Re: Child molestation
^ Yes, clearly that's what the parents in here are saying.
I think you need to reread the posts.
Re: Child molestation
Kakee, how are you doing? How are the radiation levels up there in Japan? 
Anyway, you don’t want to cut ties with rest of the world because of this fear/paranoia. You should still visit friends, family and take your kids WITH you when you go and come back WITH them. That is all.
Spiral/catskin, thanks. I was NOT trolling in that other thread. Just because I gave different opinion, no need for “troll” label. That is an easy way out of the argument, sorry to say. Women are suppose to be stronger than that, RIGHT? 
There is a thread on “troll” topic in feedback. Enjoy!
Re: Child molestation
^ Yes, clearly that's what the parents in here are saying.
I think you need to reread the posts.
what I said is what I perceived from jaan levas post. You don't have to be sarcastic with me.
Only half of what he said I agreed with but parents of the 21st century like to put their kids in a bubble and wrap them in cotton wool which I think is dangerous. You want them to prevent them from getting hurt thats fine but what I perceived from what Jaan leva said is that he advocates not trusting your own childs judgement.
You can prevent your kid from talking to strangers and what not but watching them like a hawk while with their friends? If you think your child or another persons child would do horrible things to each other if you're not watching then that is wrong.
I'm a strong advocate for not letting your kids watch television because they get addicted to it. Get them to read books, play outside, write stories, read the Qur'an, study there is so many other things you can do.
Re: Child molestation
Kakee, how are you doing? How are the radiation levels up there in Japan? :D Anyway, you don't want to cut ties with rest of the world because of this fear/paranoia. You should still visit friends, family and take your kids WITH you when you go and come back WITH them. That is all.
I'm good. Japan is recovering.
And at what age do you stop taking them with you? or start trusting them?
Re: Child molestation
I'm good. Japan is recovering. And at what age do you stop taking them with you? or start trusting them?
Never.
If kids had "judgement" then you wouldn't have to correct them, train them and tell them not to do certain things because you trust their judgement. When a kid is faced with socially engineered talk from an adult who is going to persuade the kid with cunning talk then a kids *judgement *cannot save him/her. If a kid touches hot stove, gets burn, you can trust their judgement in future that they won't touch it again. But the issue of being molested leaves a mental scar without the pain of burning and the child may fall to another predator since it was OKAY activity last time with another adult.
Moreover, if kids had better judgement, you wouldn't have to watch them when on a roof or in a parking lot... you *trust *their *judgement *right? They KNOW a car could back up anytime or they could fall from the roof... trusting their judgement when it comes to a child molester (another thinking, manipulative human) is not only foolish and puts the child at greater danger. Why take such unnecessary risk?
Your child is not going to hold you accoutable for not giving them privacy or not trusting their judgement. However, they are going to blame you for not protecting them or leaving them alone with someone because you couldn't take them with you or YOU couldn't use BETTER JUDGEMENT to take them with you.
Re: Child molestation
jaan leva, kitne sayanay ho. Agree with every post of yours :k:
Re: Child molestation
I agree with Jaan Leva. A kid under the age of 8 at-least cannot be trusted with his/her judgement. Even if you have to creep to protect them you should, that is what parents are for. When the kids hit a certain age they can have their privacy and all that mature wanabe chonchalay. Looking back at my childhood, I wish my parents watched over me at-least until I was 15/16. Rather safe than sorry.
Re: Child molestation
I do believe young children should be supervised strictly but once they are 15/16 you have to learn to let them make mistakes. How else will they learn? I'm doubtful that they will turn all evil villain on you and start smoking, drinking and have sex but we're talking about child molestation and no matter how hard you try to supervise it's never enough if you don't want your kid to be persuaded don't just say "don't talk to strangers", "don't accept candy from strangers" you have to also give reasons why. Why shouldn't they? Why shouldn't they trust this person?
Parents will always be fearful of the big bad world out there and kids will always be trustful but you can't watch them 24/7 that won't help and it would just agitate the child and he/she would want to go against what you tell them more.
So what I'm saying is reason with them, explain why its dangerous to trust everyone out there and that you only want them to be safe.
Re: Child molestation
Well, kids ask you WHY not and then you explain, of course.
I rather not let them make mistake of trusting an adult who is a child molester, that messes up child's life, leaves a stigma forever and heavy price to pay for instilling trust in your child. There are other ways to do that than to trust them with potential predator.
The teens are a different beast, we are mainly talking about younger kids, under 11. At 15/16, they are aware of their sexuality so you end up talking to them about different issues. Sadly, society like Pakistan/South Asia, even 15/16 aged kids are targeted.
Re: Child molestation
I do believe young children should be supervised strictly but once they are 15/16 you have to learn to let them make mistakes. How else will they learn? I'm doubtful that they will turn all evil villain on you and start smoking, drinking and have sex but we're talking about child molestation and no matter how hard you try to supervise it's never enough if you don't want your kid to be persuaded don't just say "don't talk to strangers", "don't accept candy from strangers" you have to also give reasons why. Why shouldn't they? Why shouldn't they trust this person?
Parents will always be fearful of the big bad world out there and kids will always be trustful but you can't watch them 24/7 that won't help and it would just agitate the child and he/she would want to go against what you tell them more.
So what I'm saying is reason with them, explain why its dangerous to trust everyone out there and that you only want them to be safe.
Some of them don't.. I have a few cousins bk in Pak who weren't given much freedom at all and into their late teens and early twenties they were ridiculously naive.. and crazy as it sounds their parents think it's a plus point that they're 'simple'..
It's all about** balance** imo..
Re: Child molestation
Some of them don't.. I have a few cousins bk in Pak who weren't given much freedom at all and into their late teens and early twenties they were ridiculously naive.. and crazy as it sounds their parents think it's a plus point that they're 'simple'..
It's all about** balance** imo..
Of course, everything in moderation. If you restrict them so much its just going to back fire on you. and its never a pretty sight.
Re: Child molestation
I do believe young children should be supervised strictly but once they are **15/16 **you have to learn to let them make mistakes. How else will they learn? I'm doubtful that they will turn all evil villain on you and start smoking, drinking and have sex but we're talking about child molestation and no matter how hard you try to supervise it's never enough if you don't want your kid to be persuaded don't just say "don't talk to strangers", "don't accept candy from strangers" you have to also give reasons why. Why shouldn't they? Why shouldn't they trust this person?
Parents will always be fearful of the big bad world out there and kids will always be trustful but you can't watch them 24/7 that won't help and it would just agitate the child and he/she would want to go against what you tell them more.
So what I'm saying is reason with them, explain why its dangerous to trust everyone out there and that you only want them to be safe.
i think the topis is about younger children and not 15 - 16 year olds who can clearly understand that this kind of behaviour is wrong.
I know of a girl aged between 5 and 6 who was molested by her own mamoon, why wouldn't I fear for my kids then.
I trust my brother and my brother in laws, my sisters and my parents but I will definitely be careful and not leave the kids ever completely alone with rest of the uncles and aunties.
Re: Child molestation
For kids that are 15+, IMO they are still kids.
Many fall victims to child molestation because of low self esteem or pre-mature thoughts about sexuality. Molesters prey on the weak and they know exactly what to say and what not say to exploit children and teens.
There is one thing to hover over your child at all times but personally having expedience this, I would advise all parents to keep a close eye even if your child is 20.
It doesn't make you a control freak, or a weird parent if you need to know where and with who your child is with all times.
Re: Child molestation
Is it practical though, to know the whereabouts of your child at all times? Im talking aged 9 and onward, when kids tend to just go with the flow in their free time esp. out doors..i.e. going from one activity/group of friends to another spontaneously? and they are not always in sight or nearby.