This morning at 6am i woke up to find husband not in bed. went downstairs, he was in the bathroom. Door locked. as its only me and him in the house we dont usually lock the bathroom door. i asked him to open it and he said 2 mins. something didnt feel right.
i broke the lock on the door and walked in to find him snorting cocaine.
he was so sh*tfaced he gave me no answers. iv now come to work and dont have a clue of what to do when i go home. how do i react. my instincts are tellin me to kick him out to teach him a lesson cos i feel this isnt the first time. i dont know wat else he’s been doing behind my back.
i thought i knew him after 10 years but how fooled was i
First thing to do is to offer two rakah salat-ul-hajah and pray to Allah (swt) to help and guide you throughout the time you try to do something about it to the best of your ability.
Shucks that's pretty bad the guy needs serious help. Wether you want to help him or dump him is your choice but he is your Husband and its up to you.
But from what I gather Cocaine and it's various forms are very hard drugs and it is not easy to kick the habbit without serious help.
That said I would be worried about the sort of company he keeps... cocaine is not something you could simply obtain without some sort of extra criminal activity going on somehwere... not that your hubby is a mobster or anything but the fact he has access to coke rings alarm bells. It's just not something you can pick up on the streets easy, unless your from a ghetto.
RedRuby I have read most of your previous threads you seriously need help you inlaws are evil they don't like you because you and your husband had love marriage. You MIL has been doing black magic on you. Now your husband is found red handed doing drugs , I mean you should have some sort of family support. All this can drive anyone insane. Where are your parents ? do they know what is happening in you life ? Thankfully I don't know anyone who has been a victim of drugs all I know is that they need to be send to rehabilitation centre if what u r saying is true then your husband should be helped rather than being left alone or being despised.
Cocaine isn't like heroine. The desire for the high is what is addictive. It's become really popular with 20-30 somethings, many take it like weed now in the UK. Like, show me someone who works in the City and doesn't use coke.
Anyways, I'm not saying it's right but it doesn't necessarily mean he is involved with the wrong sort of people i.e. criminal, de. But it may well be that it's normal within the people he associates with, in which case, he needs new company.
I guess all you can do at this point is talk to him. Try to stay calm. If you freak out, he'll just want to get away from it.
Diamond - i know i am abit of a case arent i. I always thought 'u know what it doesnt matter if his family are like this atleast he's good with me' but to be honest im lost with this. sometimes i feel why did i marry him.
stoppit - his company is bad but also he has that attitude like 'and what'. i have supported this guy thru sooo much. financially, mentally and when my father was killed months back he gave me a shoulder to cry on at first then made me feel like get over it.
my family are already goin thru so much that the last thing i want is to burden them with this. i am strong and want to deal with this the best way but its cutting me up inside that my 'husband' who iv always respected and done eveerything he wanted can deceive me like this. i feel like what if he's up to other things and i dont even know.
If you love him , respect him and cherish him and he reciprocates then treat it as any other sickness or illness or disease he is suffering from and get him into some good rehab program and keep a close tab on his progress.
This is the only option at this time.
He is not abusive , loser or despises you at all . Help him , he will get over it. Lend him a shoulder , he did lend a should to you when you needed it.
He might not be doing anything else behind your back. He feels the need to be high sometime , you need to find out why .
You need decide whether you are going to help him through this or whether this is it.
If you want to help him through this, he first needs to want to stop himself and see a problem with what he is doing. Secondly you need to put your foot down and be firm about things. Make sure that he knows that this is not on and you will not stand by him through this habit. Talk to him about these things and come up with a plan of action. He really needs to change the company he keeps, as long as a stays with them he will always be exposed to these kinds of habits .
If you do not want to stay with him well you know what to do.
You have a daughter too right. Think about the environment you want her to grow up in.
it requires firstly for him to admit that he uses drugs then look for his willingness to go thru the rehabilitation program.** be calm when you talk to him and ask the questions point blank and tell him u need a straightforward and honest answer. do NOT let him sail on two boats and drag on...do NOT let him continue like this...***tell him: you can have your drugs or me...PERIOD!!!*
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Cocaine isn't like heroine. The desire for the high is what is addictive. It's become really popular with 20-30 somethings, many take it like weed now in the UK. Like, show me someone who works in the City and doesn't use coke.
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Fair point but the drug is nowhere near as widespread as Cannabis. It is very popular in Cities like London and Birmingham however the supply chain is not as complicated and is easy to trace up to street level. Trouble starts at the dealers who are actually only foot soldiers of the the big syndicates, but as we know drug dealers operate sophisticated networks and even though they are at the bottom end of the pile they pack a notorius punch.
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Anyways, I'm not saying it's right but it doesn't necessarily mean he is involved with the wrong sort of people i.e. criminal, de. But it may well be that it's normal within the people he associates with, in which case, he needs new company.
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Yeas fair point, however one can still end up in serious trouble if caught in possesion of the substance even if it's in small qauntities an undercover friend of mine was busted even though he carried powdered plaster, the law is the law and it's best to stay clear of drugs that can get you into trouble. Yes this man needs help and improving the company he has is important.
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I guess all you can do at this point is talk to him. Try to stay calm. If you freak out, he'll just want to get away from it.
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Coca can destroy lives. Be careful how you deal with that. This is not like marijuana, hash, alcohol, speed etc.
I have seen people snorting coca when they go to party or when work becomes too much and you can't handle it.
there can't be any other reason. The best thing would be to give him all your attention and prayers. A lot of prayers.
I could tell you stories, but I don't want, because I want to protect the privacy. I don't know how long he is in it,
but after 10-15 years doing this you want to shoot yourself or the whole world.
Best of luck. Try to get him away from this sh't as soon as soon possible, but carefully and with lots of love. You'll do it insha'allah.
coca is nowhere near widespread as marijuana? with all respect, joke of the day.
The elite takes coca, not ganja.
With all respect it is not joke of the day. You will find that In the UK the rates of Cannabis use and it's availability differs in areas, however since 1997 it has been established as a home grown drug.
Figures vary but from 1997 when only 11% of Britians Cannabis was home grown that figure rose to 60% by 2007.
As far as I am aware Cocaine is not yet established in the UK as a homegrown product and it is still nowhere near as widespread, just becuase it's more available then before does not mean it is anywhere near as widespread as you imagine. However globalisation and the surge in demand has led to it's supply bieng increased.
On the streets though I would still say Coacaine is outnumbered by Cannabis and if you look it up you will be able to find all the figures as well. :)
Faris, if you look up the stats cannabis use has been falling in the last couple of years while coke use has been sharply rising. Those that can afford it are doing coke, just kids and middle aged hippies are smoking pot. The latter has seriously gone out of fashion.
Remind yourself when you took a vow that you'd be on his side through thick and thin...
Spouses don't dump each other when they go through a hard time, they fill each others gaps and now you have the opportunity to deal with this from a position of strength.
First forgive him inside of you, keep the main thing the main thing, don't allow further doubts to creep in.
Tell him you want to help him get over this addiction...if it is an addiction, and that you're with him. Once he sees your intentions, he will be relaxed and will eventually share his problems with you.
Hang in there. I know it's easier said than done, but think of how you can positively impact his life. He is your husband.