It has always been believed children are a reflection of god and all things pure and innocent. But how much of it is true?
Testimony of a child in child abuse cases, how reliable is it? Don’t children often lie through their teeth, don’t they say what a parent wants to hear? If a parent does suspect someone, questions directed at the child often bear unintentional and indirect cues to what is expected of them as an answer.
Should we always believe what a child says?
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Their thinking process is not as devious as that of an adult. They will only change facts or lie, if they feel they will be hurt.
But yeah they are innocent.
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Have you not witnessed children ratting on their sibs or friends and spicing up the stories just to make themself look as the victim in the situation? They(as human beings) have an active imagination, children do make up things!
So what's your take on it, Should a child's testimony be enough to put someone behind the bars?
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Kids can be pretty darn mean (even evil?). Has anyone read Lord of the Flies?
But I think it's largely because they are testing their limits (or lack there of).
We definitely romanticize children and their innocence -- and favor children over adults in a way that is probably unfair.
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children do lie, however innocent they are...some kids i know and have taught are pure evil!! at teh age of 4!!
my 5 year old cousin once told me she lies because she can...so simple, yet so true, i think that some children dont understand the concept of lying as well as adults do, but they do lie.
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My kids dont lie, I ask my #2 did you hit your brother and says yes, I ask him where and how and he repeats, which pisses the hell out of the #3 and #1 but it is cute to see the middle one kicking their asses.
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Its up to us, as adults, to weed out what is truth and what is not. Children like to do what is expected of them and will say things that arent true if they think thats what you want. In cases of abuse, an experienced professional can tell the difference...and in those cases, its important to make use of an experienced professional.
In less serious cases, like bad behavior, grades, etc etc the parents should know their children well enough to be able to gauge and determine fact from fiction. An open and honest relationship, right from the start is so very important. Because yes, children are innocents...but they can learn quickly to give you what they think you want...which can lead them down the wrong path....
no one ever said parenting was easy...as a matter of fact, its the toughest job i could ever imagine! Not that I'd trade it for anything in the universe....but at the end of the day...stick a fork in me man, I'm done...mama outta steam!
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Chandbeti - Just something quick here in re to your question. I think it would be better to err on the side of believeing a child alleging abuse than to dismiss out of hand what they say. Unfortunately this goes on too much ESPECIALLY in the case of a child coming forward with a story of sexual abuse. Children do lie and embellish but only about things they know about. They know about a sibling hitting them because they have been hit.
If a child has come to you and says someone has been abusing them believe them until you know different.
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thats just a pride thing though…your second child is too proud of his abilty to beat up his older and younger sibling that he doesnt want to lie about it!
having observed and worked with young children for nearly 8 years…i would say that girls lie more than boys…boys dont mind doing naughty things and admiting them, girls do.
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...just some more thoughts....children CAN be evil. But that is learned. If they dont feel loved, if they dont feel important, if they are fearful....they learn very quickly how to manipulate. A child who gets no attention unless he/she is doing something bad...very quickly will learn to do bad things all the time. Because to them, even negative attention from a parent is better than none at all. But thats a bit off-topic.
To get back on the topic, my brother married a divorced woman who had a 5 year old daughter. The wife didnt give much attention to the little girl except when she was bad. So she was really bad. My bro got lots of attention from his new wife so this little girl hated him. She accused him of abuse and he went thru absolute hell because of it. Once my brother passed a number of polygraphs and the little girl had a number of evaluations with psychiatrists, it was determined that the girl had serious "issues"....She was sent to live with her biological father and has issues to this day (she is now about 25).
Its all about giving children what they need - love, security, warmth at home, open and honest relationship. I mean they really have to be able to feel comfortable telling you everything and anything.
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mamaof3 i would love for you to be my mum, your so understanding about practically every single issue...mashallah your boys will grow up to be wonderful men...just keep chachu Heff away from them :p
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Let me clarify something here - this doesn't mean start accusing people about abusing children because a child says something, but to take the child seriously enough to remove the source of abuse (if you can) until you know better.
That is serious enough accusation that it is better to err on the side of safety than to ignore it because you think children can fib.
Again, children will lie but only of what they know about.
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Guilt depends on proof beyond reasonable doubt. I do not consider the testimony alone of a partially developed mind that can be easily manipulated to constitute beyind reasonable doubt.
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minah:
Have children ever come up on their own to testify an abuse of sexual nature? Like you say, how do they know it's wrong when they do not know about it at all? Most cases are triggerred by parents suspecting the child is being abused. And parents, as paranoid as they are always ask the "appropriate" questions in an appropriate manner, leading to children making up stories(in more than half of the cases). And as you have demonstrated, most parents would rather believe what a child says than anything else.
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Chandbeti - Not that I would believe a child automatically, but that I would take it seriously before I would dismiss it. Also, a child cannot go into detail about something it doesn't know about.
Parents are not paranoid, they don't want their child abused.
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A childs testimony. can be pretty shaky. Sometimes they will be so traumatized , they might say anything to get out of the situation. I dont think it has to do with being evil, it has to do with the fact that they are so young. I mean if they want something badly enough , they will not care about the consequences – but thats hardly evil its just the fact that they have a lot of growing up to do.
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Chandbeti have you ever worked with children who have been abused? im talking sexual abuse aswell as physical...
It is so difficult to even get some children to talk to you about the weather let alone their abuse. I would never ever doubt a child who says they have been abused. Think of the people who abuse such children, its got nothing to do with paroniod parents. Some of the abuse that goes on in family households forgetting shcool, nursery, hospitals, is so awful, i couldn't even begin to imagine what a child must feel going through it let alone an adult listening to it. one could never make up such stuff, not even a child.
When i was talking about children who lie, i meant lying about who stole the scissors and stuff, not abuse.
Iv worked with children from as young as of 5 who have been abused sexually, it is not a nice place to be and nor would i ever accuse a child of lying about stuff like this.
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Miss m: It's not about the cases where children have been genuinely abused. But sometimes everything is just based on assumptions and tell-tale signs, say a child starts acting withdrawn, touches himself in inappropriate places and so on, as been proven these are classic tell-tale signs of sexual abuse, but to this point it is just a possibility. Now what happens, parents start asking questions and keep asking until the child does blurt out something to that effect..such as " Did the sitter ever do something bad to u? Did she touch you or make you feel uncomfortable, tell me, say it, say the truth".. By now the kid has gauged what the parents want and need to hear and says the appropriate and even makes up stuff to support the theory parents are pushing.
No one is denying child abuse exists, but lying children are just as much a reality. Miss M, there have been documneted cases of children making up stuff, even in such matters. In the days of witch hunt, people burnt women at stakes just because kids made up a story about her being a witch and luring them into their house. And where did the novel idea of "witch" get into their heads, ofcourse from what they saw and heard around them. No one is saying they do it on purpose or out of spite, it's just how humans are designed, you keep providing cues and they will respond as needed. Why you think psychological experiments use blinds and double blinds? To keep people from gauging what the experiment is about and acting appropriately.
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im not denying that that there maybe some cases when children lie about abuse, but some of the children i have worked with, the parents didnt even know about the abuse, some refused to believe it, it was too embarrasing for them and some were the abusers.
The way in which child abusers work is very very manipualative, a child who has been subjected to this kind of abuse wouldn't know where the truth beigns and the lie ends and vice versa...i dont even know if this makes sense.
But basically, imagine being 5/6/7/8 years old, your dads/mums best mate (whatever) is sexually abusing you, your dad/mum care for this person a great deal, know this as this person is alwyas at you house ...(im nto good at painting pictures, so please read between the lines) you cant say anything, the abuser uses psychological manipulative language, actions, whatever abusers do to make you believe what they are doing is right....how clear is your head going to be about what is right/wrong....true/false?
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Chandbeti - when you read about such things, keep in mind there is a big difference between unsubstantiated and lying. Lying is not the truth and unsubstantiated means no other proof but what the child says (unfortunately, a lot fall through the cracks with this one).
Also, as I said, a child cannot lie about what it knows nothing about.
Yes, it has been known to happen that kids say what the parent wants to hear, but usually in child custody cases or in instances where the kid has been coached, but that is rare.
M_M - agree with everything I have read so far. Glad I wasn't the only one picking this up.