My husband has been lying to me about smoking. He told me he had quit before we got married. After we got married, I moved in with him. When he would come home from work, he wouldn’t even hug me or kiss me and when I would try to kiss him he would tell me he had to go to the washroom and leave. It made me feel horrible…like maybe I made the wrong decision.
I started to smell smoke on him and he would tell me it’s because he would hang out with people from work that would smoke in their breaks.
He promised me that if he smoked he would be honest with me about it but he still lies. We now have a baby on the way, and I’m about halfway there. He smoked again and when I smelt it and asked him he lied again. I hate that he can lie to me so easily… It’s totally stressing me out.
I feel so disrespected. He’s the one person I love and trust more than anyone else and I don’t think he understands how much it hurts me when he lies.
He’s a good husband (other than this) and I don’t know if I should just accept the fact that he is going to lie to me for the rest of my life or not. He’s made many broken promises and I feel like talking to him about how it makes me feel is a waste of time because I’ve done it sooo many times already with no success.
Before marriage, did you make clear to him that you wont marry him unless he quits smoking? Or anything similiar to that?
He might be afraid of your reaction and maybe that's why he lies.
What bothers you more, the smoking or that he can lie so easily? If it's the smoking....I think it can be overcome, it's not easy to quit and nothing you can say or do can convince him to quit unless he has the desire to..all you can do is be supportive.
on the other hand, if it's the lying that bothers you more, that's a sign of trust issues and that's much more harder to overcome. :(
Be easy on him. I do understand..perhaps ya hate smoking. But what can ya do though is calmly speak to him and try to reason out with him. DO NOT get mad or irritated. And the reason he perhaps lie to ya is because he feels that he doesn't want to hurt ya by telling ya that he smoked. So address him calmly and explain him..danger of smoking. And please..stop being his mother. As a guy i tell ya..that is one thing..which drives almost every guy to the wall.
Is this is a that big of a deal that you are talking about him to others? Get a life girl..Takecare yourself cause you have baby coming..If you press on this thing he might find something wrong with you ..then everything goes downhill.
Quote—"He promised me that if he smoked he would be honest with me about it but he still lies. We now have a baby on the way, and I’m about halfway there. He smoked again and when I smelt it and asked him he lied again. I hate that he can lie to me so easily… It’s totally stressing me out. "
If this statement is not being motherly, I dont know..
That said**, **monazzim](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/members/monazzim.html) Please do not make this a big issue. Even I had promised my wife that I would not smoke after marriage. It is hard to stop. There are days when the craving gets to you. If I tell my wife she does not understand and goes mad. I would rather lie than have some of the slanging matches with her…
I remember once incident when I was a bachelor. We have these bakeries where they sell tea and coffee. I was sipping a coffee and smoking. This guy comes running along and buys a cigarette and two toffees. He tries to light it up when he sees his wife coming. His wife grabs the cigarette from him and crushes it. He looks at me with pitiful eyes and I give him the look —“If you cant control your wife why did you get married” Now I know
the men who are telling you to not get angry about it are just smokers themselves... but I do agree why waste the energy? If he wanted to quit, he would have by now.
Quote---"He promised me that if he smoked he would be honest with me about it but he still lies. We now have a baby on the way, and I'm about halfway there. He smoked again and when I smelt it and asked him he lied again. I hate that he can lie to me so easily... It's totally stressing me out. "
If this statement is not being motherly, I dont know..
Ok suppose you marry a woman who is addicted to taking diet pills to the point that it becomes harmful to her health...you know the kind obsessed with a size zero and on the verge of being anorexic? She wants to quit though and promises you that she will stop after marriage. Then later you discover that she lied to you and still carries on the old habit and hides it from you.
Assuming you're genuinely concerned about her well being and bothered by the fact that she lied to you, if you approach her about this issue, are you being *her mother-in-law *by doing that???
Do you see my point? Marriage is a partnership and ideally there should be no secrets between the couple. OP is right to question her husband's conduct. However, there are different ways to handle this and many of you have already suggested to show support rather than act hostile.
stopping smoking may not be easy. but that doesn't mean he lies to his wife about it, especially after promising to be honest about it. she has a reason to be upset at this.
Is he a smoker as in he buys packs and smokes a pack a day or a week? Or is he a dude who will take a cigarette from a pal after a guys dinner or hangout? Big difference.
My husband has been lying to me about smoking. He told me he had quit before we got married. After we got married, I moved in with him. When he would come home from work, he wouldn't even hug me or kiss me and when I would try to kiss him he would tell me he had to go to the washroom and leave. It made me feel horrible...like maybe I made the wrong decision.
I started to smell smoke on him and he would tell me it's because he would hang out with people from work that would smoke in their breaks.
He promised me that if he smoked he would be honest with me about it but he still lies. We now have a baby on the way, and I'm about halfway there. He smoked again and when I smelt it and asked him he lied again. I hate that he can lie to me so easily... It's totally stressing me out.
I feel so disrespected. He's the one person I love and trust more than anyone else and I don't think he understands how much it hurts me when he lies.
He's a good husband (other than this) and I don't know if I should just accept the fact that he is going to lie to me for the rest of my life or not. He's made many broken promises and I feel like talking to him about how it makes me feel is a waste of time because I've done it sooo many times already with no success.
have you ever thought, maybe he lies to you because he thinks if he tells you the truth, it will even hurt you??
Seems like, he is just lying to you because he doesn't you to hurt you or maybe you have not given him a comfort level.. try to be more friendly to him and for a while, allow him to smoke. These things doesn't work out on promises like meri qasam khaao ainda yoon nahin karogay, woon nahin karogay...... NO! Provide him a comfort level, be his friend and thats how you will be able to have your husband speaking true to you and not hiding anything!
Guys hide from their wife because they think "dimagh khaa jayegi" but when a man knows his wife will bring him a peace of mind and will bring a better solution to him, he will come to you and share his daily activities!
