I’d like feedback from a rishta breakdown that occurred to me a while ago I still have issues getting over. I am not sure what I did wrong in this relationship or why this girl who claimed to love me left me for another. Especially since the guy whose rishta
she left me for dd not match what she wanted in a husband.
**Summary so you don’t have to read whole thing. female friend was in rishta with this guy she didn’t like in beginning. He used to flirt with other girls, say bad things to her, they used to fight and argue over things. He was rich and herr parents liked him. He left her and she came to me, we got close, I was always there for her and her family. We told parents they made our rishta final. She said she loved me, I got her gifts, spent time with her when she was going through tough time with family. Then one day I found out she was also seeing the ex rishta. She told me she wanted to marry him even though he had reputation to flirt, did not want her to work but she wanted to and other issues. In end I told parents I wasn’t ready for marriage and rishta broke up because she didn’t want blame. My question is why would she leave me for someone like him? He didn’t respect her or her future dreams. If she had to leave me couldn’t she find someone better? What did I do wrong? Should I change? How do I get over this?
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This girl was a good friend of mine. We were family friends for a long time and I had always been there for her. When she wanted help with homework I would help her, if she needed printing for assignments i would travel far if my printer did not work, I would chat with her online when she was going through family issues, even dropping her at hospital and staying with her till late when her grandmother was ill.
Her parents did not think I was that worthy but her grandmother liked me. Her parents found her with this good looking guy with good job and family that her parents arranged. She told me she wasnt happy and her parents were pressuring her. Her parents were very happy but he was not faithful to her flirting with other girls, sometimes he was verbally abusive and I would say chauvinistic in his attitudes. He did not want her to work after marriage. So they had a disagreement and he flirted with this other girl. The rishta broke up. She came to me. I comforted her, we became closer friends and over some time I felt I was in love with her and she was with me. We told our parents who fixed the rishta. She told me she was in love with me and said I was the only one she loved in that way. I bought her gifts, flowers on special days, cooked for her and her family when they visited, she came to visit me whenever she wanted to chat and felt lonely.
Her parents had accepted but they werent that happy as i was not as successful. Then during engagement period but before marriage I found out she was still seeing her ex rishta. I confronted her and she told me she wanted to marry him, she could only be happy with him and her parents approved more than with our rishta. Obviously I was devastated. I was the only guy she had really been with. In the end I couldn’t stop them but because I loved her a lot I took blame and said I wasn’t ready for marriage so the rishta broke. She apologised to me but I knew I was just rebound rishta for her and she never loved me that way. It was all about physical affection. She is married now, also very religious and conservative, she doesn’t work and I am sure she looks down on me. He is very rich so he can give her all material comforts i could not. We never argued. She always used to talk about how she wanted to work and her ambitions. Now she does not even work.
I had known her for a long time and she always wanted someone who was caring, understanding, someone who would respect her freedom, Not abusive in any way, someone who would let her work and reach her ambitions. She said I met all those then how could she marry someone who she had fights with, who was known to not be faithful, who restricts her freedoms and someone who broke up a rishta before.
she is not meant to be a representative example and she may have changed as a person, become more conservative and realised we’re not compatible, maybe it was pressure and maybe she is not happy. Maybe she is happy but we had a rishta and she left me for someone who disrespects her. At least she could have found someone better if she had to leave. Why him?
What do you guys think? Where did I go wrong? Or was this never a two sided rishta? I feel like I was used as time pass but I’d like to think that I meant something to her.