haha no, im not being sarcastic at all. Im pretty damn serious. Come to think of it, you've come so far, why back away now..just for the sake of his 'wife' who doesnt even wanna live with him. Who barely knew him and he was forced to marry her. His mother was in a critical condition and he had to do what he did. But why are YOU giving up on him when you wanted him all along? See how far you've come instead of how far you still have to go!
but in the end its your life and you are better to judge. One does get drained away by all the drama and emotional stress, but if in the end you are with the one you love, its all worth it. 10 years from now if you look back and say, I wish i'd have given it one more shot, one more try.. THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Moonlight: The reason behind him sharing personal details about his marriage with you is irrelevant. As a wife, I know if I found out that my husband was sharing personal details about relationship with ANY other woman (forget that fact that its his ex-gf!), I would an furious and embarrased at the same time. As I said already, can you imagine how you would feel if your husband someday did that? Hence, regardless of what HIS reasons are.....it's upto you to show respect for yourself and another woman's marriage, and put an end to this.
As far as you being independent in all aspects.......once again, as long as you and him continue to be a part of both of your families lives.....this drama will continue (even after you two get married). Both sides of the family members will not forget the past. His current wife was chosen by his mother. I asssure you that she will hold you responsible for breaking up his 1st marriage if he divorces her and marries you. So no matter how independent you think you are.....unless BOTH of you plan on cutting off all ties with both of the families.....don't fool yourself into thinking that you can have a happy marriage with him. The constant bickering among family members (which will cause issues between you and him) will always be there.
Cut off all contact with him. Move on with your life. :)
Moonlight: The reason behind him sharing personal details about his marriage with you is irrelevant. As a wife, I know if I found out that my husband was sharing personal details about relationship with ANY other woman (forget that fact that its his ex-gf!), I would an furious and embarrased at the same time. As I said already, can you imagine how you would feel if your husband someday did that? Hence, regardless of what HIS reasons are.....it's upto you to show respect for yourself and another woman's marriage, and put an end to this.
As far as you being independent in all aspects.......once again, as long as you and him continue to be a part of both of your families lives.....this drama will continue (even after you two get married). Both sides of the family members will not forget the past. His current wife was chosen by his mother. I asssure you that she will hold you responsible for breaking up his 1st marriage if he divorces her and marries you. So no matter how independent you think you are.....unless BOTH of you plan on cutting off all ties with both of the families.....don't fool yourself into thinking that you can have a happy marriage with him. The constant bickering among family members (which will cause issues between you and him) will always be there.
Cut off all contact with him. Move on with your life. :)
Paheli - There are so many things to take into consideration. His mother realises she did a mistake by getting him married. As his wife has being disrespectful in various aspects. She did spoke to me a last night. Saying i wish i cud undo and get the two of you together.. When she had turned against us after our quarrel. According to her, tht quarrel was nothing to wht both of he and his wife are going through also the wife was going out with somebody else and still continues to talk to him. She hasnt given this guy the respect and place she should have. Knowing all this, it complicates all the more for me. She was heart-broken, saying i lost my son in my arrogance had i thought once and not got him married i wud have had a loving bahu and my son with me.
With all said, I lreally adored his family to bits man.. we gelled really well. Mayb they too feel the gaps and cracks now. I m glad they do cuz i went through alot so its a fair deal.
She wants to meet me alone with his father i dont know for what. But i havent said yes to anything as off now.
I also know if 'd marry someone else eventually i wll give in if he loves me endlessly but it maybe a compromise initially but i wouldnt b able to give what i gave to his family. His sister, brother, mom's place and memories are there to stay for good. I dont want to give a new beginning to my life with a compromise but i m trying hard to muster myself and move on.
Its hard for now and whoever turned their back are coming down and apologising.
haha no, im not being sarcastic at all. Im pretty damn serious. Come to think of it, you've come so far, why back away now..just for the sake of his 'wife' who doesnt even wanna live with him. Who barely knew him and he was forced to marry her. His mother was in a critical condition and he had to do what he did. But why are YOU giving up on him when you wanted him all along? See how far you've come instead of how far you still have to go!
but in the end its your life and you are better to judge. One does get drained away by all the drama and emotional stress, but if in the end you are with the one you love, its all worth it. 10 years from now if you look back and say, I wish i'd have given it one more shot, one more try.. THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO?
btw on a lighter note, how old are you guys? :P
hmmm i dont want to be the desperate one. If he thinks he is done a mistake, let him undo it. Well, I m 24 and he is 26.
I feel really bad for his wife. Does a parent's illness/pressure justify toying with another person's life? I don't think so. His wife may not want to live with him now, but divorce is still a greater stigma for women than it is for men in our society. And **IF **she was kept in the dark about his inability to have kids, that is even more messed up. I don't know how you could respect a person/family who would do conceal such information. I don't support the idea of sticking it out in a miserable situation. However screwing with someone else's life on your way to pursuing marriage with the OP......(even though the wife may want out).....I find that disturbing as well....it's like inviting bad karma for new ventures. I could be wrong. Anyhow I hope all parties find some peace/direction.
I feel really bad for his wife. Does a parent's illness/pressure justify toying with another person's life? I don't think so. His wife may not want to live with him now, but divorce is still a greater stigma for women than it is for men in our society. And **IF **she was kept in the dark about his inability to have kids, that is even more messed up. I don't know how you could respect a person/family who would do conceal such information. I don't support the idea of sticking it out in a miserable situation. However screwing with someone else's life on your way to pursuing marriage with the OP......(even though the wife may want out).....I find that disturbing as well....it's like inviting bad karma for new ventures. I could be wrong. Anyhow I hope all parties find some peace/direction.
i totally agree and that is the only reason i dont want to initialise anything at this given stage. either it b him, his mom or dad. I dont want to give any kind of vibes or ideas to their minds that i still accept their son despite all wht has happened.
Marriage is big decision if its made in haste it ends up ruining not only the two involved but also many others. I understand that therefore i m not open for discussions for now. Its his married life i m not one of those low grades who can be called as a women as in an extra marital affair types.
I absolutely believe on karma. If they take try to make it work its good for their families.
Thats all i can say, To a certain extend i too sympathize with his wife but i dont want to ignite things all the more ... Just trying to keep in as much as in the box i can.
Paheli - There are so many things to take into consideration. His mother realises she did a mistake by getting him married. As his wife has being disrespectful in various aspects. She did spoke to me a last night. Saying i wish i cud undo and get the two of you together.. When she had turned against us after our quarrel. According to her, tht quarrel was nothing to wht both of he and his wife are going through also the wife was going out with somebody else and still continues to talk to him. She hasnt given this guy the respect and place she should have. Knowing all this, it complicates all the more for me. She was heart-broken, saying i lost my son in my arrogance had i thought once and not got him married i wud have had a loving bahu and my son with me.
With all said, I lreally adored his family to bits man.. we gelled really well. Mayb they too feel the gaps and cracks now. I m glad they do cuz i went through alot so its a fair deal.
She wants to meet me alone with his father i dont know for what. But i havent said yes to anything as off now.
I also know if 'd marry someone else eventually i wll give in if he loves me endlessly but it maybe a compromise initially but i wouldnt b able to give what i gave to his family. His sister, brother, mom's place and memories are there to stay for good. I dont want to give a new beginning to my life with a compromise but i m trying hard to muster myself and move on.
Its hard for now and whoever turned their back are coming down and apologising.
But look at his wife aswell!
she’s doesnt wanna stay and she’s already involved with someone else too
honestly I feel bad for them. i want them to marry eachother ( MY OPINION:snooty: )
I think OP is confused. Is she ok with never having kids of her own? This isn’t some movie where you’re fine with just living with the person u love. This kind of love will eventually die and other things will become more important.
And I feel BAD for his wife. She was kept in the dark about his condition (at least that’s what I’ve gathered reading her posts) … her hopes and dreams were crushed.
i get wht u r trying to say, wish some decisions wud were as easy as preparing a monthly statics report at work. I guess the understading factor and being able to compromise works above all then loves relates after eventually you get married to a person. She’s still in the dark itself, poor thing hasnt spent time with him either. SHe’s staying with at her maternal’s for now. Anyway I hve decided to make this issue least on priority for now. There are so many better things to do
Couldn't agree with Paheli00 more. He/she put it perfectly.
It definitely is time to move on because there are too many holes in the "potential relationship" the primarily really being the fact that he has a wife now. You need to step inside her shoes and be dedicated to not be the "other woman". Trust me when I say this too, that those who will cheat on their wife with you, will be sure to do the same if you ever got them to marry you. So this guy seems like trouble.
Secondly, there seems to be too many familial issues that you should just not have to deal with. The family battles as well as his impotency.
Next, I don't want to sound mean here, but I really don't think this guy has genuine, sincere love for you anymore. If he could engage in a nikkah ceremony and subsequently get married to a woman that is NOT you, that really tells a lot. If he truly just wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have gone through that. That's what I think anyway.
I believe you are deserving of a kinder man in your life. It will be tough, but do your best to get over him. That may require relinquishing connections and getting rid of his number, information, gifts he has given to you, pictures, and anything else that reminds you of him! You are young and should definitely just start over. give your heart to someone who deserves it. And frankly, a married man is just not one who is worth pursuing.
I wish you all the best. May Allah taala ease your pain. :)
i wish it was easier said than done sweetheart. This is life hun, i dont want my married life to be based on “kisi ki bad duain” i have had fair enough share of up’s and down’s i want to settle down happily. The thing which plays on my mind is, i have given all the love and effection i cud offer to my own family at times it shatter’s me thinking they never want me to get married itself. it serves like a topping over eveything :sigh:
Whtevr happen’s is for a reason.. most of the peeps around have suggested to move on, i m just leeping it low for now. as it is m vry much into my professional life, lets keep it tht way for now
update on this thread.... i moved on completely. Engaged now ! & alhumdulillah very happy !. Thank you everyone for getting me through this. it wasnt easy, but now when i look back...it just wasnt worth it !
