Chalak nund

Lifestyle Relationships
1

My eldest sis in law has some serious problems. She’s always so nice in my face but in front of my husband but when he’s not around she’s always making smart remarks n just mean to me. In every happy moment of my life my wedding my daughters birth, my new house she has always found a way to create drama n get all the attention. When other sisters come to visit me she’s always telling them how im a stranger n not to go over my house … When someone helps me such as washing dishes after a big party i threw or anything she gets really upset. She is now going around telling over family friends how i stole her brother etc etc … I never reacted to any of this but recently I just had enough.. Shes nice to me in front of my husband but behind always this or that… She’s gone to Pakistan as her sisters getting married and I’m going soon… I will forced go live under the same roof as her.. Im just not sure how to act around her? Presently were not on speaking terms as i found out she said some lies about me and my mom and im just ignoring her and i guess she got the point and is doing the same..how shud I act what do I do…she thinks shes the only one that cooks good takes care of the house keeps it tidy and clean and her kids are the only ones that dress nice.. If someone praises ,me shes upset…she also gets jealoused if i go out wid my husband… She made an issue when we went away to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary, grrrrrr

2

Re: Chalak nund

Sounds like she has some attachment issues. Best thing to do is just be polite and ignore any negative remarks, you wont have to stay with her forever. Enjoy your holiday do a fair share of any cooking and cleaning and leave it at that.

3

Re: Chalak nund

Tell your husband .. all about and don't live with her

4

Re: Chalak nund

Do you have other nandain as well? If so, how is your relationship with them? Do you get along well with your MIL/FIL? If your other in-laws have no issues with you and coming over to your home....then it could mean that they don't take her ranting seriously....so try not to let it get to you.

I would suggest that you ignore her and be the bigger person. Be nice and friendly and helpful when you're living under the same roof as your Nand. If you act mean to her...she'll try to use that against you...and in the process you might make your other in-laws upset as well. If she's going to act like a drama queen and act angry and jealous over petty issues...........while you remain calm/mature.......she will be doing her own baizzati. People will notice the faraq between you and her, they're not stupid.

***Now here are some interesting things that YOU said in your post:

"She has always found a way to create drama n get all the attention."

"she thinks shes the only one that cooks good takes care of the house keeps it tidy and clean and her kids are the only ones that dress nice."

^^^ Those comments almost make me wonder if there is some sort of competition between the BOTH of you (and not only with her). Reflect over whether you yourself aren't (consciously or subconsciously) trying to compete for attention/praise, etc.

If she's feeling insecure........try complimenting her on her housekeeping (cooking, cleaning, etc). She might be surprised that you're saying something nice about her. Jab woh tumharay saamnay ho.....do her tareef in front of other people. Maybe when she sees you complimenting her nicely to other people..........she will be surprised..........she might soften up toward you......and she might feel embarrassed about the chalakian she's been doing. For example, if she cooks something good, then compliment her cooking in front of others at the table. Kill her with kindness....as the saying goes. And occasionally....kabhi kabar.......(don't do this all the time).....invite her to join you and your brother at a restaurant....or to watch a movie. MAYBE that might make her realize that you're not trying to steal anything/anyone away from her.

Responding in anger toward her is only going to make things worse. If you confront her and tell her that you know she has been spreading lies about you........she'll deny everything....and then create drama by saying that you are putting false "ilzaam" on her. If you complain about her to your in-laws.....that's not really going to help matters.

5

Re: Chalak nund

Even if she tells her husband what can he do? Tell his sister 'be nice to my wife' thats just going to make things worse, then the sis in law is going to tell people 'she turned my brother against me'. Yes she can tell her husband if she really wants to but she should tell him not to get involved. She does not have to live with her, she is only going on holiday with her when she gets back she will be away from her. Who cares if the sis does not like her, she should pity the sis for being so sad and miserable that she has to spread lies about other people.

6

Re: Chalak nund

Was yours an arranged marriage of your choice? seems as though she wanted her brother to marry someone of HER choice and not of HIS choice or not happy with you full stop. think theres a bit fo jealousy there and as someone already said, serious attachment issues.

speak to your husband and tell him but the problme you have with that is that because she is his sister, it may cause a divide between you all. instead, confront her, and say "Khasma nu khaani keh takleef eh thenu?" or just plain simple "i would like to discuss your or mine relationship". the "khasma nu khaani" bit might aggrivate it even more! lol

7

Re: Chalak nund

LOL :hehe:

8

Re: Chalak nund

hahahhahahahahhahahah :D:D Hehe Hehe

9

Re: Chalak nund

hehehehehe

10

Re: Chalak nund

:omg:

11

Re: Chalak nund

other phrases that could be used are:

Pehn di Taki
Faffe Kutni
Moti Manj
and if she comes out with a ridiculous comment you could say "Eh leh! gai behns paani vich katte samaid"

12

Re: Chalak nund

:omg: lol yehi karo

13

Re: Chalak nund

ok jokes apart here is what i suggest

**1) speak to her directly and calmly as to what exactly the problem is. ask "i have not hurted you so why such behaviour with me". say to her stuff like we are bhabhi and nand but we can be really good friends because i think you are very nice (i know its hard to talk like that when someone has hurted you but woh aqal se kaam nahi le rahi tou tumhe hi yeh step uthana pare ga)

2) if talking to her doesnot help then speak to your saas and susar (depending on how they are with you).

3) finally speak to your husband and explain him the whole situation. the thing is that if you approach your hubby straight away and he tells your nand off then she will be more angry and will think "foran shikyat laga di bhai se"....well its likely that her reaction will be the same even if you do the hubby option in the end but may be is ki noubvat hi na pare.

4) finally if you think telling your hubby/saas/susar wont help then start ignoring her. dont respond, dont talk to her, dont ask her anything...such people are attention seekers she probably does this so that you react and she can get pleasure from it. ignoring will be good (though hard) but she will ask you why are you ignoring me etc and then you can tell her.

do same with her when your hubby is around act normally with her but when he isnot completely ignore her**

goodluck

14

Re: Chalak nund

Speaking directly in my experience never works when you're dealing with these politics-infused relationships. Its like talking to a brick wall and half the time they just deny deny deny.

SO...here is what I suggest:

Douse yourself in some serious brown sugar...arm yourself with the patience of a saint and be a complete laddu! Smile and be happy and smile some more! Jokes aside...do not react to anything she does. She is having issues and every time you indulge in her pettiness...you're telling her you are a part of her little contest. If you're not...stop reacting to her. Compliment her, be nice to her...you're telling her she doesnt bother you in the least.

Good luck!

15

Re: Chalak nund

Do you live with your in laws?

16

Re: Chalak nund

and then put a pataaka in her sutthan because then she will think that your too nice and not capable of doing that!

17

Re: Chalak nund

Doesnt your MIL or FIL say anything to her?

does she always visit her parents?

18

Re: Chalak nund

Question: Do you care?

Observation: It takes two to clap

Solution: It takes one to slap

19

Re: Chalak nund

^
:k:

20

Re: Chalak nund

allyou......your nand is chalak and jealous of you no doubt about it ! But I would sincerely advise you to just ignore her and let her do what she wants. If your husband is not under her influence and your relationship with him is not spoiled by her bad mouthing then let her do it. Just inform your husband that you very well know what is doing around and what kind of things she is saying about you to other people but just for the sake of keeping peace in the house you will not say anything and will just ignore her. Let your husband play a role in this because after all she is his sister and if he tells her to shut up believe me she will shut up. From my personal experience I can tell u that when a husband sides with his wife once and tell his own family to not mistreat her they do listen . Your replying back or making a direct conversation will only make things worse......once your husband will come inthe drama kisi ki himaat nahi hogi koi ghalat baat karnay ki !

One more thing just believe on the fact that people who bad mouth other people esp own family to other people just make themselves dirty. Let her say what she wants to say after sometime people will realise that yehi bolti rehti hai apni bhabi kay baray main iski bhabi nay koi baat nahi ki ajj tak.

Don't let her provoke you. Have patience and just IGNORE her.