Re: Can your in-laws actually be like your real parents?
I agree that all girls should go into marriage treating their in-laws with respect, regardless of how the girls are treated by their in-laws, if for no other reason than the fact that they are our elders. We are bound to help them, but we are not bound to LIVE in the same house as them. Obviously if they are in clear need of physical care then we mut provide it.
You stated in your earlier post that the Quran says we have to live with our in-laws, but it doesn't, and I wanted to correct that misconception. Scholars have ruled consistently that a girl does not have the same responsibility towards her in-laws that she has towards her parents, but common sense would dictate that she respect them and provide whatever level of care that they need.
We need to move beyond this mentality of caring for parents means living in the same home with them. This is not and has never been the case. My situation is different, and I would certainly never turn my in-laws out if they genuinely needed my care, but I will never again live with them full time while they are able bodied. As someone else mentioned you can easily spend time with your parents, and they can see their grandchildren, while living in another house, and even while living in another state.
Islam has outlined a series of rights and obligations that EVERYONE has over one another. /When a girl requests her independence, she is not necessarily being badtameez, she is simply requesting that her husband fulfill the right that Allah (swt) has given her for separate accomodation. This should be discussed BEFORE marriage, before problems arise.