Everyone says communication is the cornerstone of a happy marriage…but it just doesn’t work for us anymore and I don’t think it ever did. Even communicating about mundane things like day to day errands seems like a losing battle because of the attitude he takes towards me. I used to tell him how I felt and what bothered me but they always led to really bad fights so I stopped.
I love my husband and he’s not a bad guy. I want to appreciate him more but communication is one of the bases of a marriage, that we don’t have and…I just don’t know. I just don’t feel like I can talk to him about anything. He says I can but past experiences have really hurt me and made me change myself.
and yes before some smart ass comes in here, I admit that I am not a newbie, I am not a troll and I’d appreciate some genuine advice and respect for my privacy. Thanks.
Did you know him prior to marriage as a friend? Or was this more arranged?
You have a couple of options here. You can talk to him openly, and be very clear rather than round-about in your complaints. Talk to him and outline X, Y and Z as your problems with him. Give him concrete examples and give him concrete suggestions.
Sounds like he wants to make things work, and both of you are talking to each other, but not really. He just probably processes relationship dynamics differently than you do. In other words, when you're upset and you make a face, he may not be reading it as "she's upset", and maybe he thinks a bug got into your nose.
It's not really a guy vs. female thought process issue. People in generally all think different, and you just have to understand his personality better, I think. Understand his personality type, how he deals with conflicts, etc, and I think you can handle him better.
But this is why I keep saying, we desis need to date more - we need to be open to communicating with the opposite sex, because we just don't have any bloody clue how to deal with each other, and then we have the brilliant idea to get married, and you spend your life just having to tolerate the other person, and that's just sad.
Everyone says communication is the cornerstone of a happy marriage....but it just doesn't work for us anymore and I don't think it ever did. Even communicating about mundane things like day to day errands seems like a losing battle because of the attitude he takes towards me. *I used to tell him how I felt and what bothered me but they always led to really bad fights so I stopped. *
I love my husband and he's not a bad guy. I want to appreciate him more but communication is one of the bases of a marriage, that we don't have and...I just don't know. I just don't feel like I can talk to him about anything. He says I can but past experiences have really hurt me and made me change myself.
and yes before some smart ass comes in here, I admit that I am not a newbie, I am not a troll and I'd appreciate some genuine advice and respect for my privacy. Thanks.
You need to tell what exactly you want to communicate and what have you done so far to communicate.
Did you know him prior to marriage as a friend? Or was this more arranged?
It was arranged but we did get to talk to each other and stuff. We've been married for 3 years now.
You have a couple of options here. You can talk to him openly, and be very clear rather than round-about in your complaints. Talk to him and outline X, Y and Z as your problems with him. Give him concrete examples and give him concrete suggestions. Sounds like he wants to make things work, and both of you are talking to each other, but not really. He just probably processes relationship dynamics differently than you do. In other words, when you're upset and you make a face, he may not be reading it as "she's upset", and maybe he thinks a bug got into your nose.
That's the thing. Sometimes, all I have to do is sigh very loudly or make a face....and he knows exactly what I am thinking and why I'm upset. and othertimes he can just be so mean. Mostly it's over very minor stuff that seems kind of petty to get angry over....but it's those little little incidents that add up and I'm starting to resent him.
communication is key in most matter of life including married life.
I'm sorry but what was the point of your post? just to copy what I already said? If you have nothing to add hten just stay away please.
Sometimes, all I have to do is sigh very luodly or make a face....and he knows exactly what I am thinking and why I'm upset.
don't know about your husband, but trust me guys are really straightforward, we don't really get what's happening there in your complicated minds. all you do is a ''sigh'' or ''make a face'' and then you say communication doesn't work anymore!! do you really know what communication means??
don't know about your husband, but trust me guys are really straightforward, we don't really get what's happening there in your complicated minds. all you do is a ''sigh'' or ''make a face'' and then you say communication doesn't work anymore!! do you really know what communication means??
What I am tryign to say is, whenever I talk to him about anything, he just gets very...weird.
He treats me like I'm an idiot, talks down to me, gets frustrated and annoyed very very very easily at me.
To me communication is just talking to your partner...not having to feel like you have to hide everything in order to avoid tension in the home.
There are different types of Communications. The way you communicate matters the most. At times I might think that my communication with my wife was quite reasonable but I might realize my mistakes only when the video of my face expressions, selection of wordings, my tone of talking, the timings of presenting my point and my reaction to her explanations is shown to me. Sometimes we don't realize these minor matters. We don't realize when our behavior becomes repulsive, when our tone becomes sarcastic, when our words become pinching, when our timings was the worst to bring up an issue...etc.
Ofcourse we have to only work on ourselves and try to make our own communication perfect, because that is only what is in our control. And as you improve you would see an improvement in his behavior. I shouldn't say things that might make my wife feel bad about herself. I should first appreciate and acknowledge what good she is already contributing in my life. I should not have the tone of gila shikwa, that I am naraaz, ab mujhey manao..I shouldn't expect too much from her and try to understand her situation, and the hectic routine she has to go through. I should make things difficult for myself and easier for her. I should try to come up to her expectations to my level best and shouldn't expect much in return, but ofcourse without compromising on my religious values and principles.
What I am tryign to say is, whenever I talk to him about anything, he just gets very...weird.
He treats me like I'm an idiot, talks down to me, gets frustrated and annoyed very very very easily at me.
what your posts suggests is that ''communication doesn't exist anymore'' rather than it doesn't work anymore. Anyways I hate to say that but he is BORED. Talk to him in his language, be reasonable, and ask him what's wrong with him! tell him that you love him, and ask him if he's not ready to listen you, who should you go to ?
Wisdom is the key to good communication. The same point you can convey to your husband through different ways. It is up to you to use your experience, pray to Allah (swt) for Hikmah (wisdom), Say Bismillah, recite surah ikhlas and secretly blow on him (it would soften his heart, always worked for me), then select a way that he realizes his mistakes without being hurt, embarrassed or degraded. At times one might even convery ones point in a light joke indirectly, in a general way, giving general examples without pointing at him.
