can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

[Midnight_express_91]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

All the advice i could give you has already been said. I pray that you get through this. You seem like a level headed girl who knows what she wants in life

Hard to believe that people in this day and age still have a tribal mentality. But what can you do. Its a generational thing. As the generations go on and on this will disapear inshallah

[Peony]

@coffeegirl:9503098

It did establish that she was willing to listen to the Islamic point of view

Nevertheless, I shall be having another talk with her as today I kind of got angry and may have said hurtful things to my mum so I will attempt to talk to her again but just regarding the marriage issue rather than all the other issues in our lives because my poor mum just looked worried and I do not want to increase the load of worry on her.

Alhamdulillah, your Mum is open to hear the islamic perspective.

You and she are in a tough spot but keep reminding yourself that you are on the same team and that she wants what is best for you even if she may disagree with the process.

Continue asking God for help. Your Father allowing you to go outside alone is a blessing from Allah.

Things will get better. You will receive help and money from unexpected sources. Insh’allah

[Sara516]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

@Peony

Here in the States, it is fairly easy to get an entry level job even without a university education. For example, many companies need administrative help and hire people through temp agencies.

If you know how to speak proper english, can type at a good pace without mistakes, read/write, and have basic analytical skills, you should apply at the temp agency.

Have you tried to get an entry level admin job in the past 5 years?

[coffeegirl]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

@Sara516

Have you tried to get an entry level admin job in the past 5 years?

I have been looking for a job for the past year and a half. I live in the UK as apposed to the US so that may be why?

[Sara516]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

@coffeegirl

I have been looking for a job for the past year and a half. I live in the UK as apposed to the US so that may be why?

No I was asking Peony who said it's very easy to get an admin office job with barely a HS diploma....it may have been the case years ago or even in some small parts of the country, but on the whole, it's hardly that easy anymore.

[Peony]

Sara516,

You are very abrasive, when you don't agree with something said. Your tactics serve no one. You don't need to respond and derail this thread. I have no intention of responding to things that are besides the topic.

[Sara516]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

I was simply asking you a question, im sorry you took it as being abrasive.

[neeno18]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

@coffeegirl

Jk

At the moment, with my father's blessings...I am volunteering at my local Citizens Advice full time just so that I have more experience on my hands so I am at the moment being able to step out of the house myself :)

Oh that's great mashallah! Yes I'm sure getting an admin position must be tough and so competitive. But at least you are volunteering :)

Can someone weigh in here about Paid focus groups & if that could help Coffeegirl out about ways to earn cash (specially given the sensitive situation) ? :/

[Peony]

Coffeegirl,
Don't know where in Uk, you are but I keep in touch with an aunty and uncle who rent rooms in their house in the suburbs of London to support themselves. Know that if you are in an absolute jam, there are many guppies who can help you find a place to hang your hat, do everything you can to help yourself. Allah opens up doors to those who have faith in Him and try to help themselves.

[Princess1983]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

Just thought OP, you are currently studying right? Can the institute you study with not offer student accomodation?

[coffeegirl]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

Just thought OP, you are currently studying right? Can the institute you study with not offer student accomodation?

I study with the OU which is a distance learning university called Open University.

[sweefs]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

do you think you'll be able to get through to your mum? although, not to rain on your parade perhaps the relationship between your parents will mean that your dad will disregard what your mum says. but i suppose it's just good to know you have some support.. maybe it will encourage you to speak up and get some help.

[Princess1983]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

I study with the OU which is a distance learning university called Open University.

Pants! CG I was hoping you were doing a distant learning course with another institute as they may have been able to help out with possible accomodation issues. But no worries.

If you do need to consider a temp move from the family home should things become too hard to bare I think you should contact your local Mosque and ask to speak to the sisters who run the sisters side of things. Actually my advice would be to speak to them before any further developments. It's always worth having a back up plan in case things don't fall into plan straight away.

[Princess1983]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

@Sara516

No I was asking Peony who said it's very easy to get an admin office job with barely a HS diploma....it may have been the case years ago or even in some small parts of the country, but on the whole, it's hardly that easy anymore.

It's the same here in the UK-I'm sure OP gets that because she has applied for jobs etc and is unfortunately feeling the recession and lack of jobs about in general.

[aramis]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

Um...did u ask ALlah for help... do u do namaz??? Ask Him ..he answers .. do istikhara...

[Princess1983]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

Aramis, you will find the answer to your questions in previous posts by OP!

[Peony]

@Princess1983:9507346

If you do need to consider a temp move from the family home should things become too hard to bare I think you should contact your local Mosque and ask to speak to the sisters who run the sisters side of things.** Actually my advice would be to speak to them before any further developments. It’s always worth having a back up plan in case things don’t fall into plan straight away.**

I agree. Always have a back up plan. People you trust should know about your situation.

[coffeegirl]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

Hello everyone,

Just thought I would do an update of the thread. Fortunately I heard my parents talking about something that was happening within the family regarding someone's marriage.

Turns out it was my dad's sisters son who had gotten engaged to another cousin within the family. Both my parents are very upset that the sister betrayed my dad as they considered him to be the best match for me and now there is not anyone else really good left for me to get hitched to.

I see this entire incident as Allah sending his blessings down on me and without me having to do anything, he has sorted it all out.

I also heard my parents say that their own parents/grandparents never went outside the family and so they can't see themselves do it, but judging their tone of voice...they were not at all sure and could probably be persuaded.

None of this was mentioned to me, I just happened to over hear it.
I also heard my parents say that 'wherever her naseeb is, it will happen' ...Now in my opinion, everything would have been much easier if liked someone but living in my town and anywhere...there really is no one I like.
I have a feeling that my parents may be open to proposals coming from the UK of good families.

But then again, their mood changes as quickly as the weather so have no idea where I stand.

[Gossip_Girl]

Re: can I have some advice from people who may be known to this problem?

Glad to know that...atleast ur safe for now :D Cheers!

[japanchutney]

Re: dad wants me to marry a cousin in pakistan

Please please pleaseeeeeeeee listen to the advice here that is solid - like mine. I also live in the UK and I have seen this MANYYYY times before. WHATEVER you do don't go Pakistan with your parents in this way - Pakistan is beautiful, great etc etc but in this situation - DON't do it. You will go there and you won't come back OR you will go there and be forced to marry any random and come back. THat house your dads building - no way your gonna get it. You NEED to tell someone - authority, friend, someone who can help you leave this situation - literally. Do your school, get a job and get married when you want to. Your dad is not following islam at all, he is acting like a backwards typical paki (sorry) and your mum is scared of him so she doesnt say anything. You HAVE to resist this or you will regret it and end up living a life that isnt yours. Most probably with a husband just like your dad.