Ok suppose you marry a woman who is addicted to taking diet pills to the point that it becomes harmful to her health...you know the kind obsessed with a size zero and on the verge of being anorexic? She wants to quit though and promises you that she will stop after marriage. Then later you discover that she lied to you and still carries on the old habit and hides it from you.
Assuming you're genuinely concerned about her well being and bothered by the fact that she lied to you, if you approach her about this issue, are you being *her mother-in-law *by doing that???
Do you see my point? Marriage is a partnership and ideally there should be no secrets between the couple. OP is right to question her husband's conduct. However, there are different ways to handle this and many of you have already suggested to show support rather than act hostile.
Let me ask you a very simple question. Are diet pills addictive. It is not that the guy smokes everyday. He is trying his best to give up. There are days when the craving gets to you. Your analogy is not right.
We all understand that marriage is a partnership and there should be no secrets between the couple. Seriously let us be realistic for once.
:k: Well said! Men will lie about the most ridiculous things just b/c they don’t want “drama”…they don’t want their wife to nag, cry, yell etc. With a little planning, if a wife can convince the husband that she is on HIS side and will not throw an emotional fit if he admits to something that she doesn’t like/approve of…she’d be amazed at how much information he’ll share voluntarily.
In this latest instance, he might have lied to you because you are expecting so he didn't want to upset you and cause unnecessary stress, no?
It's not that easy to kick off smoking overnight. It's possible that he succumbs to the temptation to smoke once in a while and then lies when confronted about it because he himself feels bad about it and doesn't want to hurt your feelings or create a fight over something he realizes is not good for himself or his family
A simple google search will tell you that they are.
“Diet pills can be very addictive. There are two main reasons why you may become addicted to diet pills. You may become addicted to the substances that cause you have to so much energy or you may become addicted because you are afraid of gaining the weight back if you stop taking diet pills. Either way, addiction is a scary thing. You should never allow your body be controlled by an addiction.”
Source: Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Buy Diet Pills - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com
Please do not misquote me. A wife is misbehaving in public.... Please read the post in its entire context.
If coming to a public forum to share your woes and ask for free advice is considered misbehaving, then you should have put it as "a lot of wives" are misbehaving on GS.
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He's a good husband (other than this) and I don't know if I should just accept the fact that he is going to lie to me for the rest of my life or not. He's made many broken promises and I feel like talking to him about how it makes me feel is a waste of time because I've done it sooo many times already with no success.
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Advice from a woman who has been married to a ex smoker for 14 years.
I never understood how hard it was to quit. The addiction. Maybe just like if someone told me to quit eating sugar or cake for life. I am bound to have slip ups.
In the first few years of marriage, his smoking use to drive me nuts.
He said he would quit after we got married. That didn't happen.
Then after we had out first baby. It's subsided but didn't go away for good.
The more I pressed him and created drama the less effective it was. The more I yelled it didn't happen. The more I made it about me or the cigrattes it didn't happen.
It wasn't until he himself believed he could and did it on his own. It was his health that changed him. He still bums a cigarette when he's hanging out with his buddies.
Talk to him in a supportive way. Tell him to you are willing to help him. Tell him that you'll still love him with his ups and down. He'll quit. He has to realize that on his own.
Do you like turtles? I do, I like em because they’re massively chill. They don’t hurt anyone. They’re always like, hey man, I want to swim, and maybe go eat some lettuce. But I’m going to take my time getting there, I’m not in a rush.
Advice from a woman who has been married to a ex smoker for 14 years.
I never understood how hard it was to quit. The addiction. Maybe just like if someone told me to quit eating sugar or cake for life. I am bound to have slip ups.
In the first few years of marriage, his smoking use to drive me nuts.
He said he would quit after we got married. That didn't happen.
Then after we had out first baby. It's subsided but didn't go away for good.
The more I pressed him and created drama the less effective it was. The more I yelled it didn't happen. The more I made it about me or the cigrattes it didn't happen.
It wasn't until he himself believed he could and did it on his own. It was his health that changed him. He still bums a cigarette when he's hanging out with his buddies.
Talk to him in a supportive way. Tell him to you are willing to help him. Tell him that you'll still love him with his ups and down. He'll quit. He has to realize that on his own.
^ agree in that your husband will not quit until he himself feels motivated to.
I feel for you... I despise smoking just as much and with my husband I basically gave him an ultimatum that either quit or I'm ending this relationship, so he did, cold turkey. It was a deal breaker for me. obviously that was before marriage though. I don't think you have that liberty so make it clear to him how unhappy you are with his smoking and how much it bothers you, but other than that nagging won't achieve anything really. It'll probably just irritate him more. Try just bringing it up in a gentle manner every once in a while so its in his head but don't bother constantly hounding him, its counter productive.
i am in the exact same boat as u are.. and though i kno that its hard to quit smoking, as long as hes not doing it around the house... he seems to be caring about your feelings..trust me ur reminding him of his promise, or trying to make him realize how it will/might effect the baby is just gonna irritate him more.. and if one day he gets pissed enough to say, "i will do what i want.. " then u are screwed... let him taper off on his own, and i dont think u need to have a lot of conversations with him abt it either.. when i told my husband that " dont lie to me abt smoking" he would come home and say.. "yeah i smoked.. atleast i am not lying.".. c that doesnt do me any good either.. so the more u keep talking to him abt it, the more he gets comfortable abt the topic with u.... try to ignore it as much as u can, even the smoke smell.. infact some time tell him, that i feel so bad for u, that u have quit and u still have to be with people who smoke, makes u stink like a smoker.. y dont u not stand with them.... " kia faida.. quit bhi karein and u still get the second hand smoke"... all u need for him to know is how disgusted u are.. at ppl who smoke, hopefully slowly he will give up too.. Fingers crossed
I understand it is a disgusting habit but perhaps he knew you would overreact and he just didn't wanna deal with it. I am not saying you are wrong but you have to understand he can't just quit because you said so. It is a slow and possibly painful process and just tell him you cant feel like u can trust him because he lied about his habit but you are willing to help him quit. Be a partner rathar than just questioning the essence of your marriage. Damn u newlyweds!!! Such freshmen!!!
