be but since then the feelings that i got over are back and the other girl that i like started feeling a distance and today finally she confronted me and i told her the truth and for some reason i found out the she started liking me too and for the first time i saw tears in her eyes, i don friggin know wat to do, samajh nahi aata kab chhutkaana paaoonga from my memories as well as my guilt.
aww your post just made me all sad and teary eyed for some reason... :(
I really dont know what else to say, I dont think you were wrong... as someone who once loved her you tried to be supportive and listened to her in her time of need.... that was very nice of you.... why she stopped talking to you, God only knows.... in the future I would advise you to ignore her altogether.... talking to her again only wreaks havoc with your emotions... as for the other girl.... I hope things work out for you all if it really is meant to be.... try to forget the first one again as hard as it may be... may Allah make it easier for you....
General rule of thumb stay away from confused type people, they usually will use you as a prop to sort out their life. People who come and go are not good news either.
thanx guys, but AQ bhai the problem is not key meree EX ney call kiya or any thing infact key when will her existence not bother me, i mean no matter how much i want i cant fget her, she is there at the back of my mind always and by that i dont mean key i am gonna do n e thing about that but wat i am worried about is that key when and if i get married and then by chance my EX calls me again will that ruin my life with the innocent girl who had nothing to do with the whole story.
To tell you the truth I am kinda surprised that in this day and age a person can have feelings over relationships that have long been broken off. Seriously I thought that only happened in movies.
getting her off from your head after your marriage is matter of you realizing that she has a life with a different man and you need to have feelings for your wife and no one else and perhaps you can inform that innocent girl of the situation and make sure to tell her that you have moved on from that part of life PLUS strictly tell your EX to stop calling you. You have to be strong and take your innocent wife in confidence in this matter...
To tell you the truth I am kinda surprised that in this day and age a person can have feelings over relationships that have long been broken off. Seriously I thought that only happened in movies.
and y do u think dat, i mean it all depends on the person and the kinda nature one posesses. Unfortunately it is not the best thing to be in but i am,
AQ bhai i agree wid u but thats the reason that i dont wanna be unfair to someone else,
as far as being with a married women goes as far as i know or have been told EX has been separated or divorced (i am not sure) from her husband and i duno if she is back together with him and to be honest i dont wanna be back with her either as she has no place in my life but i am worried about these feelings that make me week.
The more you talk to her the harder it'll be to forget and move on. It must be sooo tough to stop seeing/talking to her but that is something you have to make yourself do (wese bhi you don't wanna get back with her).
Otherwise you'll just keep going in circles and making yourself crazy over something that is most likely never going to happen.
i am posting after a long time, yaar as u all know or must have read my past thread about my stupidity and how i lost my EX due to my lies and all and then she got married and everyone i know as well as guppies advised me to move on and let her live her life, so i did and got myself bzz in finishing my studies and then Job, i changed a lotta things in life and the way i did things and to be honest i felt good about myself, it had been almost 2 years and i was pretty happy with everything and i kinda started liking a very close friend of mine, khair one day around 3 weeks ago i get a call from a private number at work on ma cell and when i picked up a voice on the other side said "HEY, KAISAY HO? " and in the whole wide world the only person who used to say this was my EX and i was so happy that i hadnt been in a while, khair n e ways we talked for a couple days and she told me that she separated from her husband and we talked for hours like we used to b4 when we were togather but obviously she kept on reiterating the fact that she only wanted a friend who she could share her feelings with and i willingly agreed but one fine day all of a sudden everything stopped, i got blocked on MSN, blocked on FACEBOOK with no aparent reason i did not say n e thing that would offend her or make her unconfortable other than the fact that the second day she called she asked "DANIAL DO U STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME?" and i went quiet cuz i did, and obviously so many days that she called she called from a PRIVATE NO. and i never asked so that she wont get uncomfortable as she said she was using her mothers cel, khair i basically convinced myself that i have no right to bug her and that if she stopped talking it was for a reason or wateva the case mite be but since then the feelings that i got over are back and the other girl that i like started feeling a distance and today finally she confronted me and i told her the truth and for some reason i found out the she started liking me too and for the first time i saw tears in her eyes, i don friggin know wat to do, samajh nahi aata kab chhutkaana paaoonga from my memories as well as my guilt.
tell me if i am wrong though out this mess.
In my opinion, I would simply cut all contact for now. Here are my guesses:
A - She probably was separated from her husband for a few days due to a fight or big argument and started feeling a bit lonely. People call their ex's in situations like these. I dont know if she is back with him but it seems like she is and thats why she was calling you from a private number. I dont think she would have blocked you from MSN and Facebook if she was still separated from her husband. This is just my guess on her situation. I also feel she is still a married woman and shouldnt be reaching out to you like this.
B - You are not over her. You shouldnt be talking to her at all. She can find a million friends but she knows you will be there with your arms wide open all the time. This is the definiton of a security blanket. Someone who will be the backup plan no matter what. You also have no reason to be talking to a married woman. Let her get this matter resolved and then step up if you want but now is not the time. Why? She doesnt belong to you...even as a friend.
C - You have now emotionally involved a third party and she is hurt through no fault of her own. Not good. This girl is innocent and deserves to have all your attention. So, give it to her...focus on her only and drop your ex.
Even if you dont do it for this new girl in your life...do it for the sake of your sanity. Your ex is probably a nice girl but she is confused at this time and needs to sort out her life with her husband. Likewise, you need to move past her and focus on yours. You cannot do that if she keeps popping up like this.
Also, if I sound a bit too direct...forgive me? Its just the way I talk...lol
Brother Kaun, forgive me for what I am going to say, but that is in no way intended to judge you but to tell you the fact (in my sincere opinion). You might be suffering from something which even an ordinary person like me can suffer from, even repeatedly at different stages of life. It can happen to anyone. It is weakness of "Imaan".
When "Imaan"(Faith) is weakened, irrelevant people take place in our heart more then they should. A strong "Imaan" gives us an ability to easily remove all the irrelevant girls from our mind and heart and only love our wife more than anyone else not because of anything else but because she is our wife, even if she does not posses some of the qualities we want and are present in girls not related to us.
You are not going through an abnormal situation. You are a lot better than me, even a person of below medium character like me can also suffer from it. The ONLY solution is to increase Dikr (remembrance) of Allah (s.w.t), practice with full sincerity our religious duties, family and job responsibilities and all the other things we are responsible for. When you let the necessary things in your life to speak, the unnecessary would vanish itself. The unnecessary bother us when we are siting idle and not give time to the necessary.
**
After she has married, her thoughts are satanic for you, because she is forbidden for you now, according to any religion. If you want to remove this pollution from your mind, heart and soul, treat it with the remembrance of SOMEONE whose remembrance purifies everything. We all knows who this "SOMEONE" is.
**May Allah (s.w.t) bless us with the wisdom and strength to follow the path which HE wants us to follow.
Okay, now I know I'm a guy, but I'm seeing a lot of negatives here for the girl being bashed unnecessarily.
Looking at the entire story, you have to really look into details and not stereotype a situation or someone. At first that girl was in love with you, she finds out your lies and gets heartbroken, marries someone else. For obvious reason, things don't work out with the other someone, or at least not as good as one would expect from their marriage to be.
Lastly, she also isnt over you, and tries to convince herself to just be friends with you at least. Then she discovers you have feelings for her too, and she doesn't want things to go bad as her situation now is 'still legally married not divorced', and being a good girl, she doesn't want any wrong or guilt.
So basically she doesnt know about your other girl, she doesnt know she's creating any problem in your life by just being a friend.
First of all you need to really sit and think and rationalise your true feelings, what you feel for whom. You have two options if you think about sorting this whole thing out after that:
If you still love your EX, tell her the truth. Tell her how you were considering this other potential GF for a relationship/marriage or whatever. But that your preference would have been her if she were not married. So if she tells you she loves you still too, then ask her to honestly tell you if she thinks her marriage is expected to work out and whether she would return to her husband or she wants to leave him and marry you. If she decides the latter then you should know that you have to be man enough to stick by her and through it.
If she tells you she doesnt have any more feelings for you and wants to work on working things out with her husband, then support her decision but tell her you cannot be her friend anymore because you have feelings for her and it gets in the way of you seeing anyone else quite potentially as you would have otherwise. So say Khuda Hafiz gently and wish her best.
thats what I would do in your situation :)
I know neither of the above are gonna be easy for you, but hey, life's a *****!
General rule of thumb stay away from confused type people, they usually will use you as a prop to sort out their life. People who come and go are not good news either.
I dont have any suggestions as to what you should do because at the end of the day, everyone's life circumstances are different and I'm not one to think any two situations might be the same. Because on all levels, people's feelings for eachother differ and thats what makes a certain situation quite unique.
khair out of all the replies i wanna point to one response and that was of AMIRSHAHZAD
BRO as far as ur suggestion goes it is really good but the fact is that I told her that i like someone else and that i am going to tell her soon so basically i did not give my EX any signs or reasons that we will or should be back.
SUBMISSION boss i agree with wat you said, My imaan is weak and thus here i am confused…
PSQUARED thanx ur suggestion makes a whole lotta sense
Khair at the end of the day there are a lotta things to consider but saali yeh yaadein aadmi kee vaat laga detee hain. Khair thanxi got a clear sign and msg that its time somehow MOVE ON.I dunno how but lekin yeh koshish bhi kar key dekh hee letey hain
BRO as far as ur suggestion goes it is really good but the fact is that I told her that i like someone else and that i am going to tell her soon so basically i did not give my EX any signs or reasons that we will or should be back.
When you did you tell her that? Do you think it was just before you got blocked on msn and facebook etc?
the girl still has feelings for you and couldnt take it that you were going to ask another girl out.
I think you should stop all interaction with her for her good, because to be honest, in the first instance you hurt her by lying to her, and now you're going to hurt her more if she would see you with someone else. If you care for her genuinely, then just leave her alone and truly move on with someone else.
yaar the problem here is that i told her on the very first day we talked, and i got blocked after 2-3 days but thats not the problem, my problem is that why do i feel weak in front of her, why is it that i loose control of my feelings when she calls, yaar i dont wanna hurt her thats not even anywhere in my thoughts, i care for her and want her to be happy that is the reason all this time when she was married and was in the same city too i never tried to contact just cuz i dint wanna complicate her life anymore and am still doing the same as she is here right now and if i want i know her email address and could send her emails with my feelings, i feel like a TEETAR (i dunno wat its callled in english) they say TEETAR ko raat mein bahar nahi chhorna chahiye cuz woh chaand ko dekh kar pagal ho jaata hai aur uss key paas puhanchnay kee koshish karta hai aur uss koshish mein upar urta rehta hai till it dies i guess my EX is my chaand and i should be kept away from her
