Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
See that’s the thing though. We praise the women who manage to do alllllll the work, and yet we don’t praise the in-laws who take some time to help out their fellow family members. 
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
Oh I thought the topic was discussion was how Nabila may be abused by her inlaws not the other way around? If we are taking about inlaws as well, then i would use the same technique : Communication.
Effective communication can do wonders. :)
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
So wait a sec…aren’t you the one condemning the in-laws all to hell? If you want to praise the inlaws that help out then encourage those that aren’t, to do so.
I haven’t seen anyone NOT praising in-laws that are caring and considerate. But by the same token, don’t you believe that the women that DO do it all are deserving of the praise dished out to them?
Pick a cause and stick to it PCG, you’re all over the map here.
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
Muzna, please take care to remeber these are internet debates. If it was in my power to find Nabila's family, befriend Nabila and her family, and earn my right to actually say to their faces "hey be nicer to her", I would.
Pick an internet topic, and be realistic about it, Muzna.
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
i believe if nabila is a doctor she should not have any problems articulating what she wants to say and also expressing her wants and desires..surely if she is so fatigued after working for 6 hours (which is amazing as some doctors for many more hours)i think being a doctor she should have no problem articulating what her wants and desires are she should discuss with her in laws and ask them to share some of the housework...my personal belief is that when a girl marries she has to compromise and adapt to the needs of both herself and the family she is marrying in to and i don't think that is abuse at all...c'mon its like saying i go to university study all day and then have to cook for myself poor me i am being abused!
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
If you are being “grounded”, then I’m being realistic PCG.
What does internet have to do with it? I haven’t actually asked you to go and do anything. I’m just asking you to pick a side in the debate and stick to it.
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
I actually have picked a side. Why would you think I haven't picked one side? I'm clearly on Nabila's side.
Samah: I agree, but again, how do we know she hasn't said anything to her in-laws? By the way, I have a different perception of physicians in Pakistan. Some of those people really aren't as strong as you'd think they ought to be.
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
Perhaps I was misled when you stated:
“We praise the women who manage to do alllllll the work, and yet we don’t praise the in-laws who take some time to help out their fellow family members.”
Also when you factor in your perception of physicians in Pakistan, it leads one to question whether or not you ARE on Nabila’s side. Maybe I’m just seeing it that way.
And now, when you say, “how do we know she hasn’t said anything…” it appears that you have assumed she HAS said something since you are so vehement about disregarding the suggestions that Nabila should try communication.
Re: Case of Abuse or Its Just Her Duty?
Yes, I think you're misled about my quote. I don't see how that contradicts me being a Nabila-supporter in this thread.
I'm not disregarding those suggestions. I clearly said that I agree she should do that if she has not already. I'm assuming that's so obvious that she probably already has tried it actually, given the fact that she is a professional. But then that's an assumption, of course. But then I've also admitted that professionals in Pakistan may be unprofessional in their actions, since the professional education in Pakistan is definitely not always the equivalent of what I'm used to seeing. I'm sure there are many female doctors, etc out there that may have studied hard, gotten through their exams, managed to land a job, and then yet still are intimidated at home because they have their personal fears. No one wants to deliberately go and cause a divorce, after all. And with paki families, that's so easy to do. Bahu raises her voice a bit, and she might very well get divorce threats. Anyway, I digress. I admit, we're all assuming too much here, but then that was the point of this thread anyway. To explore all the possibilities right? And to figure out where to draw the line between household duties and abuse.
Going back to the topic, I personally think its household duties if Nabila had responsibilities that everyone agreed on including herself, and if everyone else in the househould had their own responsibilities. Its not fair that she's doing EVERYTHING. Irregardless of whether she has a job or not. And the fact that she's a doctor just emphasizes more on how this case is an abuse case. She's working AND expected to do all the housework - cooking AND cleaning. For herself, her husband AND her in-laws.
If we go by Islamic duties, she's really only required to take care of herself and her husband. And kids if she has them. Nowhere does it say that she must cook and clean for her in-laws as well.
If we go by cultural duties, she's required to do everything. But then, is this a realistic requirement, or are her in-laws demanding to do everything?