I have around 3-4 months till my wedding. My fiance and I are spending a lot of time together, just hanging out, watching movies, talking over coffee, picking furniture and honeymoon destinations. But I’m really questioning whether I can spend the rest of my life with him?
We both have different personalities. I am more opinionated and into discussing politics, philosophy etc… and he’s a laid back, fairly unopinionated but fairly sweet person. I enjoy his company but sometimes I get bored around him and feel like I have to be a different person when he’s there [different = subduing my opinions, acting more “ditzy”].
Is it normal to have such thoughts? Did any of u have them?
Re: cold feet
umm I duno what to say, I'm getting married in 6 weeks!
did you do an istakhara?
Re: cold feet
like mswasim1 said, if you haven't done istakhara, it'd probably be best.
Re: cold feet
whats a istakhara
yes i did. a lot of people do. how would you feel if he said to you he was having these feelings too, that he couldnt spend his life with you or was bored of you. how would you feel. nevertheless i had these thoughts, but now im married, i cant imagine life withuot my husband,alhumdulilah im very happy. and u will be too.
Re: cold feet
A laid back, fairly unopinionated and sweet person is far better than an opinionated person who would force his own decisions on you. He must have his own interests, I think you can enjoy his company more if you take interest in his perspectives. Don't think that a good partner needs to challenge you at all levels. Unable to discuss politics, philosophy does not turn him into a bad husband. Marriage is just a whole new adventure, remain as positive as you can.
Personally, I think spending a lot of time together before the wedding kinda takes away the surprise element out of the entire process.
"Istikhara" means to seek goodness from Allah (Exalted is He), meaning when one intends to do an important task they do istikhara before the task. The one who does the istikhara is as if they request Allah Almighty that, O the Knower of Unseen (Exalted is He) guide me if this task is better for me or not?
Istikhara needs to be done before you decide to marry a person (arranged or love) i.e before getting engaged.
Re: cold feet
^ nice post! :)
Re: cold feet
Thanks guys.
I wanted to know whether this feeling is common in the months before the wedding?
Re: cold feet
I suppose so. I did go through these feelings before my nikah, but after a couple of years of Nikah, with the Rukhsati just around the corner, I am sure the guy is right :)
but when marriage is a gamble, no one knows what is in store for any of us
Best wishes
A laid back, fairly unopinionated and sweet person is far better than an opinionated person who would force his own decisions on you. He must have his own interests, I think you can enjoy his company more if you take interest in his perspectives. Don't think that a good partner needs to challenge you at all levels. Unable to discuss politics, philosophy does not turn him into a bad husband. Marriage is just a whole new adventure, remain as positive as you can.
*Personally, I think spending a lot of time together before the wedding kinda takes away the surprise element out of the entire process. *
"Istikhara" means to seek goodness from Allah (Exalted is He), meaning when one intends to do an important task they do istikhara before the task. The one who does the istikhara is as if they request Allah Almighty that, O the Knower of Unseen (Exalted is He) guide me if this task is better for me or not?
Istikhara needs to be done before you decide to marry a person (arranged or love) i.e before getting engaged.
I am 100% agreed :)
Re: cold feet
This is a normal feeling before any marriage. However, I must tell you that you cannot find a person who will not bore you some of the times and around whom you don't have to adjust yourself. That is what compromise is all about. If it makes you too uncomfortable then you may want to reconsider but if you think he has more positives then don't fear. Getting into marriage is stressful for sure but don't find things to stress over. InshaAllah pray to Allah for his guidance.
Re: cold feet
**i wud like to say that istiKhaara is not like a litmus test that u can perform to derive the benefits of Allah's guidance. for that one must conform to islamic way of life. do all the prescribed things that Allah has ordained on u then u do the istiKhaara and insha Allah u will get benefit. u must be a good practicing muslim b4 u go ahead and do istiKhaara.
aise bhi log maiN ne dekhe haiN jinke jeb men Haraam kii kamaaii hotii hai aur vo Halaal gosht kii dukaan talaash karte haiN.
Allah hamko hidaayat de aameen aur uske liye khuloos e niyat aur 'amal kii zaroorat hai. aameen**
Re: cold feet
ufff! stop thinking too much ..InshaALLAH i'm also going to be married after 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)]
Re: cold feet
Sorry, one more thing..if he's all sweet, thats really wonderful girl!! You should just be thankful to ALLAH Taala...and istikhara must be done before engagement ! and not when the date of the nikkah or wedding is finalized between two respectable families... meri maano, stop thinking too much, its sometimes from shaitan as he is totally against Nikkah and in favor of Zina! sorry again if i posted something OFF the topic, but still my two cents! just pray "salaat ul hajaat" and make duas for him and yourself to have a happy and successful married life :)
No offence. But spending too much time together could be another reason why you feel bored around him now. Being engaged & being married are two different things. Engaged life still has certain limitiations. Once you are married it will be different. You become more open in thoughts & all. Also if you are that concerned about how boring you find your relationship sometimes. Talk to him about it.
i wud like to say that istiKhaara is not like a litmus test that u can perform to derive the benefits of Allah's guidance. for that one must conform to islamic way of life. do all the prescribed things that Allah has ordained on u then u do the istiKhaara and insha Allah u will get benefit. u must be a good practicing muslim b4 u go ahead and do istiKhaara.
aise bhi log maiN ne dekhe haiN jinke jeb men Haraam kii kamaaii hotii hai aur vo Halaal gosht kii dukaan talaash karte haiN.
Allah hamko hidaayat de aameen aur uske liye khuloos e niyat aur 'amal kii zaroorat hai. aameen
I totally disagree with you on this one. Just because you are doing five wrongs doesn't mean you can't do one right thing.