The chances of above mentioned ladies to get along under one roof is quite unlikely. In fact my new breakup line is ”hey, u will have to live with my mother” and it works like a charm. Only guppans would come forward and say “nhin aisi to koi baat nhin, we get along fine” but let’s not be politically correct..atleast on internet.
So I want to know what role a guy should play when he sees a clash between his sis and wife or mother and wife etc.
a) He should stay out of it and let the cats fight and sort it out
b) He should always take his mother’s side
c) He should always take his sister’s side
d) He should always take his wife’s side
e) All of the above
f) None of the above – Please explain
How about husband listens to each of the complainers and offers his advice/opinion on the matter so that peace can reign in the household. Or sitting them all down and having an open discussion of the complaint, acting as referee. This is a totally western concept I think, desi men typically do not want to get involved in anything they consider "women's issues" but hey, if you want peace in your home, you guys need to make an effort too.
a) is impossible, because they'd drag you into it.
b), c) and d) are not options I'd agree with, because you can not always take the side of a particular person
e) is also impssible, because you can't take multiple sides in a fight
Therefore I'd say it's sort of a combination of b), c) and d) where it depends on the situation which option you'll actually go for.
Waise Alhamdulillah I didn't have to face that decision in my life so far.
fayz are u getting married soon? all these opinion polls :o
My dad tried to explain the whole mil vs dil thing.
Its no ones fault...its just life.
before marriage a guy would expect and depend on his mother for most things. After marriage, he decides its his wifes turn and prefers his wife doing things for him so his mother gets a rest. mother doesnt take too kindly to this, feels she is being pushed out of sons life...son is confused as the whole point of him getting married was to give his mother a rest. daughter in law is also confused as she got married to look after her husband and his family. This is my dad's explanation.
Personally, i would marry the middle son...the love deprived/neglectted one who wont be missed as much as the eldest or youngest sons.
I agree with Mama, Miss_M and her father's analysis of the whole situation. Lots of jealousy ... it's really quite stupid if you think about it but it happens in pretty much all families. Solution, save yourself all the hassle and drama .... don't live together. :)
The correct course of action when the fight happens is to leave your cell phone in your room, then quietly slip out of the house and hang out with the guys until the fight is over.
In the event of a really bad fight, go an an impromtu road trip / fishing trip / unscheduled holiday.
After all, if you ignore a problem long enough it will go away …
1) He married his wife because this is the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with (arranged or not, got it?), his wife will be there LONG after mom and sis are gone. So, any decision about anything should be spoken about with his wife first, then present a united front to family about the decisions they agree on. It is marriage first, then your family. This is what should happen when you marry, your priorities change.
2) Some MIL's seem to think that it is their duty to be hard on the new wife just to make sure she takes care of her baby to their standards. It is not their duty and again, this is something the couple first must talk about and agree on and then confront together.
3) Sisters? What? Who lives with their sisters? Anyway, if so - same things apply as above and quite frankly if the sister is living under a roof with the couple and they are the one's providing her shelter, it is her obligation to be nice.
Anyway - lol, the burden of smoothing things out should be on the couple as a whole, not the wife or the husband individually.
Mama, are we underestimating women's ability to solve their issues like mature adults..without the intervention of a third party?
Umer, I am glad you haven’t had to face this situation so far…are you suggesting your wife and mother know their roles? Are there any roles that women play to avoid conflict...please elaborate.
Mohabaat, no, I’m not getting married :-D are you crazy? Don’t you like me living a peaceful life? I’m not sure if it is the case of competition like who will ‘take care’ of the guy..wouldn’t that make the guy’s life like a prince? I think it has more to do with independence from the Dil side and expectations (care/love) from the Mil side.
Mehnaz, living independently is a good solution to all issues but then again parents raise their kids in the hope that they wouldn’t be neglected in their old age. I know there is always 911 but then aren’t we doing injustice to the word ‘family’. I think women should understand that if a guy can leave his family instantly for a woman then what are the odds that he won’t do the same for another woman. It’s the mindset I’m talking about. An initiative to keep the family together is important whether it happens or not is a different story.
** Gulail** please refer to my reply to mama.
** Maddy ** very funny..enjoy your bachelorhood while it lasts.:-D
Minah_pa I agree when you marry, ‘your’ family comes first you parent family comes second…but there is a balance somewhere there and most women don't understand that. Your second point sounds like an assumption :-p
What about all those guys who are already living independently prior to getting married? Are they expected to move back home once they get married to look after their parents, who in a lot of cases don't really need/want looking after? I'm stepping out of this discussion cause I know where it'll lead. :D
Haha! Chicken! Like I said..it is the initiative and the mindset that counts. Most guys move out and build their own nests eventually anyways.
The guys who are living independently have valid reasons...I'm sure :-)
Sounds like a reasonable approach.
But the middle son is usually the one that works hardest to attain all those things that he has been deprived of…and not from you.
Fayz,
It’s not as clear cut as a poll. If life were that easily defined then we wouldn’t have conflict. Everyone would know what the right thing to do is.
The longer you try to figure out these things, the longer answers will evade you.
Jump in dude, the water is fine!
Fazy he should stick to his beliefs/opinions regardless of what his wife or mother think. Regardless of what side it might be - if it is a side to start with. And women should not make men choose sides in such matters, because its unfair and ridiculous. Sensible women would clear matters up between themselves---if they need the guy to agree with either of them, they should never have started the argument in the first place.
There is always room for disagreement, but it should start with basics - respect - but sometimes people will turn to childish means to get their ways.
Relationships are complicated. But sometimes people dont use the brain God gave to them.
The way I see this whole marriage/relationship/conflict thing is quite basic really. Note I am not married; therefore my opinion is just based on observations.
It’s got nothing to do with expectations, jealousy or what have you. It’s all about roles and accepting this change of role one must and has to play. A woman becomes a wife, man becomes husband, and mother becomes mother in law and so on. It is hard enough trying to adjust to your own new given role let alone recognise anybody else’s role. There’s no point in trying to concoct approaches on how to deal with this as its part of life, people change roles all the time and its difficult to maintain a certain amount of equanimity within your role in the family.
Just make sure you play your role in a sensible fashion and allow yourself to appreciate others roles.
and it works like a charm. Only guppans would come forward and say “nhin aisi to koi baat nhin, we get along fine” but let’s not be politically correct..atleast on internet.
