Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
you should start watching porn too and have an affair. he'll straighten up.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
Well yes! If I’m not wrong, even Muhammad SAW divorced one of his wives, then why do we make such a big deal out of it? She is UNHAPPY, that’s what actually counts.
Divorce doesn’t mean one will go to hell or something, as our pakistani culture makes it look like 
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
may be he watches porn just for entertainment and what if he watches at others,he is with you.when he looks at other women you should look at other cute guys and if he objects let him know u are not doing anything different from him.
You must talk to him and stop having sex unless he watches porn once a week.:)
I am sorry if I wrote somthing stupid.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
Try doing the same thing. Check out guys when he's with you and make sure to make it REALLY OBVIOUS. That'll straighten him up.
On a serious note, if this really bothers you and you have confronted him about this issue and he's still not doing anything, you have the right to walk away from this relationship.
If you tell everyone, he'll just look for ways to do it in private but that won't change the fact that he still watches it. You need to get to the root of this problem
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
I think this post is really unfair. So instead of acknowleding someone's mistake...you're trying to blame her? Its all her fault?
Maybe you've seen this happen a lot but many people have not. Watching porn IS wrong. VERY VERY wrong. Please don't blame it on hormones and say its all good...he's a guy...he will watch porn. That means - since I am a girl - when I am on my period I should be allowed to throw things at people...I am a woman...all those raging hormones right?
There is a certain way to coduct yourself among society, friends, relationships and even with your spouse. A man who thinks its okay to stare at other women while his wife is right there is either badtameez or stupid. You've got to be either one to do something so foolish. Common sense dictates to at least wait until she cannot catch you. If he isn't even worried about being caught, then we have an issue of respect. He doesn't care if she sees him gawking.
He needs therapy and you two need serious counseling.
Reha, where m i blaming her or saying its all her fault? No. u got it wrong. i just want her to do some reality check and see if its really the porn thing he watches that she likes to take a divorce from him or she just don't want to be with him whatever the reasons are. i just analyzed it from the way she has written about it like already thought about divorce remarrying someone else etc. i mean how can she be sure that the other guy she would marry would be all saint? secondly in her whoel post she is only talking about how she is hurt that he watches it, how she hates it etc but never once she has said that she ever asked her husband WHY he watches it, how can she help him with this, if he is not satisfied enuff with her in bed and how they both can make it a more pleasing experience?
And what is the criteria of establishing that a men is addicted to pron? like how many times should one be watching it to be labelled as addictive. since she has not mentioned that he watches it every day. all i gauged is that she mentioned now he watches it when she is away at her mom's place and m sure that would be like in a month or so.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
^ This.
Please stop talking!!! Before you decide to write creative bull**** on a public forum, please take a moment to think what if this was happening to your sister, daughter, best friend, or worst, yourself. Would you have given the same "advice" then?
"...'just because' he watches porn?" JUST BECAUSE??? Sharam se doob marne ka maqaam hai. Yeh muslim community ka haal hai.
yes i would be be giving da same advice even if it was my own sis or best friend. because in my opinion taking a divorce for the reason that husband watches porn is not valid enough. i would never want my closed ones to break their marriage and go for divorce for a reason like this. i know it is is not allowed in Islam yet there are so many other things not allowed in Islam but we all accept them as a norm and don't go for divorces. doing business on interest is haram in Islam right but i wonder how many of you would give the advise to take a divorce fro ma husband who is involved in interest bearing business?
disrespecting your parents is haram in Islam, would you leave your husband or fight with him if he happens to disrespect his parents?
then who do you people put Islam in blocks, take up a block that pleases you and leave aside the ones that don't.
if she is so much yelling that it is not allowed in Islam, then doesn't the same Islam teaches us to try out every bit to work out our marriages? doesn't it tells us that if a spouse has some negatives try to overlook it and highlight the positives and work together towards resolving the negatives?
why just Talk about divorce and remarrying and stuff without even trying to work it out?
yes Islam allows for a divorce but atleast first do your bit to save your marriage and you would only do that if you love ur spouse genuinely and genuinely wants to save your relationship.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
what i want to know is how come so many women on life1 have such strong well-thought out opinions on porn. is this a common issue that you have encountered in your life?
and gudiaali, are you married? does your hubster watch porn? do you watch porn?
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
what i want to know is how come so many women on life1 have such strong well-thought out opinions on porn. is this a common issue that you have encountered in your life?
and gudiaali, are you married? does your hubster watch porn? do you watch porn?
no i am not married yet but if i get married to a person who happens to watch porn i would not leave him for this reason provided he is a good husband otherwise. i would try to reach to the actual reason as to why he does that and then address that issue accordingly taking him on board.
i would be lying if i say i haven't watched porn ever, i did watch it 4, 5 times till to date.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
yes i would be be giving da same advice even if it was my own sis or best friend. because in my opinion taking a divorce for the reason that husband watches porn is not valid enough. i would never want my closed ones to break their marriage and go for divorce for a reason like this. i know it is is not allowed in Islam yet there are so many other things not allowed in Islam but we all accept them as a norm and don't go for divorces. doing business on interest is haram in Islam right but i wonder how many of you would give the advise to take a divorce fro ma husband who is involved in interest bearing business? disrespecting your parents is haram in Islam, would you leave your husband or fight with him if he happens to disrespect his parents? then who do you people put Islam in blocks, take up a block that pleases you and leave aside the ones that don't. if she is so much yelling that it is not allowed in Islam, then doesn't the same Islam teaches us to try out every bit to work out our marriages? doesn't it tells us that if a spouse has some negatives try to overlook it and highlight the positives and work together towards resolving the negatives? why just Talk about divorce and remarrying and stuff without even trying to work it out? yes Islam allows for a divorce but atleast first do your bit to save your marriage and you would only do that if you love ur spouse genuinely and genuinely wants to save your relationship.
wow. seriously?
You are comparing porn with interest in business? Are you really that naive? Or are you just blabbering because you KNOW you're wrong and can't seem to get along with that? :)
You know what porn is?.. aankhon ka gunah!! Ever heard about taqwah? To learn about self control.
Please don't drag Islam in it because you have clearly lost your argument marbles. Just because someone takes a loan from a bank with interest DOES NOT mean he is allowed to watch sinful graphics because Islam is in blocks jee.. if we leave aside one block, it's just right that we leave aside the whole wall!!!!
Oh and you're not even married! how about you get married to someone who is a porn addict and then come here and tell us how you don't mind when he ignores you for nangi patangi na mehram aurtain and takes pleasure in that? It's easier said than done.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
wow. seriously?
You are comparing porn with interest in business? Are you really that naive? Or are you just blabbering because you KNOW you're wrong and can't seem to get along with that? :)
You know what porn is?.. aankhon ka gunah!! Ever heard about taqwah? To learn about self control.
Please don't drag Islam in it because you have clearly lost your argument marbles. Just because someone takes a loan from a bank with interest DOES NOT mean he is allowed to watch sinful graphics because Islam is in blocks jee.. if we leave aside one block, it's just right that we leave aside the whole wall!!!!
Oh and you're not even married! how about you get married to someone who is a porn addict and then come here and tell us how you don't mind when he ignores you for nangi patangi na mehram aurtain and takes pleasure in that? It's easier said than done.
why shouldn't i be comparing? see that's why i said many of us keep Islam in blocks, things haram in Islam are haram, period. so if you suggesting someone to go for divorce because of an unislamic thing he is involved in, then why do you prefer to stay in marriage with someone involved in another haram thing like interest. Perhaps in Quran interest is mentioned much more times than the mention of Zinna of eyes. yet you trying to imply interest is normal. so then why m i culprit if i say the same thing.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
Who said interest in 'normal'? It is as haram as porn. But the effects of porn are far more worse on a relationship then someone taking money on interest. Please don't compare them because if someones husband is taking loan from a bank, he is not cheating on her. His lustful desires are not taking control. He is not upsetting his wife of 3 years. It's just the way it is, whether you like it not.
You are purposefully trying to compare them to make your argument a valid one because oh what better way to win an argument than bring in Islam when we please.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
why shouldn't i be comparing? see that's why i said many of us keep Islam in blocks, things haram in Islam are haram, period. so if you suggesting someone to go for divorce because of an unislamic thing he is involved in, then why do you prefer to stay in marriage with someone involved in another haram thing like interest. Perhaps in Quran interest is mentioned much more times than the mention of Zinna of eyes. yet you trying to imply interest is normal. so then why m i culprit if i say the same thing.
and not saying he is allowed to watch porn if he is involved in other unIslamic activities. i agree two wrongs cant make one right and i also agree that as Muslims we should strive continuously to be better. but all my point is that most of us do not condemn if husband is involved in other haram things so severely like you are doing in this particular case.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
Who said interest in 'normal'? It is as haram as porn. But the effects of porn are far more worse on a relationship then someone taking money on interest. Please don't compare them because if someones husband is taking loan from a bank, he is not cheating on her. His lustful desires are not taking control. He is not upsetting his wife of 3 years. It's just the way it is, whether you like it not.
You are purposefully trying to compare them to make your argument a valid one because oh what better way to win an argument than bring in Islam when we please.
i didn't bring Islam in it, OP has by saying she tells her husband he should leave because it is unislamic. so i replied on that quoting about islam too.
man taking interest or disrespecting his parents would not upset a wive because she must have accepted it as a norm.
no m not trying to win the argument just stating what i feel, not asking anyone to approve of my thoughts:)
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
Op asked for advice. A one can give it based on their view /life experiences. Lets not fight with others and derail the thread. More than 50% of posts are trying to prove how what other has said is wrong.
Lets mature up and give advice. It's a serious topic.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
gudiaali, what do you think is a valid reason for divorce?
have you read about the first ever khula in Islam? the reason behind it was the lady didn't like the looks of her husband and prophet Muhammad (saw) didn't give her a moral lecture how she should accept her spouse as a part of her fate and how all people are Allah's creations and it's a sin to reject living with someone on that basis. He (saw) just asked about her mehr, told her to surrender that date tree she owned as mehr called her husband and told she's out of the wedlock now. Subhan Allah.
ever heard of Munafiqat?? do you think it is a bigger sin to get a divorce when unhappy in a marriage despite giving all the time and chances to save it or is it even worse spending her life in munafiqat, unhappy and hateful about your partner forever?
Islamic rulings are according to human nature totally. It doesn't insist on anything which is against the natural and normal human instincts. all people have different threshold for bearing things. one issue that is acceptable to you might not be acceptable to many others and vice versa.
so when asked for an advice, we should not try to impose our understanding of the topic to prove others wrong and cannot generalize our concepts either.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
gudiaali, what do you think is a valid reason for divorce?
have you read about the first ever khula in Islam? the reason behind it was the lady didn't like the looks of her husband and prophet Muhammad (saw) didn't give her a moral lecture how she should accept her spouse as a part of her fate and how all people are Allah's creations and it's a sin to reject living with someone on that basis. He (saw) just asked about her mehr, told her to surrender that date tree she owned as mehr called her husband and told she's out of the wedlock now. Subhan Allah.
ever heard of Munafiqat?? do you think it is a bigger sin to get a divorce when unhappy in a marriage despite giving all the time and chances to save it or is it even worse spending her life in munafiqat, unhappy and hateful about your partner forever?
Islamic rulings are according to human nature totally. It doesn't insist on anything which is against the natural and normal human instincts. all people have different threshold for bearing things. one issue that is acceptable to you might not be acceptable to many others and vice versa.
so when asked for an advice, we should not try to impose our understanding of the topic to prove others wrong and cannot generalize our concepts either.
okay, so that was my advice that she should not take this to the extreme level of divorce. just gave my advice. she can get divorce if she is unhappy for what so ever reasons but wouldn't it be wise if she can try and make some effort to turn the unhappy situation into the happy one? you wrote despite giving all the time and chances to save it? i didn't see really what efforts OP has mentioned she has made to sort it out with her husband except for telling him that he should not do it because it is unislamic? i believe a woman, a wife can do more to work it out together with the husband and then see if it still doesn't work then go ahead for a divorce.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
since you are not married yet, all you are saying is mostly theoratical undoubtedly ! do you think she'll put up a reality show here about how she had tried to make all her efforts ?
okay, so that was my advice that she should not take this to the extreme level of divorce. just gave my advice. she can get divorce if she is unhappy for what so ever reasons but wouldn't it be wise if she can try and make some effort to turn the unhappy situation into the happy one? you wrote despite giving all the time and chances to save it? i didn't see really what efforts OP has mentioned she has made to sort it out with her husband except for telling him that he should not do it because it is unislamic? i believe a woman, a wife can do more to work it out together with the husband and then see if it still doesn't work then go ahead for a divorce.
Your weird.
I think after three years of marriage and this issue on the forefront of their marriage, "the why" was probably already covered. You've just focused on one word, "divorce."
Ignorance is bliss, your not even married lol.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
Troll wins.
Re: Caught my Husband Watching Porn For the Past 3 Years
You might think so from a guy's perspective which is his half of the marriage. What about the woman's perspective? Her side of things?
Not every woman is 1000% secure or able to rationalize every thing away. Everyone has their personal issues, battles and insecurities. For a woman, knowing her husband is interested in only her is important...more important than many things. Its not possible for her to feel a-okay (or anyone for that matter) with her husband constantly watching porn.
No, I agree with this completely. She shouldn't ever have to feel comfortable with it at all, not even once. My wife already expressed it to me once in the past that she would hate it if I did that. There is a lot more to a happy marriage than a good sexual relationship but since the issue raised was related most closely to that aspect, that's why I dissected it. I mean I'm sure I can go on writing pages about other more important aspects of marriage, one such example being respecting God so that you respect your spouse, but then we'd go off topic -- and I'm sure you'd have much more to add in as well.