how long are you supposed to put up with lies and falsehoods in any relationship before you decide enough is enough
like a friendship, where you know your being lied to but for a while you let it slip until it goes to extreme level
or a family member who at face is nice to you but behind your back is spreading rumours about you and your family
Re: confrontation of lies
I wouldn't stand for it for a second. I would confront this person and give them an ultimatum. Either they aplogize and never do it again or it's over. You don't have to make yourself a victim of a destructive relationship.
Re: confrontation of lies
that is fine for a friendship or a partner
but what about family members?
Re: confrontation of lies
For family members it's basically the same thing. First is to get everything out in the open. Tell them how you feel. And if they deny it, then choose whether you should trust someone like that.
Re: confrontation of lies
seem simple in just saying it
but whn you have other members pushing you to "forgive and forget" even though it is against your principles
and you have had to endure alot of hurt from the person in question then it isnt so wasy to ignore them
Re: confrontation of lies
fraudia's rules for confrontation for ppl who have been speaking ill off you and spreading false crap
1) plan it, be prepared and ambush them in a group setting, have your proof ready. makes em zaleel nuff that they cant do anything but back off
2) confront them in private and curse them out royally, tell em all the crap you know about them and can spread... i mean what are they going to do, its their word against yours that u cursed em out :D
3) confront them in private..be on your best behavior, bring proof of their duplicity, and record the whole conversation...
I am not a very nice person when I deal with people who mess around with me.
Re: confrontation of lies
like your ideas
one problem
i’m a 21 yr old girl
and the trouble makers are MUCH older than me 
like uncle aunty ages and older
i can deal with the ones my age but older
i’m stuck
Re: confrontation of lies
errr may I humbly point out that usually the line between truth and lie is gray. Especially when women are involved where what is said is not necessarily what is meant.
Re: confrontation of lies
1) plan it, be prepared and ambush them in a group setting, have your proof ready. makes em zaleel nuff that they cant do anything but back off
2) confront them in private and curse them out royally, tell em all the crap you know about them and can spread... i mean what are they going to do, its their word against yours that u cursed em out :D
3) confront them in private..be on your best behavior, bring proof of their duplicity, and record the whole conversation...
I am not a very nice person when I deal with people who mess around with me.
pure evil but right:D
Re: confrontation of lies
sizz stop talking to those relatives and whenever they come to ur house say salaam and nothing else.waise khhaandan wale kabhi aap ka peecha nahi chorte koii naa koii baat zaroor chahiye hoti hai.
The main thing is tell ur mom to take ur side whenever they talk against u bare bare apas mein lar lein gay masla khatam.:CareBear:
Re: confrontation of lies
i totally agree with the last part, whats there to 
about ume zafeerah coz what i mean is that the same way we can deal with such situations with those who are of our age the elders can do the same. and plus they will get it sorted easily and quickly as they are much grown up and wont end up fighting.
Re: confrontation of lies
^^ i take it you have never seen a family argument?
dont say anything to me about arguments unless you have actually experienced one
Re: confrontation of lies
i'm not talking about "women" only
i am talking about everyone, male and female
and as a matter of fact the main person i am talking about was not a woman but a MAN
so hmm
Re: confrontation of lies
oh screw em, if they cant friggin grow u and want to pick on a 21 yr old then they deserve to be nanga-fied in public and their real face shown to everyone.
the only real ways to deal with are complete stealth and start messing with them in return, and just sit back and enjoy the show, or confront them full force.
My experience is that desis are zaleel of the highest degree and fully know that you know their bull**** but know that the sharma hazoori of desis and the formalities will prevent you from directly confronting them.
Re: confrontation of lies
haha .. men or women, only in few cases its very clear who is telling the truth and who isn't. In other cases its usually hard to draw the line, because life and relationships are complex.
Re: confrontation of lies
i find that sometimes silence is the best route
it;s what i hav been doing for the past year
cos they forget your watching, carry on with their lives and start getting to comfortable
THEN they start making the mistakes and all you have to do is watch as each and every accusation made against you is turned around and they do EXACLTLY what they have said you were doing. and everybody learns their asleeyat
but then you still hav the idiots who ignore that 
and carry on being “nice” to the culprits in the name of family and sula and forgive and forget
Re: confrontation of lies
I have no patience for such people.
I had one of my aunt saying crap to my mother in my house and made my mum cry, I told this aunt that while she is an elder and that I respect my elders, and her deal with my mum is between them.. but she can nto sit in my house, and ridicule my mother and not expect me to take it sitting down.
I told her that mym mum and dad are shareef ppl who never spoke up for themselves even when the khandan took advantage of them and people stuck to them like leeches for their own purposes, and my parents never said anything.. but that I have learnt from that, and I will not put up with someone messing with my parents..they mess with my family… I mess with them, and that they knew me and my approach, and if they wanted to have any izzat left that they should back off and get off my parents case.
My mum and dad tried to stop me and I told them, even you dont have a say in it. I am grown up now.. and these ppl mess with you, you get hurt and upset and we are hurt and upset to see you that way. So if you dont want me to do this for you..and u forgive these people, thats your business. I am going in this for myself.
lets just say..the word spread and in general the people have backed the F* up 
btw when this happened, I was 31 and the lady i was talking to was 60 something 
Re: confrontation of lies
there is a big difference between a 21 yr old and a 31 yr old
and also the fact your a guy
if i were to say n e thing the whole thing would backlash on my mum
one of the best people in the world
Re: confrontation of lies
if you cant stand up for yourself, then learn to live with such people, and as people say 'be the bigger person' and move on.
I personally can not.
that one example was just one example, the first time I confronted an elder was when I was 20, gentleman in question was 60 something.
Re: confrontation of lies
The less "power" you have, the harder it is to stand up for someone or yourself. And face it in a desi gathering i doubt a 21 yr old single girl has as much power as a 30-something year old married family man.
sidz u have a tough choice, you try to stand up for someone and face the potential backlash which could or could no be as damaging OR let it go on forever.
The potential backlash could be ugly. But then so is if you let it go on forever.
If that person offended you personally, theN I would suggest confrontation. But if it was against your mother, father, and they knew it and still did not do anythng, well i think you'd have to let that go. They made their decision to let it slide.
One thing i absolutley cannot stand and have no respect for is people who will let someone say **** abt their children. Disrespect me, whatever, but if you disrespect my family, esp my kids, i would not hesitate in setting them on fire. Or something like that. I don't understand how parents can let someone hurt their kids and just sit by and not do anything out of respect or sharam. That's one of the lowest and most despicable acts in my eyes.