Compromises..

[Deeba1234]

So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:

1. Not being allowed to work after marriage..

2. Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he’s not an only son)..

3. No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..

4. Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there’s ‘no point’..

5. Being told that if you live with inlaws you’ll be expected to more or less ‘take over’ the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..

6. Being told that if you live with inlaws you’ll be expected to ask his parents’ permission if you want to visit your family..

[inspiron]

Re: Compromises..

2.

I couldnt compromise on the others.

p.s. deebs thanks for the PM! gonna get back to you when i have done some more research!

[Deeba1234]

Re: Compromises..

^That's ok, btw sorry it was a bit long lol :)

[Sara516]

Re: Compromises..

None.

[X2]

Re: Compromises..

So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:

1. Not being allowed to work after marriage..

2. Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..

3. No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..

4. Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..

5. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..

6. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family..

3, I mean, I reckon it aint hard to give up 'em ten gallon hats, ropers and chaps pardner...

[Paheli00]

Re: Compromises..

So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:

1. Not being allowed to work after marriage..

2. Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..

3. No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..

4. Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..

5. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..

6. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family..

1 is something I'm be willing to discuss. It would depend on the type of job he has and his "financial" plan.....he would have to convince me his income alone will provide a secure/comfortable lifestyle for me and any future children. I assume there would be no restrictions on me volunteering outside the home.

The rest are deal-breakers.

[Marmalade]

Re: Compromises..

I could compromise on 2 and 5.

[Ramsha]

Re: Compromises..

5

[oOalyshaOo16]

I could compermise on : 2, 4 :)
And maybe 1, it depends like if the guy already has a good job ...then i wouldnt work

[ll_xx_ll]

Re: Compromises..

1 is something I'm be willing to discuss. It would depend on the type of job he has and his "financial" plan.....he would have to convince me his income alone will provide a secure/comfortable lifestyle for me and any future children. I assume there would be no restrictions on me volunteering outside the home.

The rest are deal-breakers.

i cant compromise on any ...however if the guy is really someone I dont wanna let go i too would be willing to discuss number 1 and possibly 3 (possibly) but not the rest

[Sara516]

Re: Compromises..

can someone explain to me...what are you getting in return if u compromise on all of these?

[Shanum]

Re: Compromises..

can someone explain to me...what are you getting in return if u compromise on all of these?

nothing probably ...

[Shanum]

Re: Compromises..

So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:

1. Not being allowed to work after marriage..

2. Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..

3. No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..

4. Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..

5. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..

6. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family..

All acceptable except 4 nd 6 ..

[DaffyDuck]

Re: Compromises..

If I am married and have no way out; i'll probably compromise on all to make it work. I don't think marriage is such a small matter that it may be broken on things. If these things keep adding up and you find no way out then probably there is a different route to take.

[princessjojo]

Re: Compromises..

So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:

1. Not being allowed to work after marriage..

2. Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..

3. No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..

4. Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..

5. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..

6. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family..

2, 3 (if living in desiland), 5, 6 not happily but will do if I'm getting a shareef shehzada.

[Safoora]

Re: Compromises..

So which of the following would you find acceptable and be willing to compromise on for a rishta:

1. Not being allowed to work after marriage..

2. Being told you must live in your inlaws house permanently (and there are other siblings living there as well, he's not an only son)..

3. No to you wearing western clothes no matter how modest they might be..

4. Being expected to give up your education after marriage as there's 'no point'..

5. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to more or less 'take over' the bulk of the housework, cooking etc from his mum..

6. Being told that if you live with inlaws you'll be expected to ask his parents' permission if you want to visit your family..

2, 5 and 6 i think. Although 5 will be hard knowing i won't be home most of the time. This is before getting married, after I'm married- I guess I will have to compromise on everything :( sigh..

[apple_blossom]

Re: Compromises..

**1 is something I'm be willing to discuss. It would depend on the type of job he has and his "financial" plan.....he would have to convince me his income alone will provide a secure/comfortable lifestyle for me and any future children. I assume there would be no restrictions on me volunteering outside the home.

**The rest are deal-breakers.

1 (ditto) ,5 and 6

[Ashy2010]

Re: Compromises..

Am I the only one who can agree to accept all these conditions mentioned by Deeba?

My mom has programmed me such that to be able to accept all these things. She, on the other hand, is not willing to marry me into some extremely religious family who makes me do parda like ninja niqaab (since she says parda is something which should be done willingly and not just for the sake of marriage).

My mom is also not willing to marry me with a guy (with less monthly income than mine) who puts a condition that I must work after marriage (since he seems to be marrying me for the greed of my income).

The things mentioned by Deeba are considered to be non-significant as per my mom so I am asked to compromise on any of these. Personally, I feel that the decision of working and studying should be wife’s own in consultation with her husband and the husband should not force the wife for anything. Living with in laws and doing house chores are also accpetable to me provided that I am not considered their maid (if I can work at my home, I can work at my in-laws too). I also don’t mind asking persmission from elders be they my own parents or my husband’s parents.

[Hadeel]

Re: Compromises..

Other than number 4, I'm okay with all of them. And to tell you the truth, It wont be a compromise for me.

Number 5 is something that scares me because I'm not trained to do all the household work but its not something that I cannot learn to do with time.

[redvelvet]

Re: Compromises..

Everyone's different in terms of what they can handle. People have the right to their preferences when it comes to marriage....and while I understand that being too picky might can have it's consequences......i also think that being clear about expectations can prevent huge problems down the road...ones that would affect so many people. You may have been raised/programmed/trained (whatever you wanna call it) a certain way, but one still has an idea of their own strengths and capabilities. And sometimes distance (to an extent) keeps relationships more peaceful....whereas closer proximity might sour them. Then again, that's an issue that's not always in ones control. You may live separately with your spouse for many years.....and then one or both of your parent-in-law (for various reason) may move in.