Then one can argue that don’t blame the son. He is only doing what his mommy ingrained in his head from day 1: “You must obey me. I am always right. I carried you within me for 9 months and went through hours of painful labor to bring you into this world. And even yet I have not severed the umbilical cord that connects me to you. I sacrificed for you. To put another person above me would be huge sin.”
Some parents (parents from various races/cultures) do not implement healthy parenting techniques. They give their children very little say in making decisions when they are young and this carries into adulthood. As adults…the “children” lack the confidence and independence in making grown-up decisions even in their own personal lives…because it was an opportunity rarely given to them.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. We are held accountable for our **OWN **mistakes. I don’t think God would say, “Oh okay…so you acted like a monster because your own MIL was also abusive. That’s excusable. You’re free to go” I think it would be more like “You know how it felt like to be treated like crap…and I gave you aqal and a conscience to not repeat the same mistakes. And yet you decide to use your free will to put another person through the same HELL that you went through yourself???”
If the MIL is playing games…then as an adult woman…who is hopefully of sane mind…she is accountable for what she’s doing. She cannot be exempt from blame just because her own MIL was a demon.
Similarly…all the blame cannot be put on the son. He might have been raised as a chooza…but at some point he’s got to develop a backbone. And this does not mean yelling at his mom and kicking her out of the house. It means being able to discuss conflicts with mommy calmly yet FAIRLY. And if he’s STILL to weak because that’s how his upbringing has made him…then even in this case…SOME blame is put on the parents for not instilling a healthy amount of independence in him.
And even the DIL has the responsibility of bonding with her in-laws and exercising patience if she’s going to be living with them. Since she’s going to be the “new addition” to the family…she has got to do some compromising and find civil but tactful ways of getting her own needs met.
Choozas perhaps should save girls from a life of misery by not getting married. But at the same time…it’s sad that they don’t realize ON THEIR OWN that by now they should grow up into roosters and develop a voice…and…it’s sad that parents did not equip chooza with rooster-becoming skills. 