So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:
Not being allowed to work after marriage..
Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..
It does not mean that i won't live with my IL but who knows How your IL are? baad main Allah jany kaisy halat ho jayen k your last solution will be moving out, so i don't want to hear this from my husband "main ney tu pehly hi kaha tha k main alag nahin hoon ga you have to compromise".
No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..
Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..
I have started my MBA and my father has invested lots of money in my education and my parents really like to see me as a well educated girl.... If i get married next year then i would like to continue my studies in any case to fulfill my parents dream and my husband should corporate with me.
Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..
i have no issues in home chores but it depends on situation. Like i have seen that people get rid of their maids as soon as their son's got married....... and i am against of this idea.
Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family.
Permission and telling them are two different things. I have no issues in telling them that i am going to my parents house.... but permission means something else. Why should i need permission to visit my parents house once in a week.
1 and 3 are acceptable conditions for me. I am not career freak girl nor really like to wear western clothes. I really feel comfortable in my traditional dresses :D.
i cant compromise on any ...however if the guy is really someone I dont wanna let go i too would be willing to discuss number 1 and possibly 3 (possibly) but not the rest
LOL....yea #1 is an "option" if the guy is someone I really, really wanted. The reason the rest are deal-breakers for me is b/c I wouldn't want those "rules" which I believe are unreasonable/extreme imposed on my kids. None of them have any religious basis. #3 is a deal-breaker for me personally b/'c even IF I was ok with it....living in the U.S., this is not something I would want forced on my daughter. Its possible to wear Western clothes and still be modest.
So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:
Not being allowed to work after marriage..
Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..
No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..
Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..
Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..
Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family..
this all might depend on the total number of options available in her hand. If that is the last rishta she could go for, she might be willing to compromise on all. What i mean to say that this thing varies from case to case and present situation of that girl at that stage.
I wouldn't compromise on any of those myself except perhaps 3 and that would only be if I was living in Pakistan..
Just started this thread to try and get an idea of what girls are willing to give up or compromise on and which 'freedoms' are considered important to different ppl..
Im very surprised about how many ppl would give up on other things but not #4 .
I guess all u ppl out there really like school...i swear i hate school so much that i cant even explain ...as soon im done first 4 years of university im runin outa there and gettin a job and never gona look back lol ...seriously. Its not that i think school is hard but its so damn annoyin.
I think by the time a lot of girls go to college or uni they're studying things they actually enjoy rather than stuff they had to like at school.. I know I felt that way..
So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:
Not being allowed to work after marriage..
not acceptable
Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..
*willing to consider - but it depends on the in-laws.
*
3. No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..
*not acceptable - I live in the west and dress in western attire when I'm working or shopping or socializing.
*
4. Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..
moot point - already done school
Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..
*willing to consider on the condition that I'm not dictated to and told what to do. If I'm running the household, it'll be done my way and everyone had better be happy about it *:)
Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family..
not acceptable. My husband can comment on my visiting my family (especially if it was too frequent), but I wouldn't ask my in-laws permission, though I would probably do them the courtesy of telling them when I'm going to visit my family.
Is this a rishta ad for the guys on GS because you sound like their idea of a perfect wife.
Well, call me conservative, Paindo, extremely-desi or whatever.
I am willing to compromise on all this but ONLY for a guy who derserves all this. He has to be highly educated, should be earning alot, should be from a very good family, should marry me for whoever I am, shouldn't want me to bring him abroad, etc etc. If a guy is 100% perfect, I don't mind compromising :D
On a serious note, everyone has different reasons for their views. Here are my reasons for accpeting these conditions:
I don't plan to take up higher education after marriage.
When you get proposals who want you to work after marriage (so that they can enjoy your income), you start liking people who stops a wife from working. At least they take the full responsibility of their wife and children. Majority of the proposals I get put a condition that I will continue working after marriage so that the guy can have a support in his income. This shows their greed.
And as far as living with in-laws is concerned, since I always lived away from my relatives, don't have elder brother and sister and have lost my father, I really like this set up since I would love to live with all the family members. My thinking and preference might change once I experience joint-living.
Well, call me conservative, Paindo, extremely-desi or whatever.
I am willing to compromise on all this but ONLY for a guy who derserves all this. He has to be highly educated, should be earning alot, should be from a very good family, should marry me for whoever I am, shouldn't want me to bring him abroad, etc etc. If a guy is 100% perfect, I don't mind compromising :D
On a serious note, everyone has different reasons for their views. Here are my reasons for accpeting these conditions:
I don't plan to take up higher education after marriage.
When you get proposals who want you to work after marriage (so that they can enjoy your income), you start liking people who stops a wife from working. At least they take the full responsibility of their wife and children. Majority of the proposals I get put a condition that I will continue working after marriage so that the guy can have a support in his income. This shows their greed.
And as far as living with in-laws is concerned, since I always lived away from my relatives, don't have elder brother and sister and have lost my father, I really like this set up since I would love to live with all the family members. My thinking and preference might change once I experience joint-living.
Sounds like your aspiration in life is to be a well kept wife. Each to their own.
What about working because you want to work? This doesn't necessarily mean you have to work outside. If I married a highly educated guy who is earning a lot, I'd want to set up my own business.
To be honest, I know very few (if any) men who want their wives to work after marriage. Usually if the wives do, it's their own choice!
And yeh, you say that now but the example Deeba gave wasn't just FIL and MIL. It was siblings as well. It might sound like a like a nice idea and yes some women do fit into this but that perfect husband isn't so perfect any more when you're just one person out a whole family needing his attention.