I am interested in a girl who works in my company. Lets say her name is “B”. The Structure of company is that we have two buildings.One is dedicated to IT where i work at and other is dedicated to marketing, HR etc .The girl works in that another building.
I have been quietly observing this girl for almost 5 months and I liked the way she acted around her colleagues and basically her personality.So before approaching her directly, I wanted to know whether she was single or engaged.I went to her facebook profile and contacted one of her friends on facebook. I told her about the situation and she got in touch with the B’s sister. Turned out that the B’s sister and this facebook friend were both best friends since God knows when.She gave me B sister’s number.
Now here is the dumbest part in the entire story. I gave that number to my mother and she contacted the B’s sister on her mobile phone.She directly asked her whether the girl I was interested in was single or not and basically asked for rishta. The B’s sister said that she would have to contact B and mentioned that B has not taken my name before.She will ask B about me and would contact soon.
At this moment in time, B does not even know me that I exist I approach her directly the day after this call in cafeteria. I ask her name and start making chit chat regarding her life and politics. In all this conversation she does not ask my name and tries to maybe second guess my name by asking me which building I am from. My mother told B’s sister on the phone the day before that I work for IT. We had this conversation for 10 mins and then she had eaten her lunch and went off.
I approach her again the next day. I ask her if we can have a cup of coffee tomorrow at noon. She says she is supposed to be at her desk because of her manager till 3 pm she is busy and would not be available for coffee. I ask if she is available after that.She says then there is ramadan. I asked if she can meet in ramadan to which she says it would be difficult too then because her timing would be 9-3.Then she asks me what you want to talk about ? I say there are some important things that I need to discuss with you.
I then say if it is possible that we can exchange numbers so she can tell me when she is available.
On this she smiles and said you can call my office extension.
When she said that last statement, she kept looking at the ground and kept smiling and then I left the pantry area telling her that I have a meeting shortly.
During all this conversation, she did not object to meet me.
3 days have passed.I have not contacted her and nor she has contacted me. I sent her an email on her work email address yesterday around 2pm in which i wrote that it was nice talking to her in pantry although very short one and I am expecting to have a more meaningful conversation very soon and that’ s it.
She has not replied to my email yet.
What do you guys think of this whole situation ? Is she interested ? Or she is just playing hard to get ? Or Is she just trying to tell me that I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I am not interested.
Should I call her on office extension and continue talking to her or back off ?
You should never pursue romantic interest on office extension. My feeling is that she is not interested, you can use the friend channel to find out. In an office situation, things can easily be looked at as harassment.
When she was in the pantry with you, since she was looking down and smiling, she might like you but could be shy about talking to you.
If you reveal your feelings to her and she does not return those feelings back, would it be easy for you to see her at work? If it will be uncomfortable to see her at company events, then you know what the worst thing that would happen, if you take the next step.
A work email is fine. She might be busy at work and did not get a chance to respond back. Those work emails are archived, i’m pretty sure so saved for the life of the company. All you said was that it was nice talking to her in the pantry. It seems very professional.
Go in person and ask her out to lunch. If she looks really bored and pissed off back away and never contact her.
If she agrees, A flower with a beautiful poem attached to it about her beauty. Look her in the eyes. You already know the risk. It’s easier for a man to make the step so, even if it does not end well, please don’t stop making those bold moves because it’s much harder for a woman. If she does not respond well to this, you have your answer and leave her alone after that and move on.
@fitoor : I won’t be able to ask her out for lunch in the entire month of Ramadan off course. So should I wait for the whole month of Ramadan to end and then approach her or what ?
and yeah I would not feel uncomfortable at all if i reveal my feelings to her but would that be a good move ?
I did not tell you the missing part.My mother gave her sister a message on whatsapp asking about what B wants.
This message was given before the second meeting in pantry meeting when I asked her out for coffee. Her sister says that they have discussed with B and she does not have any problem and I can contact her father and brother but the very next day her reaction regarding coffee thing is making me hesitate for next move.
What was her body language like the next day when you asked her out for coffee. Did it look like she wanted to make a quick get away, she was annoyed? If she’s extremely shy, which a lot of us desi women are around the opposite gender, she might be sending mixed signals. She really likes you but can’t get up the courage to say something. I don’t think her sister would say B does not have a problem with it, if B does not really like you. We really don’t know what B’s thinking so wait until after Ramadan is over.
She might be very conservative. You represent a non-mahram to her. Being alone with her in the pantry was by itself a bit haraam-ish.
Now that I think about it, take the route of talking with her father and brother first, if you are serious about her.
In some families, it is not appropriate for girls to take a lead in meeting with the boy and proper channel is family so the best way to impress a girl is to respect her wishes, if your ego prevents you from doing that then you are not ready to be in a domestic union. A good man parks his ego.
She was nodding to what I was saying like I opened the conversation with statement that she eats quite late to which she just nodded.Then I said that we had a meeting in cafeteria few hours ago.She just stared blankly at my face. She was not very interactive like giving her input etc which just increased my doubt about her interest.
I notice very subtle things like the way she was sitting facing me like she wanted me to interact with her which is unusual.She always sits facing television in the cafeteria but this time she changed her sitting position and was facing me.I don’t know.
you done screwed up, never use your mother as a wingman and never contact a girls friend or her sisters or cousins or anybody she knows. Approach her yourself.
What do you have against poetry? I know holding the door for a woman or being chivalrous is also cringey too, in these times. Yeah it’s a lost art, no man does any of it anymore, I’m guessing.
We’re in those wonderful times now where women are labeled as thots or god knows what else just because she had a couple boyfriends. Oh such romantic times are these.
She obviously was not interested in whatever you guys were watching on tv and if she was facing you then she was interested in you…hello. She does not look like she’s repulsed by you…lol. She’s super nervous maybe? I don’t know. I really liked a guy and when he came up to talk to me and his shoulder sort of touched mine, I just could not get up the nerve to talk to him so I just went back to my bench and sat down again. What must he have thought. I know We women that get nervous or are super shy are like that.
Some of the more experienced members will show up soon.
Give her some space. It is Ramadan, stop pursuing love or lust at the moment. You’ve told your mother and she’s contacted her sister, well and good. They know someone is interested in the girl. Wait for Ramadan to be over, meanwhile clear your emotions and thoughts. See how serious you are about her, whether you really want to marry her? If you do, as soon as Ramadan finishes, be a man and approach her for lunch and ask her directly. If you don’t have the guts, go around and be a pansy. Approach her father and brother. Tell them that you are serious about her and want to marry her etc. And that you want to know what the girl thinks. Send them a proper rishta. No hide and seek games.
The way Lord of Phrends is quoting only one poster, Lota’s guess is that he has made his mind already. How kayyute is observing small detail of your heer and narrating like a true novelist.
Lota liked the suggestion of poem. Add some love letters with few pigeons too and your case is a complete deal.
In my opinion if B’s sister has already told your mom that she doesn’t have any issues and that your mom can proceed with contacting B’s father…then is se bara sign tumhe kya chahiye?
I think it’s more complicated for you to take her out to lunch and then you’re gonna end up back in this thread asking us that during the “lunch date” she looked down and smiled…what does that mean doston? During the “lunch date” she only ordered a salad instead of a hearty dish…what does that mean yaaron?
***I don’t think that going in the month of Ramadan to someone’s home for a naik and honorable purpose such as marriage is a sin or anything. Some people might be okay with…and some might not feel comfortable. The best thing to do is for your mom to talk to B’s parents and ask them…“Do you feel comfortable if we meet during Ramzan…OR…would you prefer to meet after Ramzan?” Pata chal hi jayega tumhe.
It’s very honorable that you informed your mom from the beginning and that you want to get the parents involved from the get-go. Not many guys go that route these days, so good on you. Get your mom to speak to her parents and if B’s parents are willing, go and meet her family. If they’re not interested…you’ll know. And that way your time will not be wasted and you can accept it as Allah ki marzi and move on.
****Also…a flower is more than enough. But please don’t give her a poem about her beauty. Please, don’t. Just..NO! It’s a tad bit over-the-top, in my opinion, especially at this point.
What about after he goes to talk to her father and brother and when he gets a confirmation from her and from her father and brother, why not after that?
Then every male love song writer or music lyrics writer is gay. All those singers have so many groupies totally in love with them.
For every person that makes fun of a guy that writes(or is inspired by a seasoned poet) a love poem or song, OP, there is a hot girl somewhere who is totally impressed with your love poem/song. Of course after they’re officially in love.
Real life is different, movies are mostly fantasies…IRL you don’t have a super hero hanging upside down from a web trying to kiss..lol. Do you see more guys pumping iron to impress chicks or practicing rhyming useless cheap lines.
Bobby1ji,
Who’s talking movies? Do we not have singers like Atif Aslam or incredible music bands? Are they all from a fantasy movie world or something? How many women are totally in love with Atif or the lead singer from a music band. A guy who writes love poetry for a girl is totally hot!
The guys that have brains and that are pumping iron along with writing love songs are an awesome combo. I guess they are a fantasy and don’t exist
From the way you have written your post, its apparent that you guys are in Pakistan. Yes, she seems interested. Sending an email on her work email is not the smartest of moves. Work emails can be intercepted. You should call her on her extension and talk to her. Obviously, she doesn’t want to seem to interested as this could be misinterpreted as a sign that she’s a bold girl. Its not straight forward like its in the West. And you could take the rishta too. let your mom ask her family if its ok to visit them during Ramadan. If yes, go ahead during Ramadan or go after eid.
I approach her directly the day after this call in cafeteria. I ask her name and start making chit chat regarding her life and politics. In all this conversation she does not ask my name and tries to maybe second guess my name by asking me which building I am from. My mother told B’s sister on the phone the day before that I work for IT. We had this conversation for 10 mins and then she had eaten her lunch and went off.
We women that get nervous or are super shy are like that.