Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital

[sailfish]

Re: Can I find a girl who hasnt had a pre marital

@Paheli00

But in this case, looks like OP is asking the potential rishtas during the initial meeting if they’re virgins. If after marriage, he finds out that she LIED to him…why is it cruel to leave her? After all, if she can lie about this one thing (which is a MAJOR issue for OP)…how does OP know she didn’t lie or won’t lie about other major issues?

As others have mentioned previously, in general one should cover their past sins. An individual striving to be a better Muslim after making mistakes would be doing the right thing by hiding their past (unless there is legitimate reason to admit to it, i.e. you have children that you are responsible for due to those past mistakes). That lie would not just be (religiously) permissible but preferred to revealing the truth (although it would be even better to avoid lying when hiding the sin). I think the argument is that a religious person would do their best to overlook a spouse’s past mistakes if such as thing came to light. It can be cruel to divorce a person whose mistakes come to light as they might have genuinely been attempting to better themselves as a person. Being divorced is especially difficult as a girl in the desi community, and as previous topics in this forum have shown make it much harder for a girl to marry at all.

@pinks

i get it. but being religious doesn’t mean you stop being human, it doesn’t mean not wanting certain traits in a life partner.

Should a “religious girl” (read ba-ikhlaaq, kind, forgiving) be expected to be ok with being lied to? say she wanted a guy with a certain level of education (and a decent income) or wanted to live separately/ wanted to work post marriage, etc and made these demands clear in her rishta hunting process… only to find out post-marriage she was lied to… how should she be expected to react? because she’s “religious”, she should forgive & forget the lie, suck it up and move on considering her partner is otherwise ok as a husband?

Virginity isn’t one of the requirements for marriage for a woman, being able to support your wife is a requirement for the husband though, if I recall correctly. But I definitely understand your point. Feeling hurt about being lied to is very reasonable. Especially when you specified that whatever you were lied about was incredibly important to you. That hurt is valid even if the unmet requirement is unnecessary for a successful marriage. And somebody needs to print out the statement “being religious doesn’t mean you stop being human” on posters in capslock and distribute it to every Pakistani, because I’m so tired of people trying to feel morally superior to a person trying to better themselves because that person dared to be religious and have weaknesses at the same time.

OP, I think it is great you’ve avoided fornication, may Allah SWT reward you for that. I don’t think wanting a virgin is unreasonable if you have are one, whether or not you’ve had “opportunities” to make mistakes. I found the implication that you were a virgin only because you were undesirable unfair and juvenile. I don’t think it is hard to find girls who stay well within the bounds of Islamically proper interactions with men, there are plenty I know. Insha Allah you will find a wife that has qualities you desire. However while you’re entitled to your requirements and weaknesses it would be worthwhile to interrogate them, too.

edit to add:

@homesick

For a woman, it’s her most precious quality and should be saved for the one whom Allah has made it halal.

Agreed with you for the most part except this statement is a bit odd, I don’t see how virginity is more important for women then men and I don’t believe it is the most precious quality for either?