I ask this question because some family assume that my husband and I are ‘delaying’ our family via family planning because we are not ‘ready or prepared’ for parenthood. Beats me to why they assume this, when we’ve never said anything that would fuel this statement-the way we see it is it is up to Allah when we do become parents.
I try not to talk to these relatives too much as to be honest they don’t know how and why we do not have children yet (I don’t see it as their business yet they do go figure!). But moving swiftly on…
…can a couple really prepare for parenthood or is it a case of first time round is full of ‘trial and error’? Surely there is only so many books and websites you can flick through looking for info?
Has anyone on here recently become a parent? How did you prepare?
Some desi families pull together and support a couple with a new baby which is great but how do families (couples) cope when they hardly have any family around to support or guide them?
i think to an extent you can prepare yourself financially and get things in order around your house materially. but mentally? i don't think you can ever be prepared. i'm sure a large part of parenting is trial and error, family support, advice from loved ones, and your own gut feelings and instincts.
i do, however, think that at a certain point you can feel "ready". several moms i've spoken to have just sort of had this very certain and right feeling about wanting a child at a particular point in their lives. i, myself, had an epiphany of sorts one weekend afternoon and came to the realization that i really wanted a baby and that i could deal with everything that comes with that. call it divine intervention, if you will. i certainly look at it that way- i had been praying a lot and wasn't really certain what the right path was for me and my husband, and after that very bright and clear feeling, i realized what i had to do.
as for how do you cope with no family? well, do you have close friends? not to get all Disney here, but family are people who love you and care about you and vice versa, and not just people you're related to by blood. if you have close friends to support you, you'll do just fine.
when you're "ready" too, i think you go from thinking that "Allah will bless us with a child when we are meant to have one", to "We're going to do everything we can to make sure we end up with child". i think that God helps those who help themselves to an extent, and i don't know if you can wait around indefinitely for a child to appear in your lives without doing anything about it. i think when you feel "ready" to have a baby, you do whatever you can to have one. and then if you do get pregnant, then it's because it is God's will. and if it doesn't happen then, that is part of your fate too.
Well I don't think you ever know when the best time is, so you are best just to have a child and then you will deal with it.
Sorry if this is direct but when me and my husband bought our first house and we both worked full time I knew a lot of people that were rying for babies but they couldn't conceive, and we had bills and huge mortgage up to the size of our necks, but I didn't want to knock back the one thing that is free and precious in life and the older you get the chance of conceiving decreases.
I was scared but I had faith in Allah and I thought if god blesses us with a child then he will show us how to cope.
And now 4 years on we are having our 2nd child. I think I should have left a 2 or 3 year gap but time has just flew.
Everyone becomes a parent for the first time, don't bother reading books.
All a child needs is LOVE, MILK, NAPPIES. They sleep and have tantrums etc etc
Good luck. I hope you decide to go for a child. No need to discuss with family members, get preg look after yourself for 3 months don't ell anyone except for 1 close best friend, then surprise everyone after 3 months when the likelihood of miscarriage has dramatically decreased.
while one can prepare mind and some other essential stuff for a baby, nothing else you would require as you will learn :)
to me there are two ways for working couples, either they delay to have families and first establish themselves well have career break have kids and raise them few years and then back to career or not ,
or they go for family first and then wife can go for career after few years after having family. it may be struggle for some but then you dotn hve to take break in the career and focus more on it later.
we gone for the second approach. while i kept working, my wife still have to start post marriage first job, so she is at home with kids stuff and preparing for other stuff like getting driving license, passing her medical licensing exams etc. by the time kids are near to pre school age, she will be able to get back to her career.
I try not to talk to these relatives too much as to be honest they don't know how and why we do not have children yet (I don't see it as their business yet they do go figure!).
In life we all learn some. I learned that when relatives ask - it's not because they want to get into your business - but they ask just to generate conversation.... since most of the time there is nothing to talk about when it's a generation gap.
So just be friendly. They do not by any mean are waiting to find out that you have any medical issues. They just ask you because they want to talk to you.