^ AHHH EXACTLY! I don't know if I should tell my mom, I'm not that close to her to share something like this, its so uncomfortable. Plus he's a relative so I don't know how things will be afterwards with them, they aren't too well to start off with. It's wierd but that relative of mine is always in my business and puts me down a lot but for some odd reason I don't attack him back while I do that with everyone else.
I don't know which mom wouldn't support her daughter when it comes to all of this. My family is very conservative when it comes to talking about sex, dealing with molestation. We never talk about anything that is related to any of this. But trust me, even when you think your mom wouldn't be as supportive, I promise you she will support you. My sister and I wouldn't ever talk to our mom about all of this but after we did manage to tell her, there is soooooooooooooo much more we talk about with our mom. The thing is, I knew my mom probably can't do much about that guy but it meant so much to us to be able to share it with someone. We were kids and probably didn't understand anything beyond that guy's odd behavior. My mom on the other hand sat and recalled all the incidents that indicated that this guy is a monster. Before us telling her she probably wouldn't have ever thought about this extremely religious guy into all of this. You need to speak to your mom!
Regarding what Kakee said, I've been in situation where I was left alone with people my parents shouldn't have trusted. But growing up, I know my parents didn't really think what these monsters are capable of doing. I don't feel anything really happend to be because of the result of these odd situations because I was able to speak up and tell my parents about all of this.. my mom specially. I am much much stronger person and I always tell my husband how its our responsibility to make sure that our kids are never put in these situations. I don't feel ashamed. I think the people who do this to kids should be the one feeling ashamed. If I was to ever see these people again, I would be love to confront them and tell them infront of everyone what they did was wrong. Anything that had happened in the past that you had no control over, don't let it hurt you. Talk to someone about it and stop feeling ashamed. It wasn't your fault.
Parents need to learn NOT TO TRUST everyone with their kids and unfortunately that even includes chacha, chahi, mamu, mami, khala and khaloo, cousin and what not. I know, I know for some this is a sweeping statement but I'd follow this instead of my child going through the worst experience.
In our case, when it comes to kids, we don't trust the relationships, we trust on individuals.
Parents need to learn NOT TO TRUST everyone with their kids and unfortunately that even includes chacha, chahi, mamu, mami, khala and khaloo, cousin and what not. I know, I know for some this is a sweeping statement but I'd follow this instead of my child going through the worst experience.
In our case, when it comes to kids, we don't trust the relationships, we trust on individuals.
I agree. I wouldn't trust anyone actually. If me or my husband aren't there with our son, then he isn't allowed to go anywhere.
By the way, I do want to highlight that point. A lot of people are super-protective of their daughters, but not of their sons. Boys are OFTEN victims of (sexual) abuse. Please be vigilant.
Also, my daughter is only alone with her parents or grandparents. I trust my parents and his parents, but if there was EVER any cause for suspicion, I wouldn't rule them out. It's horrible to think about this stuff, but it's just how we have to approach parenthood.
Well let me admit, I did not have this strict view about the issue but my wife is pretty rigid about this and she educated me on this and now I totally share her views.
and yes, you have to be as protective for your son as u r for your daughter.
Parents need to learn NOT TO TRUST everyone with their kids and unfortunately that even includes chacha, chahi, mamu, mami, khala and khaloo, cousin and what not. I know, I know for some this is a sweeping statement but I'd follow this instead of my child going through the worst experience.
In our case, when it comes to kids, we don't trust the relationships, we trust on individuals.
Totally agree.
I know of a case where the girl (aged 18-20) got raped by her uncle (khaloo)
another one where the girl (aged 4-5) was molested by uncle (mamoon)
It may sound bad to not trust your own brothers and sisters but I think it is better to not leave kids alone with any relative unless you completely trust them and also teach your child what is right and wrong
you have to educate your children whether its a girl or a boy. My friend was heavily damaged because of what happened to him. I think its stupid to let your kids running around without supervision no matter if its a family function or at the mall.
It horrifies me to think that somebody could just convince a child to go with them and violate their trust.
My sis works as a nursery nurse and says that its not only men that abuse its women also.... i find this realy hard to understand.... Ustugfarullah how can wome do this also when women also carry a child and give birth to one. I've heard a lot of storys about uncles mainly abusing their neices... it sickens me to the stomach....
What has giving birth to a child relate to molesting one? Why should women made out to be saints just because they're not a man? A woman is more than capable of molesting as well as raping and abusing children.
Well i assume being a mother a women is more attached to a child than a man seeing as she physically carries a child and should knw how precious they are...... saying that there are many horrid people out there both male and female.
60% of incidents reported about child molestation are not with strangers. It's with a child trusts like a teacher, neighbors, relatives, older kids like siblings friends, coaches.
To the OP - tell your parents and avoid any further situation where you would be the molester.
I don't know which mom wouldn't support her daughter when it comes to all of this. My family is very conservative when it comes to talking about sex, dealing with molestation. We never talk about anything that is related to any of this. But trust me, even when you think your mom wouldn't be as supportive, I promise you she will support you. My sister and I wouldn't ever talk to our mom about all of this but after we did manage to tell her, there is soooooooooooooo much more we talk about with our mom. The thing is, I knew my mom probably can't do much about that guy but it meant so much to us to be able to share it with someone. We were kids and probably didn't understand anything beyond that guy's odd behavior. My mom on the other hand sat and recalled all the incidents that indicated that this guy is a monster. Before us telling her she probably wouldn't have ever thought about this extremely religious guy into all of this. You need to speak to your mom!
Its not that she wouldn't support me, but its just that I've never had such frankness with her, It would be extremely awkward and embarrassing. Plus it involves a relative so I'm not sure if it would cause drama or what. And yes, he does come off as religious and is happily married now so I wouldn't want to create a scene of myself and his married life. I am considering talking to a psychologist counselor at college. Maybe they can help in determining if it really was molesting or what?
And you guys are all totally right, don't trust anyone. You never know what people can do to your child, and the consequences are far worse.
well i had this cousuin, he did same thing to me, i was 8 or 9, he was 14 15....touching/forcing himself etc, i didnt realise it was NOT normal....only as i grew older, something snapped. he stopped as soon as i was 13 14....anyway turns out it wasnt a one -off, hes now been caught doing same thing to another cousin, she was also 8 or 9 when it started by now hes was in his late twenties....its now a police case as her parents called the police. however hois parents are defiant he didnt do nothn wrong....he denies it.
but my parents told me not to get involved ie.- say he did same thing with me......
my husband also telln me not to get involved.
i feel bad. but nevethle as pakis go, her parents dropped the case as hes familynd his kids will suffer.
well i had this cousuin, he did same thing to me, i was 8 or 9, he was 14 15....touching/forcing himself etc, i didnt realise it was NOT normal....only as i grew older, something snapped. he stopped as soon as i was 13 14....anyway turns out it wasnt a one -off, hes now been caught doing same thing to another cousin, she was also 8 or 9 when it started by now hes was in his late twenties....its now a police case as her parents called the police. however hois parents are defiant he didnt do nothn wrong....he denies it.
but my parents told me not to get involved ie.- say he did same thing with me......
my husband also telln me not to get involved.
i feel bad. but nevethle as pakis go, her parents dropped the case as hes familynd his kids will suffer.
