holding hands to theek haye, but all the other stuff, no.
like several people have told here, its just so so uncomfortable, and above all sharam oor lehaaz ka daira hoota haye.
if you want to kiss your partner so badly, go to a room or something,
or anywhere.
pheley spouse to aane do .phir dekhain ge ke haath pakarne hain ya Galla in front of inlaws/parents
btway very dangerous intentions AShAAAAAA
Fret Wizard,
I am shocked and intrigued at the same time! My knee-jerk reaction would be -- whoa this is inappropriate by any standards! Then I realize that standards vary depending on culture and religion.
Could you put this (the events you saw) into context ? Was this a muslim wedding? Christians have different social etiquettes and then it would be totally understandable. Was the either one of the doohla or dhulhan half caucasian/non-muslim? Did this wedding take place in pakistan -- were they American/British born?
(I am impatient you didnt share those details!) ;)
If they were muslims (even first generation brought up in the West) -- I'd classify them under one of two groups. The first group being muslims who genuinely believe this to be acceptable behaviour, and their motivation is not anything to do with trying to judeo-christianize themselves. They are simply 'liberal'.
The second group -- muslims with an identity problem who see this as being a step towards 'modernization' (leaving behind primitive/backward social traditions to them synonymous with 'Islamic' values) with the whole effort ending up as merely an aping of Western culture.
ew siss man.
Re: Comfort level with spouse in front of parents
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
Recently I saw this young Pakistani couple kissing in front of their own parents, and it wasn't just a small peck on the lips. ......
I once went to a Pakistani wedding a few years ago, where the dhula and dhulan were sitting beside each other talking on the head table, when all of a sudden, they both leaned over to each other and kissed on the lips for a few seconds, and then repeated after a short while. .......
[/QUOTE]
I'm interested in knowing what the reaction of those who watched was. I can't believe it is accepted as normal in desi/Pakistani situations. People must have made comments, no desi could be quiet about that!
If you were there then what did you say to the person next to you? didn't the "aunties" talk?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by hanie: *
if you want to kiss your partner so badly, go to a room or something,
or anywhere.
[/QUOTE]
People who can not WAIT to do something, have no self control! What are they animals?
When I see people who are all over each other, to me that means they have a problem and they just don't want to show the world it. And those who walk around with each other like their enemies also makes me sick how in the world do they put of this is crap.
Never seen anything like this before. I think its still a tabo in our society. I don't have a problem if another married couple is kissing in front of their parents but for me it would be not reasonable, as it shows disrespect to your parents to kiss in front of them, its not something we are tought to do.
Forget kissing, I have seen/heard european kids walking naked in front of their parents / inlaws as its something really normal.. now thats something!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by custardeclair: *
Could you put this (the events you saw) into context ? Was this a muslim wedding? Christians have different social etiquettes and then it would be totally understandable. Was the either one of the doohla or dhulhan half caucasian/non-muslim? Did this wedding take place in pakistan -- were they American/British born?
(I am impatient you didnt share those details!) ;)
[/QUOTE]
Good point. I should have clarified. It was a Pakistani Muslim wedding. Both the bride and the groom were Pakistani Muslims born in Pakistan, but raised in Canada. The wedding took place in Canada as well.
Re: Re: Comfort level with spouse in front of parents
Well, when I first saw it happen, I was like 
for a second. Then I looked around in shock to see if other people had seen it, and how they reacted to it. Most didn’t show any reaction, but I did notice some kids whispering and chuckling to each other. I’m sure people must have talked about it after the wedding, but tried not show it or talk about it during.
I think I'd be too shy to even hold hands, but maybe with time things would change, not sure.
oh my god ive never seen that happen ever in my life and im glad hope i never do, i dnt think thats right its embarrassing for the parents if u were in their face kissing ur spouse, not to mention all the other people ud b surrounded by. id never do anything like that id b to shy:blush: holding hands is definitely the limit!
...now I'm shocked nobody reacted much!
These kids must have been dating openly and crossing physical boundaries then as well-- and their parents must have been cool about that.
oh look at them...bachay kithnee mohabat karthayn hain aik doosray say!
I dont know many Pakistanis who'd have the guts to show such affection otherwise.
A friend of mine attended a Los Angeles wedding of Pakistani muslims brought up outside pakistan (middle east and the US), who had a maulvi recite Christian marriage vows standing before them as they do in a Church, with the audience facing the couples backs.
Do you take seema to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and cherish as long as you live?... etc
He ended with 'You may kiss the bride now'.
At that point the couple just giggled at each other and walked down holding hands.
There was no recitation from the Quran at any point.
I wouldn't make any assumptions about the couples like that...
Anyways, I think we are just not used to seeing such things. I could be wrong, but religiously, if a couple is married, there can be PDA right?
I know culturally its wierd. The other day a bunch of us were hanging out-the group was mixed, hindu and muslim college kids. There were 3, 4 couples all hindu. Only one was very affectionate, and no one said anything in front of or around them, but when they weren't around, everyone thought it was just a little too much PDA for them-not really wrong, just wierd.
I for one could never kiss in front of my parents. Holding hands? i'm not sure.
For people claiming its a more western thing, or a dating thing, I don't think that's always the issue
Take for example my Mom and her sisters. Now my mom is oldest and uber-traditional. My parents are never physically affectionate in front of ANYBODY. However, if you go down a few sisters, one of them has no problem. They don't kiss, but they hold hands, and lean against eachother etc. Their marriage was completely arranged, she grew up here, but my khalu came here after marriage. My grandparents were very traditional and strict. Yet, no one has a problem with them or thinks anything of it.
So in the end it depends on the couple and their level of comfort.
what is defined as acceptable PDA according to Islam?
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by custardeclair: *
A friend of mine attended a Los Angeles wedding of Pakistani muslims brought up outside pakistan (middle east and the US), who had a maulvi recite Christian marriage vows standing before them as they do in a Church, with the audience facing the couples backs.
*Do you take seema to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and cherish as long as you live?... etc
He ended with 'You may kiss the bride now'.
At that point the couple just giggled at each other and walked down holding hands.
There was no recitation from the Quran at any point.
[/QUOTE]
Interesting. I've been to a wedding here which was similar, however, it wasn't a Maulvi reciting the vows, it was a white person. However, this was only the legal court marriage. The Pakistani wedding happened afterwards with the Maulvi.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by custardeclair: *
A friend of mine attended a Los Angeles wedding of Pakistani muslims brought up outside pakistan (middle east and the US), who had a maulvi recite Christian marriage vows standing before them as they do in a Church, with the audience facing the couples backs.
Do you take seema to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and cherish as long as you live?... etc
He ended with 'You may kiss the bride now'.
At that point the couple just giggled at each other and walked down holding hands.
There was no recitation from the Quran at any point.
[/QUOTE]
are they married in Islam in that manner? I mean would that work?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Majestic: *
are they married in Islam in that manner? I mean would that work?
[/QUOTE]
Wedding vows like those which were stated in the previous post do not confirm a marriage. It has to be done Islamically.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Fret Wizard: *
Wedding vows like those which were stated in the previous post do not confirm a marriage. It has to be done Islamically.
[/QUOTE]
yeah thats what I mean. I do not like those whole vows business, just ask and get it over with, it should not be soo hard, as some non muslims make it out to be.