…I’ve had this on my mind lately. The sad fact of life for us gals is that our peak reproductive years are from age 17 to 25. Then we start to decline in egg quality, hormone production etc. Yet in all of the “developed” countries and many of the “under-developed” ones, these ages are viewed as too young to bear children.
We’ve seen an astounding rate of increase in miscarriage and infertility due to advancing maternal age. Also a hair-raising increase in autism (my eldest is one). There is a 1 in 150 chance OR greater!! to have a child on the autism spectrum now.
While these facts raise many issues, the one thats been on my mind is lack of special education in Pakistan. SPecial ed kids over there are typically left with their families to deal with - for education, care, sustenance, daily living. I know there ARE special schools but it seems that they are so very few and far between and that the general opinion seems to be to ignore those who have special needs. Isnt it time to change this? My son is autistic but because of the programs he has here, the support system and teachers - he seems like a typical kid.
If I were young and single, I’d go to college to become well certified in all aspects of special education then I’d go over there and open a school. Or if I win lotto.
But really, isnt it time to change this attitude? I know one boy over there who is deformed, in a wheelchair and has a urinary tube. Much wrong with his body. NOTHING wrong with his mind. But he never went to school, cannot read or write. All because of the attitude toward the handicapped. What can be done to change this?
lol, yeah I know LI....however, I personally happened to meet my prince charming once my years of "prime fertility" were pretty well past me. And it seems that these days, most gals want to graduate from college (preferably with masters), have a career for a few years and THEN get married and start thinking abt raising a family. Maybe I'm wrong, but most first time mothers seem to be well into their 30s, at least here anyway.
As far as "over there", yeah, the more rural gals are still keeping to the rhythyms of their biological clocks. They, I think, are so lucky in many ways. It actually IS very hard to be a first time mom later in your life, it takes so very much out of you. I do my best but I also really feel the lack of energy - the energy that i DID have when I was in my 20s!
although it is very true that menopause happens much sooner for women than andropause happens for men and women are less sexual than men with the help of modern science and medicine that can be changed to a ceratin degree, for example hrt could be an option.
yes and thats exactly what I had to do. I was not menopausing, not THAT old yet lol! But the fact remains, the age of first time mothers (in USA anyway) is at an all-time high and so is the need for reproductive-assistive technology. It seems also that the incidence of autism, prematurity and special-needs children have increased at the same rate. That was my point.
growth rate among whites in western countries is on the decline.they dont want to burden themselves with the responsibility of raising kids when they are still in their 20s especially if they are not financially strong.and secondly they dont think having kids is cool anyway untill they get older
mmaof3, is it so because of that or is it also because atleast here such data is kept and not in other places?
I mean it could be age of mother, it could be environmental factors, could be innoculation per some folks, but I think we just do a better job of maintaining data than many other places.
And it seems that these days, most gals want to graduate from college (preferably with masters), have a career for a few years and THEN get married and start thinking abt raising a family. Maybe I'm wrong, but most first time mothers seem to be well into their 30s, at least here anyway.
I know of two examples, one desi and one American, where women had their kids (both between ages of 20-25) and then completed their grad studies. American one, who took 3-4 years off after birth, went back to school and work; she has a thriving career.
Women are making a choice to postpone childbirth. Few women are having kids early and resuming their education and careers and doing fine as well. It's a trade off. I can see why the team 'postpone children' wants to postpone; like men, they have a lot of freedom and 'variety' to sample before settling down.
It boils down to choices. IF socieyt en-masse wants to support young women having children, some societal changes are needed. Germans are paying mothers to have 'german' kids. :D
I'm quite sure that there could be a better understanding of all of the issues if all countries kept better data. Also affecting the data is that autism is now diagnosed and recognized more easily. My son is "on the spectrum" but most people would not associate his personality with it. Indications seem to be that its a genetic "tendency" with possible "environmental triggers" whatever THAT may mean.
Its SUCH a huge undertaking, to be a parent these days, it just seems to me like its so much more complex than it used to be - maybe because we know so much more. Maybe because we work much harder and much longer than previous generations before we start a family.
I'd not have my family any other way. But I do wish, now that we "know so much", that we knew MORE if you can understand what I mean.
Its SUCH a huge undertaking, to be a parent these days, it just seems to me like its so much more complex than it used to be - maybe because we know so much more. Maybe because we work much harder and much longer than previous generations before we start a family.
I think having children has become more complicated because we as a society are so much more materialistic than ever before, and our things come before ourselves and our families. Compare us to our mom's generation. They managed to find happiness and contentment in their economic circumstances, based on their husband's income. It was totally acceptable to not have a second car (or to have a simpler, used car as the second car); it was unheard of for the average middle class woman to have a designer handbag, designer shoes, $200 jeans; you were happy with one TV in the house with the broadcast channels, rather than flat screens with a satellite hookup in every room, cell phones for every man woman and child, ipods, computers, blackberrys, etc. Plainly said, these things cost money, and when people made these luxuries into necessities, you were damned if you weren't a two-income family. It becomes hard for women to leave their jobs and jeopardize their careers to start families. And again, once you have the family going, most likely you'll have to pay for childcare. It's like this vicious circle--if I work, I'll need childcare, but if I need childcare, I have to work in order to pay for it. I sometimes do blame women for insisting on keeping up with the Joneses (or even outdoing them), because for most women, if they put their mind to it, they could easily make do in one income, but only if they were willing to make sacrifices.
RK, you made some very valid points but theres more to the story here. In USA, theres a focus on work work work. 2 weeks vacation for the lucky ones, one week for the rest. White collar workers spend 10 hours a day working as the norm. So there are all kinds of "instant meals", "instant messaging", instant everything. WHen I was growing up, mothers didnt work and fathers came home at 5:30 pm. Thats just not possible anymore. Its a crazy life, one where everyone wants everything instantly - just add water.
its a very tough thing to have a one-income family here if you want to own a house. and moms get so worn out cause dads work such long hours, IF you're lucky enough to be able to get by on one income.
Society (especially DESI people) also need to accomodate the fact that for some of us the whole trying to conceive process is somewhat heartbreaking…
Sure, biologically the peak might be 17-25…I had two pregnancies in that tiome..now I am 27 so am I too old? Is it my fault that I am this age without kids?
I think having children has become more complicated because we as a society are so much more materialistic than ever before, and our things come before ourselves and our families. Compare us to our mom's generation. They managed to find happiness and contentment in their economic circumstances, based on their husband's income. It was totally acceptable to not have a second car (or to have a simpler, used car as the second car); it was unheard of for the average middle class woman to have a designer handbag, designer shoes, $200 jeans; you were happy with one TV in the house with the broadcast channels, rather than flat screens with a satellite hookup in every room, cell phones for every man woman and child, ipods, computers, blackberrys, etc. Plainly said, these things cost money, and when people made these luxuries into necessities, you were damned if you weren't a two-income family. It becomes hard for women to leave their jobs and jeopardize their careers to start families. And again, once you have the family going, most likely you'll have to pay for childcare. It's like this vicious circle--if I work, I'll need childcare, but if I need childcare, I have to work in order to pay for it. I sometimes do blame women for insisting on keeping up with the Joneses (or even outdoing them), because for most women, if they put their mind to it, they could easily make do in one income, but only if they were willing to make sacrifices.
here is a little exercise for you. take avg income, and then compare it to avg home prices in different cities. or even rent...
whats the choice then, living in a bad area or some hole in the wall city where the prces are low but fulfilling job opportunities are minimal?
when you talk about workign couples who are doing it to keep up with joneses, you have to also factor in people who have to have 2 incomes to survive. Look around there are plenty out there.
Some "apne waleh" think that I have delayed having a family to concentrate on my career....and they say the most hurtful things...such as I am gettin gon etc etc.....people really need to engage their brains before making assumptions
Getting pregnant is quite complex - in that there are various different dependant conditions in terms of timing etc..so thats bad enough without people throwing in such things as "societ acceptable age"!
oh desis are a bunch of morons when it comes to this stuff. I have seen the crap hurled at myself and my wife, and that was a prime reason I cut off a number of ‘friends’ from my circle.
The straws that broke the kamal’s back was when I was away on business and my wife was invited to some party and was treated like a pariah, with everyone doing khus phus about her and just keeping her at a distance…narrated to me not just ber her but another pal who was there who was disturbed at what was going on.
and then another person who invited begum to this idiot’s kid’s bday by saying “mashaAllah, mashaAllah, MashsAllah, he will be 1, and InshaAllah InshaAllah InshaAllah we will be celebrating it next saturday” … as if we dont know the cultural stuff on why it was being said to us like that…as if we are some bad luck or have badd nazar..
my wife’s crime on why she was mistreated like this,… she lost her twins.
Then those people whined about why we dont see them anymore.
oh desis are a bunch of morons when it comes to this stuff. I have seen the crap hurled at myself and my wife, and that was a prime reason I cut off a number of ‘friends’ from my circle.
The straws that broke the kamal’s back was when I was away on business and my wife was invited to some party and was treated like a pariah, with everyone doing khus phus about her and just keeping her at a distance…narrated to me not just ber her but another pal who was there who was disturbed at what was going on.
and then another person who invited begum to this idiot’s kid’s bday by saying “mashaAllah, mashaAllah, MashsAllah, he will be 1, and InshaAllah InshaAllah InshaAllah we will be celebrating it next saturday” … as if we dont know the cultural stuff on why it was being said to us like that…as if we are some bad luck or have badd nazar..
my wife’s crime on why she was mistreated like this,… she lost her twins.
Then those people whined about why we dont see them anymore.
