hi, i m one of the silent readers on gupshup.. i have no idea why i m sitting down and posting down my problematic, entangled, mishaped story out here though i dont depend on anyone to decide things for me from the very beginning, probably just want to vent it all out. pls be patient as i guess this post is going to be a long one.
i was going out with a guy for almost 2 years. we met through facebook for a friend’s interveiw in his office and then a month later met at a movie theatre where he bought his mamoo and sister and proposed me. we were in touch in that one month over phone and mails as he was outstation. there on we started going out. he was supposed to be engaged to a girl but he refused and told his parents abt me. his dad and my dad lived in the same area as kids back home so we were very happy that eventually we wud end up getting married. though our family status were parellel, for my family we hardly made both ends meet and his family was a different ball game alltogether. but it didnt matter to him nor his mom but his dad was against us as my father doesnt hold a very good repute in the society as he is into drinking and prostitution and doesnt contribute to the family much. we are a family of 6, 2 bro’s and 2 sis with me being the eldest. I started working at the age of 15 due the financial unstability in the family.
Most of my mom’s is based here itself her elder sister, brother and a younger sister. For each and everything my mom runs down to her sisters to take any opionion or decide anything as we used to have alot of fights at our house and all these ppl were always called upon to tame things down, for the kids. I being the eldest was actively involved in everything and always ensured they stayed together as the rest of the kids were too young to go through the parent’s seperation trauma but eventually they broke up came back, khulla, lots and lots of drama. anyway coming back to this alliance, it was just too perfect for our family He met my mom at my annual corporate event. Did all he could for me enduring the way my mom spoke to him the first time. He wept infront of me saying “is this the way she is going to treat her future son-in-law i have no intentions to play games around I sincerely want you to be a part of my life”. My mom portrayed a very rude and proud women. Anyway, all i knew was that i was the apple of his eye.. for 2 years he never let me get into cabs.. he was always there to pick me drop me make him ..have my lunch..do groceries with me when my mom was outstation.. he took care of everything not only that but also my mom’s family. If ever my khala’s or extended family were coming from the UK or states he would personally cook for them whtever they like and attend all their “naaz nakhras”. My mom discussed abt this guy with her elder sister and she was like guys r this and tht he is rich must be playing around with your daughter and all if he’s serious ask him to get a rishta. i told this guy, lets call him “A” everything and he was going for hajj at that time - this was november 2010. I told him your parents need to call my mother else she will get me married off to another guy he somehow managed fought, argued but at the end his mom called my mom. we had recently shifted into the area where he stayed. his mother called and said “bachay toh bachay hain aap aayain ya hum aayain baat toh aik he hai to that my mom replied abhi mein thora busy hoon kitchen ban rha hai hamara inshallah call karoongi aapko” that was dead end she never called cuz her elder sister had filled her ears that they would trouble your daughter since you guys are middle class and the source of income would go and i was 80% taking care of kids school dues, monthly house rent and all that. anyway it all died down with time but “A” and i were keen on what we wanted from our lives. we travelled together to attend my eldest khala’s son’s wedding and he had to attend his cousin’s. i met his mom and she really liked me. i travelled with his family (without his dad accompanying us) and we came back with his younger bro. My khala’s son despite detting married potrayed unsual gestures at the wedding and told me he really liked me and wants us to be together (it was his love marriage) and subside his wedding he wants to “carry” our relationship. I told “A” everything and he din let me stay back in pak and got our tkts done the next day and we came back. Ever since then we always kept fighting. This happened in Feb 2011. I was going through alot as “A” was tormenting me at one end(as he thought i m not trying enough to persuade my mom to call his mom) and at the other end i was facing the politics played amongst mom,her sister and that cousin.
“A” started to think i have got something to do with my cousin that y i keep arguing with him but the fact was i was myself going through **** and mom’s sister din like her daughter - in - law and wanted her son to divorce her and get him married to me. All this was too much to digest and top of that i couldnt take “A” being upset with me i walked over twice to his place on roads cried yelled and threw his pic, and the ring he had gifted him on his face. I know i was wrong then. he took me in his car cried i creid too and told him i just want us to be together but he was in a different frame of mind as some mutual family friend’s were poisoning his mind abt me wanting to marry tht cousin and my mom also wanting the same. When it was not like that. eventually i ended up running over roads the next day too yelling over the phone with him telling him to come see me i m outside his house when he kept begging me i will call you later i m with my mom but i had lost my mind in anger. his mom heard me and him yelling and sent him with his sister to drop me back to my house.
once he did that, we kept texting eachother that night his mom made up her mind that she wont get us married and slapped him. too much drama at their place. his father was in germany. once he came back she told him everything. i had completely crashed by then he still spoke to him once or twice in a week. came to pick me up once too. but he had told me its over btw us and as u know mom was the only one who supported us now what can i do u made my life a misery and urs too she is a cancer patient i have no hold over anything now. i kept telling myself things r sour with time everything would fall in place. Unfortunately it din. He was flying to pak in june 2011 and told me hs goin as his mom is very sick just four days later he got his nikkah done as his mother was in ICU and begged him to do so. Prior his nikkah he din see the girl m sure abt tht cuz his sister used to b a very gud friend of mine and told me “A” is going through **** on BP tablets and colestrol. he came back 2 days after his nikkah when his family stayed back as he was planned to get married in november 2011.
We remained in touch on and off till november. He came back in december and then again texted me. his wife never came to kuwait as we have a ban implied since past 3 years as per kuwait law and it is still active. they have been married almost 8 months now. we never met after march 2011. but recently he did call me to meet, he’s been normal now as i moved out of my family and live seperately since december 2011. i told him tht. i did control myself and din break down but he started crying seeing me after almost an year. we did skype several times since then he told me whtever happened in detail and tht his wife knows just a lill bit abt me. He hasnt been actively involved with his wife as she has never been here and he seldom travels to pak.
I really dont know where this is going to land up nor do i expect anything, I just feel we were made for eachother and he has not been over me as ever since he knew i have moved out he wanted to see if i was okay. know where i m located and i m safe or no. this isnt normal i know but i havent been able to say no to meet him. we met second time too and this time it was with our mutual friends.
he cannot be a father, which only i and his mother know. He has been going through alot too and his wife told her mother tht he hasnt been physical with her how he should have been. Now the thing is spread in the entire susral she is staying with her parents now. I have no idea wht to do and i feel i m playing with fire. Bygones are bygones but somewhere deep down i know he is the man i love and he is not over me.
what should i do ! i know i lost him due to my over possessiveness and uncontrollable anger. But what is going on now. I am not able to get wht is in his mind.
PS :- i know i might have missed on alot of things like y i moved out and all but it was just to keep it as short as i cud 
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