What do people thing is a decent gap between children if you plan on having more then one?
Most of the people I know are either very close together (say a year or two between each kid) or like 4-5 yrs difference.
Which is better and why?
Because wife is not a machine and producing children is a very hard job for her, so i suppose gap should be atleast around 2-3 years.
The gap between the kids also provides enough attetion and care to each kid by the parents.
I have read some where (dont quote me on this ) that
If you have a boy , should be atleast 2 yrs gap between next child
if you have a girl, should be atleast 1 yr gap.
but then you and your wife are the one to decide. some wife want to get 3 kids in 3 years and stop worring about it . some wnat to expand it over number of years.
Ok assuming women are best suited to having kids between 20 and 40 and a assuming the wife got a degree before marriage (meaning she got married around 24ish). Assume that the average desi family has three kids and each kid has three years between them. Also assuming that hubby is 5 yrs older and the couple wait two years to have their first kid here is what it looks like for the event-age setup:
First kids Birth (0)-----------College(18)--------- Graduation(22)---------Marriage (26yrs)----------First GrandKid(29)
Wife W(26)/Hubby H (31)-------College(W-44/H-49)------ Graduation(W-48/H 53)-----Marriage (W-52/H-57)------First GrandKid(W-55/H-60)
By the time the third kid gets married wife will be 58 and hubby 63.
With the trends of gals and guys marrying later in life (adding 3 more years to when the wife/hubby marry and when the kids get married), women having kids even later (+ another 3 yrs again to first kid and first grand kid), average life expectany of 70 for men (meaning half the men would be dead before then) this is what it would look like:
First kids Birth (0)-----------College(18)--------- Graduation(22)---------Marriage (29yrs)----------First GrandKid(35)
Wife W(29)/Hubby H (34)-------College(W-47/H-52)------ Graduation(W-51/H 56)-----Marriage (W-58/H-63)------First GrandKid(W-64/H-69)
So for guys on average they would be dead after their first grand kid is one year old (of course half the dads would be dead before then), will only see two of their kids get married and generally their first kid will marry around their retirement age. Also women will have their last kid at 41 and will live to see the birth of the third kids first child (avg exceptancy of women - 73)
This is in no way meant to offend anyone and my calculations may be somewhat off but its just interesting realizing how the current demographics and gaps between kids change peoples lifes. If the kids were four or even five years apart, most dads wont live to see any of thier grand kids assuming they get married around 34ish.
I do all this maths and no one is even interested :(
3-4 years age gap :k:
I think this a personal thing and no one way is right for everyone...
I'm older and we want to wait a few years so we'll have to have our 2 kids closer together....
or hope for twins?
I think I have done my good deed for the week. One of my friends read the thread and is now thinking she should give a rishta that came a "closer look" and may be get married soon. And this was a person who not so long ago was adamant about not getting married.
A lot of people think getting married younger is not good and I was only trying to show what it means to getting married older. Also most often the reasons suggested for not getting married are more likely then not material - as in career success. Very people just say that they dont want to get married cause they have no desire for it, instead it tends to be I would like to finish school/career/ etc. Each of which is important and so also are having the family...
No offense HMCQ but getting married early just because of kids just doesn't cut it as a reason to marry younger. People often aren't in a place emotionally, physically or career wise to marry and marrying someone takes a lot of thought...and work while you're in it.
Yes, I would push my daughter to marry younger but 25/26 is fine....as long as you start having your kids in the late 20s early 30s you're fine.
Its not a reason but a consideration. I was just showing you demographics of whats likely to happen. personally if I want to have three kids then I would like to be around for their weddings at hopefully also thier kids. Also have you noticed how hard it gets for kids and the family once one or both of the parents are dead especially in our cultures if they are unmarried.
As for my friend shes past 25 so its not like she was young :).
3 years is my idea of the gap....
i think my wife deserves the gap....
maybe some ppl think, lets just get over with having kids and then concentrate on bringing them up....
not me though....
I would want 2-3 years age difference between my kids. I want to have a total of two kids ideally, doesn't matter if it's a boy and a girl, two boys, or two girls. I want to have them in my early 30s. All that's needed is dulhe raja to complete the pic.
;)
either 1-2 years gap
or
5-6 years
Foregt about the gaps, just have twins and triplets. :D
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*Originally posted by Kaleem: *
Foregt about the gaps, just have twins and triplets. :D
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Actually i know someone who that happened to .....at first they had twin girls...n then 2 years later, they had triplets...boys!!! I felt so sorry for the couple...They were changing five diapers....making five bottles..putting five kids to sleep .....that HAD to be tuff...
^^ larki, you dont need to feel sorry for the couple. its a lot of fun. I know, I am a father of triplets daughters. Its a blessing and there is nothing more rewarding than spending time with your kids.
Is it tough at times, certainly, but if you try to set up the schedule it works out. for example, all three of my girls go to sleep between 8-8:30 (Masha_Allah) and wake up 6:30-7 in the morning. It takes a bit of discipline but it can be done. You can take my word on it.
2 years :k:
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Kaleem: *
^^ larki, you dont need to feel sorry for the couple. its a lot of fun. I know, I am a father of triplets daughters. Its a blessing and there is nothing more rewarding than spending time with your kids.
Is it tough at times, certainly, but if you try to set up the schedule it works out. for example, all three of my girls go to sleep between 8-8:30 (Masha_Allah) and wake up 6:30-7 in the morning. It takes a bit of discipline but it can be done. You can take my word on it.
[/QUOTE]
Kaleem you have triplets? No wonder you need an au pair.
Recent conversations with people reminded me of the calculations I had done before:
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So for guys on average they would be dead after their first grand kid is one year old (of course half the dads would be dead before then), will only see two of their kids get married and generally their first kid will marry around their retirement age. Also women will have their last kid at 41 and will live to see the birth of the third kids first child (avg exceptancy of women - 73)
[/QUOTE]
I know quite a few families where the parents are essentially retiring and the kids are 30ish or just over and none of them are yet married. So in a way the calculations applied to current generations as well.
hmcq you make having kids look like a Calculus formula.You ruined all the romance and fairytale quality involved.