Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital

[sailfish]

Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital

@Paheli00

So going by this logic…a man or woman can lie about their past sexual history…even alcohol/drug usage etc. to a potential spouse. And Islam sees nothing wrong with it? And it would be “cruel” to divorce them once it’s discovered that they lied. Wow.

Well, yeah, from what I understand if you don’t have a shariah-countenanced reason to reveal a past sin (one that you have left behind and repented for) the norm is you don’t share it. They go a bit into the reasons why in the link I shared in my previous post. According to this answer you still have the option of sharing the past sin, and it might be wise to do so if you think that it could cause more hurt down the road if you conceal the sin.

Present sins are different from past sins from what I understand, this answer talks a bit about whether or not to share current sins with a prospective spouse. Also, others have an obligation to honestly share what they know of your character if asked by a prospective spouse, as marriage is no small thing, zina is a very grave sin and knowing about a person’s character before marrying them is important.

As for cruelty, I suppose I should have been more clear there. Being hurt because you were lied to by your spouse, especially if it is something important to you, is valid and understandable and nobody should shame you for feeling hurt. I don’t want to devalue the fact that deception in a marriage is harmful, and lying to a Muslim generally is unlawful. But the idea is if a person sinned, but then repented, they’re actually following Allah SWT’s laws by not sharing their past. Concealing their past is a part of cleaning up their act, and if they’re otherwise striving to be a good Muslim and spouse and haven’t let that past interfere with the marriage, yeah I do think it is harsh to divorce them. Certainly it is within the rights of the deceived partner to dissolve their marriage. If I found myself in that situation though, as important as my future partner’s virginity is to me (and it is very important to me that I be with someone who understands the gravity of zina and strives to avoid it, as I have striven to avoid it), I would try to look past that and focus on who my partner is now, rather than who he once was (provided he has changed). Hopefully that makes more sense now?

Also I feel like I should clarify at this point I’m no Islamic scholar! Hope I haven’t screwed up in my attempts to explain my understanding of the Islamic perspective.

@Paheli00

Question: Does this same rational apply to present sins? If a husband cheats on his wife, does Islam encourage him to lie about that too? Is it considered “cruel” for a woman to divorce her husband if she finds out that he cheated on her AND lied about it? Or is the situation somehow different b/c the sin took place after the nikah papers were signed? BTW, this same scenario could happen with a woman sinner too (ie. wife cheating on her husband and lying about it).

Firstly no, I wouldn’t consider it cruel if someone, regardless of gender, left a spouse who cheated, I don’t think it would be considered cruel Islamically either. I think the rulings I mentioned are about past versus present sins in general, without considering pre-nikah or post-nikah. So if a person X cheated on spouse Y, applying the general ruling to the situation would mean X should immediately cease from sinning, repent, conceal the sin from everyone, and work on being the kind of spouse Y deserves. But this is a delicate case and the Islamic thing to do would probably be to consult someone with knowledge, i.e. an Islamic scholar, in addition to a marriage counselor before applying the ruling, since Y finding out some other way would really be painful and at this point they’ve been wronged enough, tbh.