All of us think differently, but still, if we come from similar cultural backgrounds we have somewhat similar values atleast. For example, a Pakistani will always understand the importance of taking care of her or his elders but an American sincerely believes that there’s nothing wrong with keeping their elders in an old home…Both think they are correct.
A person who comes from a family where women don’t work and normally remain within the house, if marries a woman who works, will all his life resent the fact that his wife has at some point in her life gone out of the house and worked? If a person comes from a family where woman usually wear burqah when they go out, he will always have resentment, some sort of instinctive disrespect, for a woman who didn’t wear burqah? If the women in a person’s family never talk to gher mard, then even his wife is talking professionally to her colleagues, he will feel bad?
Sure, the woman can adapt after marriage and change her ways, but her inbred thinking and her ways since childhood which is a result of her family background, upbringing and life experiences can’t change…? or can it?
Isn’t this human nature, aren’t our values very deep rooted, even if we convince ourselves logically about things? That is why many families insist on marrying within the same zaat even.
Sure, the two people are committed to solving their problems amicably, but still no relationship is smooth all the time, and isn’t cultural difference an added overhead and will create a lot of hurdles in day to day life?
But then again, which two families have the same environment? Every household has a different environment, even two brothers or sister who are married with families can have totally different environments in their homes.
Anybody in this situation or has comments? Care to share? Thanks.
Yes they can. It depends on how willing the person is to experiment within their comfort zone with new experiences. And also it depends on the time you give the person. Just look at your own parents and I am sure you will see how much change has occured over your lifetime in their understanding and acceptance levels.
My husband and I share a wonderful relationship. He is from Pak and i am, a "gorah".
Yes, there are many cultural differences to get used to for both of us but none have been a problem - its a matter of maturity and willingness to understand.
As far as working, I had a career for a number of years on Wall st and we're both very glad of it. I understand exactly what my husband goes thru each day and what he needs to do - many wives who havent had this experience tend to complain - why do you work so many hours, your work is more important than me etc etc.
I have no problem with manner of dress - i am a modest person to begin with. I do like the culture of Pak where the family is of utmost importance.
The only issues that have arisen have to do with people from over there thinking that the same rules apply here. First, our house has one bath. Over there, each bedroom has its own bath. Not a big deal really but we once had 3 young men who we never met come over and spend a week. Talk about uncomfortable. They were friends of my husband's brother over here on holiday. I just dont understand how people over there can take so much time off. And I would never impose myself on strangers - even of they were aquaintances of someone in my family. I wouldnt even impose myself on family for more than a week. Its draining to have guests when you have to live the lifestyle of the US of a. Then there's Grandpa who comes over for weeks at a time. Needs 3 meals and 2 snacks a day and dinner at 10 pm. With 3 babies, that just isnt do-able for me. But if I don't, grandpa and the family over there will think I'm inhospitable. We have no servants here. And the shopping well I dont even want to talk about that. Have to take houseguests shopping while I think about my boys college fund going down the drain. Not to mention that my 3 boys arent thrilled about spending hours in k-mart.
surely they can, but certainly there r more chances of confortation since both belong to different cultures and have different aproaches.
to cope this in the begining of their partnership one of them must remain calm n try to work out things peacefully
It's not a question with a
unanimous universal answer. It varies with
individuals. I'm from Central Asian + Persian
background. My wife is Pakistani. If looked at from a
cultural point of view the difference was just
tremendous, not so much for me as for my wife
She made a great sacrifice of her time and effort
by learning the languages I and my family spoke,
and I feel that she deserved equally as much from me
and therefore I learnt her language. As hard as it was,
it has been very rewarding. And although religion
is the same, we both came half way on breaching
cultural difference when we learnt each other's
language. With our particular situation it would
have worked out even without that so this step
is upping the relationship really, like an added
bonus.
Irem , aik to tum aik hi post main sawal bhat poocht ho :(
But yeah, as hmcq said above , this is possible depending on how much a person is willing to sacrifice/change/adapt for the other person. But still, the values instilled in us from childhood stay that way and no mater how much we do change on the outside, some things cannot be changed at all.
Is this making sense at all?
Re: Can two people from different cultural backgrounds develop a good understanding?
You are very much right. It will be hard for the girl to adapt to the new culture or new ways of life. What she might think is not a big deal might be a very serious matter for the new family that she is in after marraige.
So would you plz talk to my Mom and family and somehow make them understand this point.
When I try to tell them the same thing, Meri baat tau unke pallay paRti hi nahiN.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by shahreen: *
Yes they can.
[/QUOTE]
pa khabara zan poe ka, :( they can kho teek da kho it would be harder for them kana. Aur da haghai da understanding joRaido chances ba comparatively lag vi.
ofcourse it can work, as long as both of them are comfortable with each other's culture, religion and have a good understanding where the other person is coming from :-)
marriage is 2nd name of compromise for the person you love while not losing your own identity.
The culture and family background do make alot of difference and make it hard but then nothing is imposible
The problem in any marriage start when one of the partners start to expect alot form the other i.e to compromise and change, while not changing themself at all.
which is totally unfair in a relationship
Me from pak and my mrs ( mrs kewls) from vietnam. alot of cultural differences. ( even her family used to think that i was a terrorist ). any way thats not the case now.
