guys it may sound strange but i want to make a confession here .I had a relationship with a guy 8 yrs ago.Destiny didnot let us b together so now im married to someone else and am a mother of 2 kids i still miss him desperately, still nothing in the world has been able to fill up that vacum.Well, people do say that motherhood completes a woman ,im happy with my kids and my husband is a nice man too but still his memories r always lingring in my mind.Now im not saying that i want to abandon my family and run away with him,its just that he is always there in me sometimes i try to visualise him in my husband,sometimes the words float around “agar woh hota to aisa hota agar woh hota to waisa hota”.He s still not married --silmply couldnt get over me either.I simply dont know how to react when common friends discuss him infront of me.What do u suggest people what would u hav done if u were in my shoes,if your advise is to accept gods will yes i have done that but how do i get him out of my soul.
Re: cant forget HIM
i suggest an extra marital affair
Its all in your head.......you can forget him only if you want to
be loyal to your husband, even in thoughts
No use imagining things which were never meant to happen, this only hurts
Re: cant forget HIM
Tiger I have an identical problem. Which is why i cant marry.
Maybe they are right when they say you cant forget your first love.
I love and miss her so much
Re: cant forget HIM
You still love him. Nothing wrong in admitting that just remain practical.
Love doesn't mean that you end up together. We always crave for something that we don't have.
Also, don't underestimate or take for granted the current relationship you have with your Husband and kids.
Re: cant forget HIM
i feel sorry for ur husband. poor guy got a raw deal.
Re: cant forget HIM
I think it's ok to think about it on a rare occasion, the one that got away or how things may have ended up differently. But if this becomes a very constant habbit, it will only lead to a darker place, and nothing good will come of it. Have you thought about how you would feel if this guy did find someone and settled down? Would that shatter you, or would you be ok with it?
Re: cant forget HIM
I thought once someone's married and has kids they forget about their past, no? Aren't people supposed to move on? Why didnt you marry him in the first place?
Re: cant forget HIM
i think you should tell your husband how you feel. :)
jk jk
Re: cant forget HIM
lol
I thought once someone's married and has kids they forget about their past, no? Aren't people supposed to move on? Why didnt you marry him in the first place?
Only if they have treated them fairly.
If you have relationship no matter what the time duration is..you will still remember him/her what you have done to her and stuff like that.
So if you treat the person whom you have relationship unfairly you will not forget him and keep on regretting through your whole life.
Some people are just pros at forgetting after cheating on their boyfriends but than later on, they come to realize that they were wrong and regret it. And I hope they dont forget anything they have done wrong.
I think the fact that he's still single and available that is making it harder to forget him. I think its huge loss that you two couldn't be together, but I also have to give you credit that even though you didn't get him you were able to move on and have a family shoes a lot of effort on your part. I think once and if he settles down it will become easier for you? :)
Re: cant forget HIM
hey tigerlilly...
I think dont beat yourself up about it, you had an amazing connection with someone, its fact and it wont go away but i think its more about accepting whats fact is fact and try and turn it from a painful past into a fond memory.
Im sure you love your husband dearly and im sure you love your children. Thinking about him doesnt make you love them any less.
Try not to compare though because its like comparing oranges to apples they are two different things!
Be strong, pray and slowly things will get better.
good luck!
.
Not that it would make a difference anymore.....but I'm just curious....why did the two of you not end up together? Was it family disapproval?
Also, a possible reason as to why you're thinking of your ex...could be because you feel that something in your relationship with your husband is lacking....that may have been present in the one you have with your ex. If that's the case....then perhaps you should work on developing your relationship with your husband. Or.....it's possible that your feel your husband lacks certain qualities that your ex has. But...nobody is perfect. You only know your ex as a boyfriend...you have no idea what kind of a husband he would turn out to be....he may have been great as a boyfriend but incompatible as a spouse.
You can't compare a marriage (where you live under the same roof with the other person, go through ups and downs, compromises and sacrifices with them, etc)....with a past relationship that lasted for a much shorter time period and did not involve the emotional energy that a marriage requires. They're on two different levels...one is much higher than the other.
I do believe that first love is powerful. But I don't fully agree with the saying that "you can never get past your first love".......cuz that's absolute thinking....and there are exceptions to it. Of course you can't "forget" your first love....unless you have amnesia. If you are able to remember the most trivial of details in your life...then of course you won't be able to forget the events and people that had a greater impact on you. Forgetting is not possible....but moving past something is do-able. It's easier said than done, but with time...as your move forward.....the intensity of the feelings decreases. How much time that takes....varies for each person...and depends upon your attitude and willpower as well.
Try reflecting over reasons that may be making you feel this way. Is it because your marriage is missing something? Is it boredom? You say that mutual friends bring him up.......do these friends know that you STILL have feelings for him? If so....they should not be talking about him....and it's better if you don't discuss him either.....and it can be risky for your marriage. To think about the past once in a while is okay...but to dwell on it consistently....is not healthy. So, try redirecting your thoughts if that's the case. And seek help through prayer.
Re: cant forget HIM
**awww 
You are SOOOO strong!!! I would have just ran away and gotten married:(.
I think you’re on the right path. You will never stop loving him but you will also not betray your husband. There is nothing more then that you can do! One day iA’ you will get a sense of comfort and satisfation from ALLAH for all the sacrifices you have made. I hope that day is soon. **
Re: cant forget HIM
i knew it.. a two line post from RV for such a juicy thread? na aah..
i knew it.. a two line post from RV for such a juicy thread? na aah..
I didn't notice it was a repeat, lol. I cut the previous one down to mere punctuation..just for you, Queer. But the longer post stays to make up for the former's brevity . I just HAVE to burst your your bubble, :p
Re: cant forget HIM
Grass is always greener on the other side.
Perhaps this old love of yours is only fantastic in your imagination .... he may have become mundane and same as your husband had you married him.
we always crave/yearn for what we don't have.
Re: cant forget HIM
do u people call this infidelity i mean im trying my best to b a good wife a good mother but he is always there like a shadow and this makes me feel guilty i think all three of us have suffered in this disaster.
well somebody just said that hes available and single and this thought keeps me hinged onto him---mayb this could b true i hope he gets married either things will get easier this way or its going to b destruction of one more life
Re: cant forget HIM
Tigerlily:
I am new to this web site and noticed your post. I know it is an old post from hmmm I think Kuly of this year maybe??? ANyway, I just wanted to say that I am currently in love with a man from Pakistan. If we had met each nother at any other time in our lives we both woul have belonged to others. However, we have met now and love each other more than either of us thought possible in life. My point being that had I met him or he met me at any other time in our lives I can't tell you what would have happened. In this we are grateful to our ONE and ONLY....I can not imagine what you are going through dear, but I do know that things happen at certain times in our lioves for a reason. I have never been at a point in my life when I so richly deserve the love of this man, and the same goes for him and my love.....I will pray for your wisest decision to be made alaways dear! :)
And someay, inshallah, you shall be together! :)
*Until then, please love your husband with all you have to give! *