Re: confrontation of lies
^
V
Re: confrontation of lies
i have done some confrtonting
in front of my own parents as a matter of fact
but i have to keep with in my limits even then
Re: confrontation of lies
btw I was not married when i was 20. The point is very simple here
desi trouble makers THRIVE on teh fact that cultural norms do not allow direct confrontation by others of their age, let alone direct confrontation with a younger person.
so people deal with the bull****, and the ppl who are targets sit there and take it, just hoping that the byatches saying crap would tire of it due to the victim's inactions and find a diff target. That does not always happen, some ppl become victims of this, and stay victims for years..decades. it does wonders for their mental state depending on teh severity of the situation.
so, either u find some elder person who can take a stand and solve this BS, or you handle it yourself, or you learn to live with it and either let it bother you, or let it slide off ya. your choice.
Let me tell you this much though, you let people interfere in your life and face no opposition, they will continue to do it. These are the type of people who could make your married life tough by sayng crap to your inlaws, or to ppl who would get it to your inlaws. so take charge indirectly or directly, become a victim or create major distance..your choice
so, yes, give reasons for why you can not take a stand, as long as you are willing to live with the same crap from these people, or other such people in your life.
with all the talk about girl power and strong independent women, I would think that people can take a stand.
but again, I am not here to convince anyone, I am giving you my perspective.
Re: confrontation of lies
^ There's people you'll meet randomly and they'll say the stupidest thing or be really rude and ull never meet them again. In that situation i'd say let it go. First time something happens (depending on how absurd/malicious it is) forgive them,. If it's repeat offense, then it's time to decide whether you want to confront them or not.
Re: confrontation of lies
confrontation does not have to be out of limits. an example
the first confrontation that I had was with someone who had access to my dad’s accts, just so he can send us money for our education while my dad was in Pakistan. The person in question (now deceased so I will not call him names as much as I want to) used the money as his personal piggy bank and put it in real estate investments..making money for himself from the funds that were in his amanat.
regardless, he lost the money, would not send me my tuition money and all. he told my dad that he had been sending me money all along, and that god knws what I was doing with that..my dad asked me for bank statements showing how much I recieved and when, I had changed banks and my old bank did nto have records so this gentleman stuck to his story, until in a letter of all things to both him and my dad stating that while I did not have the records and yes I am an idiot and completely undisciplined for not keeping records. Uncle has been sending me money which has been from your acct as he claims, so he should be able to send you a statement showing the disbursements and dates.
I mean no one wanted to confront the guy. I did, directly, and in my limits. Its not that my dad did not know someting was fishy, but he did not want to confront te guy, to this day in my view it is my dad’s one weakness.
shyt like this is the elephant in the room, everyone knows its there, why not just acknoledge it.
Re: confrontation of lies
yeah random idiots that I run into are not worth my time. but these ppl that we are stuck with because they married into the family or distant idiot relatives etc who cant stay out of ppls business… they are the ones who are a pain because they are there, u are stuck with them. so u can either be on the receiving end hoping that they will make themselves look bad or get bored with u, or u set them straight.
Re: confrontation of lies
they dont understand your sharafat by staying silent.
isnt that what you are supposed to do according to the rules of our religion
say nothing and Allah will find a way to deal with them
to an extent these people have been confronted and cut off
but it sure as hell desnt help the situation when your elders eg grandparents stir the $hit bigtime with their machinations and their own power plays to show you and your parents and your family as being "bad". with the help of those people
yes i am lucky in that my dad hasnt as yet fallen for their bull and is the type of person to confront those saying or doing wrong when they do it to his face
but when it is done away from his precense then he cant as yet do n e thing
but he's not gonna cut off his own parents
Re: confrontation of lies
Hmm if it's ur grandparents.. that's really hard..
Re: confrontation of lies
cant throw them out, cant move away
they wont change
day in day out of poison
no wonder i am going mad in my own home :(
Re: confrontation of lies
i hate these family politics.
Re: confrontation of lies
tell me about it
it kills you on the inside
PS how r u doing now Orph?
Re: confrontation of lies
I totally agree with Fraudz's view on this
Sidz sweetheart this is obviously hurting you and believe me I've experienced my own share of family arguments...and they can be very frightening affairs
But you gotta stand up for yourself if you want this to stop. Allowing the rumours to continue, is tantamount to admitting they're true in the eyes of the gossips.
Like Fraudia said, have your ammunition ready, get proof, get public and get even. Believe me the number of times I've had to stick up for my family in these situations is countless and once you strat, people will be way more rfeluctant to say things about you cos they know you'll fight back
When I was going through some issues in my life, my neighbours of all people were harrassing my mom and upsetting her. When I found out, I stopped the people in question on the street and told them to stay the hell away from my mom and if they wanted to know anything about my ,life to come and talk to me
Oh and knowing stuff about their kids is always a bonus!! Aunties/ucles quickly shut up when they realise you know the truth about their so-called little angels!
Re: confrontation of lies
oh trust me
in regards to their little angels i have ALOT of ammunition
at the moment i am not saying n e thing cos of my mum
other wise
not just myself but my brother have lots to say
Re: confrontation of lies
^ just read that your grandparents are involved...hmmm
makes the situation a whole lot more tricky
But I've had to protect my mom from my Daadi in the past and it wasn't fun but it had to be done :(
Re: confrontation of lies
I'm feeling better thanks for asking, still having sleepness nights and all, but yeah, feeling better day by day.
Re: confrontation of lies
makes the situation a whole lot more tricky
But I've had to protect my mom from my Daadi in the past and it wasn't fun but it had to be done :(
the situation with them has quietened down for a while as they have a seperate sitting room
but you would not want to be sitting in the same room as they spewed filth against my mum and members of her family
i'v even heard my grandfather use extremely ghatiya language about an uncle
thank god i was the only one home with my parents and not my brother or sisters
Re: confrontation of lies
it'll take time to be 100% but i can only thank Allah that your alive and talking to me on GS now
Re: confrontation of lies
You would think that being older and wiser, they would deal with any matter even this, more maturely, but that doesn't seem the case here. Which in itself is a shame and one day will come back to haunt them.
P.S. add me to your buddy list. * journal *
Re: confrontation of lies
older yes
wiser Hell no
Re: confrontation of lies
Damn idnt knw grandparents cud be so rotten :(