I know that it's an age-old, classic debate for which you can find scores of Youtube videos and articles. But what is your personal opinion on the matter?
Would you be okay be with your husband/wife having close friends of the opposite gender?
Are you the kind who believes your spouse's fidelity is best measured by watching them like a hawk.......OR...........are you the kind who believes that it's measured by giving them space/freedom and letting them prove their loyalty through the choices they make?
Yes, it’s possible but difficult, somebody ends up catching feelings. I have a few female friends, I only liked one of them that way while a couple liked me and I had no idea. So it is possible but it’s hard to tell if both sides feel the same way, there will always be some sexual tension. Even if you’re just friends with the opposite gender, other people especially other brown people will keep asking you if y’all like each other that way or will spread rumors that yall are dating. I know cause it’s very common in the brown community.
Yes, they can always be friends. Mature people usually find it easier to remain friends as they’re not swept away by infatuations and teen impulses.
Yes I would be okay with it. Not just saying it for the fear of coming across as shallow minded. My rule is: Invite that “friend” to a dinner or take me with you for dinner at her place. The friend and I deserve to be introduced to one another. Same deal for me in case of my male friends.
Have all the space you need. As long as your actions/behavior are in alignment with your character i.e not suspicious. If something is bothering me, I’ll confront him first. If he denies it, I give him benefit of the doubt. Same concern the 2nd time around, I will do my research before I confront him over the same thing. By research I mean a bit of spying. You knew I’m cynical and you married me. Case suspended.
I guess many retreat to hovering over their spouse’s personal bubble and privacy AFTER having given too much freedom that resulted in misuse. In other words, most important things in life are earned, such as respect, love and freedom.
You know I did think it was possible but now I am not so sure. I met a guy in university and we just clicked due to some odd reason. His family is racist and he himself makes racist jokes at times but we get along quite well. From the beginning, I knew he only liked white girls and he knew exactly what kind of men I found attractive plus we both care about our respected religion so that added another layer. I was pretty happy because I could talk to him about anything and not care about him taking it the wrong way.
Then he recently made a comment that I was not expecting at all. We just brushed it under the table but ever since then our friendship is not the same. We don’t really talk anymore.
So for a guy who is only attracted to white girls, to start liking a brown girl after being friends for a little while, despite him saying how that would never happen, that casts doubts. I still think it is possible if the interaction is limited and not an everyday thing.
I believe that it’s tricky for men and women to solely friends. Sure, there are exceptions. However, the ‘potential’ for developing feelings is always there and it can rear its head at any time whether it’s mutual or one-sided, whether immediate or many moons later.
I feel that you won’t know if you have someone that’s worth holding onto until you let them go and prove their devotion to you (or otherwise). I believe that exceptions do exist where a more ‘truer’ form of of love can be found between two people. But I don’t attach myself to that view so strongly anymore. Love seems to be overrated (and a joke) in our times. I have often felt that it’s wiser to keep your heart as detached as possible (yes, even in a marriage), to keep your expectations as low as possible, to never make any person (or any worldly thing) the main focus of your existence and one would weather life’s storms better that way. It would be quite a feat to develop and maintain such an internal state. Easier said than done.
Safy and Julia are friends but I think she really likes him, she invites him for picnics, movies, walks. When I told Safy that, he thought I was full of it and then he took her to Nicole’s fire and Nicole and all her friends told him that she is looking for more than friendship. He says she has a boyfriend but she has a history of cheating on boyfriends. Safy says that he does not want to ruin their friendship. He is friends with Nicole also and I wish he marries someone like her, she is co coach at the Kayak club and wants to be a physiotherapist.
My best friend for last 20 yrs has been a female and my wife never objected.
In broad general sense, men and women cannot be friends. However they can team up together for common goals. When I plan picnics/outings with friends, I plan with my guy friends as well as with some women who I know are quite active and drama-free. It?s brief, to the point and out in the open communication.
Unfortunately, there are jealous people who see even that kind of interaction sufficient to spread rumors. Several years ago I had a couple of female coworkers and we would help each other out in projects but never communicated outside of work hours. We were so efficient together that our boss started assigning tasks to us as a group. But some senior guys got triggered by this and started spreading fake news of all sorts.
Times are changing redvelvet. With all that gender confusion and choices, can two women and two men stay JUST friends is a better question?
People from the current generation are more attracted to their own reflection. So friendship is something they dont think of very often. The filters dont let them.
similar situation! completely platonic friends with a pakistani guy for a few years and we were pretty close. i was never really attracted to him that way and he only liked white girls and was always openly mocking paki girls which i didn’t really find offensive. we used to banter about it all the time, and i’d diss him back for leaving his roots etc. he had a white girlfriend, she knew about our friendship and things were pretty chill. then randomly (or after a social gathering) he made some comments which were a bit suspect. he made them again a few times over the following months. i thought to myself that his girlfriend would definitely not be happy about these comments, and so i just distanced myself. awks.
i do think men and women being “just” friends is tricky. not impossible but definitely tricky to maintain a platonic relationship on both ends.
But the answer is Yes to the question in subject. Answer to the second question is Yes as well.
