If you really cannot live with it, then I suggest that you carry on looking. There are definitely girls out there who haven’t had pre-marital relationships. I, for one haven’t either, Alhamdulillah and I know a bunch of other girls who haven’t. You just need to find someone on the same wavelength as you - there are people who don’t believe in those relationships, and there are people who are fine with it. - Whatever floats your boat.
Also, you may want to reconsider the method you’re using to find a potential rishta.
Btw, what if the girl revealed she had a pre-marital relationship post-marriage? What would you do?
Jazak Allah for the reply. I spoke to the girls with their walis their but they couldnt hear our convo. And if I find out post marriage, I would probably get divorced.
Wow, speaking of pleasing Allah, this act definitely will do the job! I thought Islam encourages covering each others’ flaws and finding it in your heart to forgive what bothers you about the other person? Maybe not!
I can only imagine what you would do with a girl who has previously been divorced, with or without rukhsati, and whether that was her fault or not.
Well OP sorry but here you are going to be labelled as “Judgmental” and a chauvinist pig for [FONT=arial, sans-serif]wanting a girl who has not been around the block. And its true, it is becoming more and more rare to find girls for whom you will be the first man they have an intimate relationship with after marriage. Girls are shopping around and looking for “Mr. Right” They used to have terms for girls like that back home, but now everyone’s too busy being sensitive and politically correct to not “label” anyone. So be ready to be told that you are the one who is wrong. Ghairat is a concept that you should not have once you are “sensitive” and “enlightened” enough.
you can’t really extrapolate your findings to the whole Pakistani female population after talking to only ***2 ***girls …there are many out there who have not had any previous relationships…
oh btw being in a relationship doesn’t equate to having done the ‘deed’ …just putting that out there =)
Your original post mentions that you’ve only met two girls so far and both had a past. If your rishta search had been more extensive, I’d understand the disappointment. But it’s only been two girls. I doubt you’d marry a “paarsa” girl if you found her incompatible in other ways. We all have our deal-breakers and things we find it hard to get past that would hurt the other person as well. That said, better to marry someone you’re satisfied with. So continue your search, inshaAllah you’ll find her. Your requirement is not an impossible one.
I would like to add though that judgement is complex and better left to Allah because He knows what’s in our hearts, He knows our intentions better, He knows how sincere our own iman is and that of others. One could follow all of Allah’s commands and still might end up in hell for something like pride.
Kisi ko hakeer samajhna or to think of a girl with a past as “one of those girls” or “there’s a word we use for those lot of girls” or to view them with disdain isn’t right. I think the companions of the Prophet SAWS did not have a pristine past, but he didn’t look down on them. It’s not just about following rules, it’s also about attitude and having humility etc. A girl/guy might not have a past but could be arrogant, have a bad temper, have a severe gossiping/backbiting problem, be materialistic. And just one of these “khoobiyan” can destroy your duniya and akhirat as well. I’m not justifying having a past. By all means marry a woman who doesn’t have one, just don’t look down on those that do or think of them as being “inferior” in in character or iman.
I think that’s a bit harsh, but well, that’s just me. Good luck with the search though, I’m sure you’ll find someone who meets some of your criteria, if not all.
As for certain other posters here - lol. Islam teaches us to hide others imperfections. And remember, we all have sins, and those are between our creator and us - who is anyone else to judge? Even if it is an esteemed husband?!
I think divorcing someone over a past relationship is hard hearted.
I think there is such a vast definition to “premarital” relationships.
Yes, for most it can be someone who was in a physical relationship. But it can also include someone who simply had feelings for someone that didn’t lead to marriage.
Someone in another thread mentioned that she was previously nikkahed but it broke off and then her engagement broke off because the family refused to have someone who’d been in a previous relationship as their son’s wife. So for some, it can even include marriage/engagement.
I don’t think its unreasonable to want a virgin IF you’ve saved yourself as well (not including divorcees/widows here), but to divorce over just that IS harsh and hard hearted.
There is so much more to a marriage than just this.
Well he is someone who has saved himself so it’s not unreasonable for him to have the requirement. Girls like (saved themselves no prior relationships etc.) also often want someone who not only hasn’t gotten into physical relationships with girls before marriage, but haven’t had girlfriends beforehand, period. Especially if he’s looking in a purely arranged setting, I don’t think he’s being harsh or hard hearted here.
Firstly, There are so many people around with no past.
Secondly, As Madz124 stated, In islam its not permissible to ask about the past ofa potential.
The right thing to ask about is the potential spouse’s religion, character, and personality. In general, it is not permitted to talk about past sins or indiscretions.You sound religious, pious, you must have strong faith in Allah, Where is your faith now?!.Make your faith STRONG AND RESPECT THEIR HONESTY.
STOP meeting potentials in presence of thier walis, if you intend to confront them.Think about this, you met them, shared your views and got away.Your one freaking move made their life miserable, your behavior disappointed them, you shatterd their confidence, they have certain expectations.Maybe they have repented and they geniuely wish to start a new life.
I honestly think, You have not saved yourself its more like no girl ever found you attractive becasue of your attiude, you never had the chance.
Stop making pathetic excuses, finding flaws in people and be more rational.You are accountable for your deeds and let Allah SWT do the rest.
And then Satan said, “Put the ALPHABET in mathematics…”!
The awkward moment when Paheli’s post looks like Sara516’s.
