Re: Can you survive Marriage?
Can we please stop making her feel like she’s the culprit here, that she’s being selfish, or picky or ungrateful?
No one here would let their daughter 20 feet near the guys she just described. So the advice of well, take a chance, get married, and you can always get divorced later…PLEASE. Those of you giving that advice, are married to nice successful people, to people you had SECURITY knowing you wouldn’t divorce later, so why give another girl any different advice? You get to marry someone nice, but then sit here and give advice to girls on GS that we’re being ungrateful and should take these sort of offers?
Please be ashamed of yourselves and your armchair advice.
Global lady: To answer your question, no it’s not ok to marry any of the guys you described. They all have one thing in common. They have no character.
I have learned one thing, the hard way. Character does not correlate with education. How good you make yourself look on CV and how charming you can be on an interview correlates with education.
So, having said that. I have found one thing: You cannot go by education status anymore. If you sit there looking for guys educated beyond a bachelors, then you will miss out on great guys.
My dad has a bachelors degree, and as he came over from Pakistan and was hard working, he missed out on a graduate level of education, otherwise he would have done law. He was too stressed with the pressure his parents were putting on him so he failed his CPA exam, which is something he had the courage to admit to me after all these years when I failed sorely at something in my life.
And he’s the best guy I know - and I don’t say that as his daughter, I say that objectively. He has good morals, he’s normal, he’s moderate, and he takes very good care of his family, and he cleans up well for my mom even at the age of 62, and even now takes her out on dates. He went to a local university in the States for his bachelors degree. He did not get any major degrees, he isn’t a doctor, and not only does he have an office job but he runs stores also - **something girls like us would wrinkle our nose at.
**
Having said that…look for CHARACTER.
That means you might have to change WHERE you look.
-volunteer a lot for desi/pakistani/muslim causes - you’ll find people there that are somewhat more good hearted because if you’re a man in his 20’s / 30’s who volunteers for our community, then chances are you aren’t so superficial…
-keep looking on websites, but try to keep a keen look on their personality - skype early I have learned, and discuss these types of issues with them early on. I always ask about sex and their experience with it, makes you learn a lot about their character - i.e. the idiots will jump on you and want to have sex online, OR they’ll tell you they aren’t virgins and have no problem with it → another red flag, etc.
-do these community meetup’s and social group events - you’ll meet people there
-volunteer / participate in your masjid. Awful at times I know, cuz you’ll get all the taxi drivers, but you will find sincere people there too that aren’t newbie immigrants with not even a high school edu.
and most of all
-consider guys from other communities.
-professional desi meet-ups - the kind you get together and have a board game night or something. Douchebags don’t like that kind of thing.
Our community is very corrupt. Look at how Pakistan is running. Look at how people behave in the states and look how show-baaz everyone is. No one values simplicity, no one values charity, no one values their community, and very few guys participate in it. Dawats are to invade the buffet line and then leave with your buddies to go raid the clubs. Dawats and shaadis are places where you go show off the latest HSY jora you got not to make new connections with people in your community. Dawats and shaadis are places to show off your wealth and your “education”.
So why would you think these “educated” and “wealthy” people would be where you find a good man? These are not good people, these are corrupt people. So stop looking at these venues.
There are WAY more nice desi girls in our community , and the guys are completely out of control. The few that are good, get married very early, and so the smart girls were those who looked very early and found their spouses early like in high school and college. Those of us who kept going for higher studies and put marriage off - many of us are having trouble finding spouses.
I’m here for ya. PM me if you ever want to vent, I’m going through EXACTLY all of this, and so are many girls out there. It’s cuz we have raised our daughters well, and we let the guys run around, kyun ke aakhir “they’re larkay naa”.
I swear I hope I have like 5 sons, and I’m gonna beat them into shape as they grow up, so I can GIVE THE DESI WORLD CHARITY BY PROVIDING 5 NORMAL MEN.
