Would be dissapointed in your children if they didn’t have the same level of spirtuality, religion as you?
Lets say they are a good person but don’t practice their prayers or just don’t have the faith that you were raised with.
What would you do if they questioned the faith they were raised in? Would you let them explore other possibilities or no that would not be exceptable in household.
Re: Children choosing their religion
Not at all. Im not practising at all only once in a blue moon. My brother declined the religion when he was younger. My dad tried to advice him. But he didnt wanna know. We all left him to come back in his own time. And now hes a very firm believer. Hes a really good person mashallah. Helps out anyone.
What im trying to say is, you cant force it on your children, and i wouldnt be dissapointed in anyway if my child didnt want to practise it. I wud send them to mosque up to the age of 12. (Jus like my parents did) In their own time they wud come back to it. They always do. If they dont, end of the day were all going to our own graves. Regardless of what anyone wud say.
Some parents force the religion on their children and little do they know what their kids get up too. However i wanna build a good relationship when i hav my children. Jus because they wont practise religion doesnt mean they dont have a good heart.
Re: Children choosing their religion
Njgal, I am going to talk Islamically , children are a sadka jaariah for parents... one of the key roles of a mother is to raise a child to respect their religion , have the religious knowledge that will lead the child to be on the right path. The right path for all of us muslims is Islam.
So clearly if my child questions his faith one day , or refuses to be a muslim, I will class myself as a total failure as a parent.
Though once kids grow up , no one can force them into following a certain faith and one can only pray to Allah for their hidayah. But yes it would be a great loss in blessings from Allah ...
My mother still gives me a joota if she sees that i am not doing my prayers and other basic fundamentals of the religion. At the end , this life is not everything really, we are raising kids not for this life but for the life hereafter ....
Re: Children choosing their religion
mostly if kids dont practice Islam (or whatever religion), its due to parents not practicing it themselves. When kids don't see parents praying 5 times a day, why would they?
If you try to be example yourself there are very less chances that kid is going to go some other way but khuda na karey if he dies try to question, I'll be happy to assist him/her but I'll off course not appreciate and will do everything I can to keep them on Islamic faith.
I have a firm believe I'll be questioned too about this on day of judgement.
Re: Children choosing their religion
^ chill Huma - it's a hypothetical question. I know it's a tough topic but it can be discussed in a sane manner.
I know what it says in the Quran. I don't think slap slap slap is the right answer. It can actually make the children rebel even more.
Children raised in very strict households (not just muslim but catholics and jewish, amish households) - tend to rebel more and that is FACT.
Lets say it's not even about not believing but questioning something as 4 marriages, or the way that inheritance is distributed. It is their right to question and you can't slap their mouth shut everytime they have a question.
People convert to Islam as well. Think about it. They must have questioned their beliefs. They must have had questions for their parents etc.
I am just trying to emphasize how serious an issue this is and parents should not take it lightly.
Your above experience has nothing to do with which religion a child will follow. Unless you are suggesting that if a child does not follow Islam, then they can resort to stealing etc hmmm??
Islam actually advocates using reason...so I agree with njgal...the slap slap approach makes no sense whatsoever.
Plus, if you believe you are truly following the right path and you are setting a good example, then leave it to God that your children too will follow the right path. Have "faith in your faith".
Re: Children choosing their religion
.. am gona see what comes of this thread .. .. .. but just to begin with ..letting your children decide is actually a question of your own faith ..If your own imaan is strong and you believe in what you believe .. then why would you let your children believe which in your view will be less of the view because your already part of the best believe..
Anyone ?
Njgal, thats the entire reason why kids may choose to leave a certain faith, they dont get appropriate answers to their questions.
There has to be a fair balance between teaching children about religion and then ensure even if it is by using moderate force that the child follows the fundamentals. Though i dont believe in slapping a child silly:nessy:
Parents should take serious responsibility of not only understanding the religion themselves but also being able to answer their kids questions , or at least guide them in the right direction tobe able to find the right answers …
Njgal, I am going to talk Islamically , children are a sadka jaariah for parents... one of the key roles of a mother is to raise a child to respect their religion , have the religious knowledge that will lead the child to be on the right path. The right path for all of us muslims is Islam.
I think the above is most important that religion should bring a person to right path. Now I have seen hundreds of example around me where the children/people follow religion strictly but do not follow the right path. I give u an example , one of my neighbours are very religious they offer regular prayers , fasts etc but I have literally seen them telling their 4 year old son to beat a cat with bat. Now islam doesn't teach us zulm on animals. they are following religion but definately not on the right path.
so i believe that being on the right path matters alot!
Fbi - when you children are little ofcourse you can MAKE them and TELL them what to do. Yes and you are right it is dependent on your faith as well.
My daughter questions me constantly because she is learning so much in Sunday school and at the mosque. My answers are enough for her right now tp appease her curiousity but maybe those answers will be not adequete when she is 20 or 30.
At that time - she will venture out to find answers for herself about things like hijaab, zabiha etc.
Do you think your faith and your practices is exactly like your parents? or is it a bit different?
and how many parents do you think are able to do that for their children?
I think they refer their children to a moulvi, or a priest or someone with higher knowledge of religion to give those answers.
Re: Children choosing their religion
Personally, My practices are exactly the same as my parents and how i was bought up but teh level of faith may differ because of the action we choose to do. And therefore, i still beleive that if the faith of teh parents is strong and they believe that what they believe is the right path, then when your children look upto you .. they will automatically following your footsteps .. they wont have to question anything becuase . they beleive that my parents chose this path because thats the rght path ..had it not been the right path .. they wud be lost ..
Its also the Quran and the hadith, that every human/child which is born from beginning of man till the day of judgement, they are born as muslim, but its the parents who choose what path to take, they are teh ones who make keep em on the right path, if his/her parents are majoosi, the kids will be majoosi i.e. fire worshipers, if parents are christians then children are christians, and if parents are jew then the children will be jew. << hadith of Prophet SAW..
If one beleives He/she is muslim to their best of ability and they are practising their imaan theres no reason whatsover that ones children would derail. This is the beauty of Islam.
For example you mention, hijaab etc, if ones mother isnt practising Hijab knowing that It is compulsory and the order of Allah Almighty, then her child will automatically question your faith ..when they realise that islamically my mother should be wearing hijaab, but if she is already wearing it. then the child will follow and she has no spec of doubt to even question why one wears hijab, because she ll know , that if hijaab wast something part of religion my mother wudnt b wearing it either.
End of the day, you decide your childs future. One biggest factor in muslims nowa days is the fact that muslims claim to be muslim but have VERY little knowledge of Islam itself, but if muslims begin to learn thier OWN religion, they would be practicing and automatically off-spring would practice, but when ppl stop practacing thats when ppl begin to get curious .. and tehy end up somewhere where their parents are crying afterwards k mera bacha meri baat nahi sunta/sunti - out of control, because theres no one left to continue with your good name and legacy as a consequence that ones child has taken another route.. but then its too late to even feel sorry ..and i have seen of this example.
ps. sorry for the long post :)
and how many parents do you think are able to do that for their children?
I think they refer their children to a moulvi, or a priest or someone with higher knowledge of religion to give those answers.
like i mentioned above , lack of knowledge in themselves ..whereas Prophet SAW said that it is compulsory on Every muslim (my words NOT just maulvi) to seek knowledge from teh cradle to the grave.
What I don't understand is why people are taking religion so light, especially muslims, even though they know their life revolves around religion or our life is based on religion. I don't know about non-muslims its their world their choice but if I have a kid first I will pray to ALLAH SWT that Please help me raising a good muslim. Ameen But its parent's duty to tell their children about religion and make them confident enough so that they cannot divert towards other faiths and religions.Give them good example of Prophet Mohammad's life and give them good advice and don't push them or slap them so they run away.
Sometimes parents push children so hard on religious issues that they start running away but if you teach them humbly and answering all their questions patiently may be they don't run.
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At that time - she will venture out to find answers for herself about things like hijaab, zabiha etc.
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At that time she should have enough sense to differentiate between right or wrong, it is like we tell our children to stay away from drugs and when parents help children they know its a bad thing so why can't they know what is right and wrong in Islam.
and how many parents do you think are able to do that for their children?
I think they refer their children to a moulvi, or a priest or someone with higher knowledge of religion to give those answers.
erm , how many parents ... is difficult to say , because majority of us in todays world have moved away from practising proper islam ... but about guiding ones child shouldnt always be about sending a child to a molvi..
I think FBI is making an absolutely right point, I will share my personal example, my mom dad always have Peace TV ( Dr Zakir naik ) or Dr Bilal philips on at home ... and when ever there were islamic question programmes , my dad would leave everything and encourage us to watch those programmes as a family.
Once I was very confused about a certain islamic issue, dad knew the answer , but instead of giving it to me in shortcut , he said lets research it ... believe me Njgal, we spent like two weeks looking up the internet , the hadeeth books , the Quran refrences .... and he was only taking me through with his knowledge about where to look etc ...I was very happy and satisfied with the answers i found and knew that in the future when ever there would be questions , I would confidently find their answers ...
Also , its the same thing as schooling , if you leave the kids to learn just at school and dont do any extra efforts , your kid might just end up an average kid .. you put extra efforts to educate your child and you see them at the top of the academics .. same is the case with religion, you gotta take interest in the childs religious education from a very young age or else risk losing them to confusion.
*mostly if kids dont practice Islam (or whatever religion), its due to parents not practicing it themselves. When kids don't see parents praying 5 times a day, why would they? *
Exactly! I agree with you there!
People know the consquences, But you cant jus nag your kids 24/7 You hav to realise at a certain age they have them own mind and take control of their own life. Our prophet also said when they hit the age of puberty leave them. Allah will deal with it in the next life. In the next life we wont know our family when were gettin judged. In our grave were alone. And were gonna be alone. So we can ADVICE our kids, but not force it, Because thats when they start to rebel.
^ chill Huma - it's a hypothetical question. I know it's a tough topic but it can be discussed in a sane manner.
I know what it says in the Quran. I don't think slap slap slap is the right answer. It can actually make the children rebel even more.
Children raised in very strict households (not just muslim but catholics and jewish, amish households) - tend to rebel more and that is FACT.
Lets say it's not even about not believing but questioning something as 4 marriages, or the way that inheritance is distributed. It is their right to question and you can't slap their mouth shut everytime they have a question.
People convert to Islam as well. Think about it. They must have questioned their beliefs. They must have had questions for their parents etc.
Exactly, Theres so much force and aggression when it comes to Teaching islam to children, My brother and cousin got sent to a mosque when they was younger and if they said sumthing wrong they wud get BEATS. I mean wth?! Then we all got sent to a amazing lady to taught us things in a nice way. A fun way. And we loved her. And we LOVED going mosque. Then when we was abit older we got sent to a different mosque where a Imaam taught us, And he was also really nice, Not a typical imaam, He was full of love. Never raised his voice or hand to ANYONE. Thats how it shud be. And thats how you come to love your religion.
Personally...
ps. sorry for the long post :)
Don't apologize FBI - good post. You are right if there is a lack in your understanding then you won't be able to communicate the proper understanding to your children.
Now the good Islamic scholars are saying - "don't take my word for it" - research it and find out he right meanings for yourself. I like that appraoch
*Chicken Biryani *- your dad did the right thing. It's the effort that counts. Sometimes we are eager to give the same answers that we were given and they don't make sense.
Re: Children choosing their religion
I dont only want my kids to have a good life in this world, but in the next world as well
I hope I am never the type of parent who gets upset if her kids fail a class and yet doesnt care if they skip prayers