I’ve seen parents comparing one child with another, within the family, causing self image issues among siblings instead of a healthy competition. Right now my daughters are very young and I haven’t gone through that myself, but I’d like to hear views on why that happens and can that be of any help in nurturing the child?
Re: Comparing children
It is a never good idea all the child experts advise against it. I never compare them against each other or kids from other families. Some time ago my kids were comparing their material possessions with material possessions of other kids in the community. I had to train them to count their blessings and they have learned that lesson.
Re: Comparing children
This normally happen without even parents noticing that they are comparing kids quite frequently. We try to avoid it as much as we can although we give example of one to another so that they can pick it up form their role model. We have a 6 years old prince and a 3 years old princes.
For example 6 years old is in the habit of not eating vegetables while our 3 years old love vegetables in fact her nick name is "Cubumber ki Dushman" and "Broccoli Ki Dushman" so we sometime present her as role model for our 6 years old in eating. In other aspects such as in manners, guy beats little girl hands down and we try to portray him as her role model to follow.
We discussed it with their pediatrician and he said its ok to go to this extent. As per him, as far as we are keeping it balanced, like not always giving the example of particular 1 to another and not in front of third person specially their friends, children will be fine.
If theirs some1 in ur family who is the same age then its gotta happen, im talkin with expereance,
people tried to compare me with one of my cousins but they couldn’t as our work was different and our place were we studied had different ways to show results.
I think some people compare their kids so they can show off or maybe their happy their child is doing so well that they want to share it withthe world.
Im not sure if it helps the child as it depends on the child, some children may think their not good enough and give up in that subject whereas another child may see it as a challenge and prove that they can do better.
Re: Comparing children
i used to get compared to my cousins all the time by a particularly vindictive aunt. it isn't fun and sometimes bothers me to this day. it was more to get back at my mother and i happened to be an easy target.
its stupid and immature and it can cause issues within cousins and families.
Re: Comparing children
parents/adults shouldnt put children down, especially infront of others, this can have a big impact on their confidence and self esteem. and those are the two most important things a child needs to learn*.*
it's best to use postive words when you give children critism e.g."tht was a good effort, but u could of done better". Parents know their child best, so dont put them in a difficult position. know their development needs/levels and support them in achieving them.
Oy…mental midgets eh..picking on kids just to get back at someone else..uff!
One of my friends had a baby same time as her bhabhi did and she said it was almost a competition between them who could lose weight the quickest, b/c even if htey dont care themselves, its outsiders who will not shut their traps.
Anyways back to the topic… i sometimes compare my nephews..like one looks like this and the other looks like that, or their habits or demeanor..but i honestly dont think what i’m saying could have a negative impact..Gosh i hope it’s not.. 
Re: Comparing children
I have a cousin in my family who used to get compared to me all the time. Her father would tell her in front of me: why cant you be more like her? We were so close as kids but as we got older, I could tell she started to hate me. She still dislikes me and avoids me in functions but I dont blame her. Its her father's fault for making our relationship such a competition and constantly comparing us.
Re: Comparing children
Some parents compare their kids with another,so that to bring out the best in their kids,but,i think,when a child is compared with another,it does more harm than good to the child,as the child starts having low self-esteem..
Re: Comparing children
comparision is not a good idea. It leads children being somehow rebelious. Its good to identify their strengths individually and take it from there and help them onwards so forth. All kids are different and its not fair to compare.
Re: Comparing children
this reminds me of a horrible family example. there first born was a girl who was fair skinned and had alright bone structure. second one was more roundly and darker complexion.the maternal side was exceptionally insensitive in comparing them constantly and rather balatantly. the girls were very young. older one also had a sunny disposition, every kid has independent temperament. however the situation declined to a level where the young one became extremely violent and aggressive especially towards elder sister. then she was sent to extended family on father's side in another city because doc said the adults here are just not considerate enough. gradually she lost the voilent tendencies. the worst thing was deemed the mother's behaviour since she kept targetin her physical attributes and the child was pushed to a point where she became emotionally bankrupt. Although since this happened in early childhood the separation did well and she grew up to be a confident doc , now the sisters maintain good relationship.
Re: Comparing children
oh ma parents always compare us with my cousin......
i told mom she should adopt her........its not like she is extra ordinary....its jst she goes to everyone's house where ever her mom takes her.... i mean to socialize with old aunties....where as me and sister thinks its not that big of a deal......and we dont ALWAYS have to socilize with mom's friends but mom thinks girl tend to learn alot .........
Re: Comparing children
A parent cannot help but to compare his/her child to others. The thing is to keep it to yourself and to address any real or perceived issues in a timely manner. NEVER compare children in front of them. And teach them - even from infancy - that everyone is DIFFERENT. Different is ok. Everyone learns differently, everyone has different interests. Everyone learns at a different pace. Does NOT make one better than another, just makes them different from each other. Teaching that lesson in a way that the child internalizes and accepts it is the biggest gift you can give them.
Re: Comparing children
Mamaof3 - you are right. One should never compare their own kids with others... you know as a matter of FACT - One must compare the parents abilities in raising their own children - then parents will see why their children are the way they are - lacking in something or being extremely awesome in everything. Parents will definitely find out THEIR own weaknes - then THEY can BEAT THEMSELVES up for NOT being a GOOD enough parent - lol... at least it will save the child from having a low self-esteem.
Re: Comparing children
my cousins granddad who has now passed away , went mad always comparing us to our cousins ( phuppos kids ) he would make us have competitions and if they won he would rub it in our faces . he would tell us to spell words and if we did it wrong he would laugh and make us feel very bad . my phuppo is also always comparing and bigging her kids up .
its not nice to be compared as my cousin and me were same age same school so at times i felt so down.
but all is well , it doesnt get to me anymore as they now dont have anything to compare us to .
my phuppo and dadi have made our lives hell troughout years with this constant comparison but now they wnt their daughters to be where we are
my phuppo is disliked by the whole khandaan for the very reason that she is always always complimentin her kids and saying they are better , now no one likes them and their rishta's broke for that reason too.
anyways kids should not be compared all , each child is individual and special