I know in Islam it is important to seek your parents permission for marridge but what if they refuse…because the girl is a few years older and dont accept her in anyway…can the couple go ahead without there parents blessing? What do you guys think
Yes if both are adults, they can.
I believe there have been many instances where woman have gone to AnHazoor (saw) unhappy about their forced marriage and AnHazoor (saw) always took their side!
I don't know what do you mean by couples. I assume that a guy and a girl wants to marry each other and they are adult then they are free to go ahead with their marriage. In fact, if the marriage has been arranged by parents even then it is upton the guy and the girl to have a final say.
well Islam does not allow enforced marriage....
Islam is a religion which gives total freedom - within the circles of the Laws ofcourse....
and a man and a woman r completely free to choose their spouse....
the parents do not hold the right to decide against their will....
however the girl/boy shud be mature and an adult....
generally, hoever, out of the question of religion, my personal view is that the parents have a better idea and their advise shud be sought before taking any step towards this life-time commitment....
for girls, wali is mandatory,
a wali is no other person that her Father, except if he is deceased then her brother and so on.
without the permission of wali a mulsim girl cant marry. thats her only security.
this rule is not applicable for boys
no
From an Islamic point of view, only the Man and Woman getting married have the right to accept or decline.
If both parties agree and consent to the contract then the marriage can take place. Nothing to do with parents etc.
The issue about parents and walis etc asking for hand, making arrangements and whatnot is mainly to do with respect and tradition with a bit of culture thrown in for good measure.
The Qur'aan states:
004.019 O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will....
sholay you may pull out verses from Quran or Bible or whatever to support your thought and feelings... since you are not a girl you cant think beyond your prejudice wavelength.
without wali a girl has no security whatsoever. think if you can.
[quote]
Originally posted by raaj-dulara:
**sholay you may pull out verses from Quran or Bible or whatever to support your thought and feelings... since you are not a girl you cant think beyond your prejudice wavelength.
without wali a girl has no security whatsoever. think if you can.**
[/quote]
Are u a girl?
just keep your typical Mulla type rules to yourself....a girl should get consent from Wali but not the boy??? what a crap...gosh.
As everyone said above, when the girl and guy are adults, they don't need permission from their parents...but as for a respect, parents's involvement is very important but its not Pathat ki Lakeer. In the final, its guy's and girl's decision.
[quote]
Originally posted by raaj-dulara:
**sholay you may pull out verses from Quran or Bible or whatever to support your thought and feelings... since you are not a girl you cant think beyond your prejudice wavelength.
without wali a girl has no security whatsoever. think if you can.**
[/quote]
wrong. no one can force any girl to marry any one with out her consent. even if she is not an adult, and when she becomes an adult, if she wants, she can marry by her choice, nothing stops her, although it is not encouraged...
[quote]
Originally posted by Jal_Pari:
** Are u a girl?
just keep your typical Mulla type rules to yourself....a girl should get consent from Wali but not the boy??? what a crap...gosh.
As everyone said above, when the girl and guy are adults, they don't need permission from their parents...but as for a respect, parents's involvement is very important but its not Pathat ki Lakeer. In the final, its guy's and girl's decision. **
[/quote]
ur right...itz their decision afterall...but just tell me 1 thing...in case of a problem tomorrow [fight / disagreement / whatever]...where do you think a girl will go?...back to her parentz place?...will they accept her?...if yes then shez lucky to have such caring and loving parentz and if no then itz her own fault that brought her to this sad-end...wali is only 4 security...sure she can go ahead and marry whoever she likez...
God bless u all...
DerVaisH
muhabatein theen kabhi apne dermian kitni...
bicha gaye hai anna hum mein doorian kitni...
abhi to toota hai dil hi teri judai mein...
girein gi hum pe abhi aur bijlian kitni...
To the best of my knowledge, amongst the 4 Sunni schools of thought, the Hanbali, Maliki and Shafie schools state that it is obligatory to obtain the permission of a woman's wali before one can marry her, as well as needing the permission of the woman herself.
Imam Hanafi, however, disagreed with this and thus the Hanafi school of thought requires solely that the man and woman mutually consent to the marriage. Parental permission is not required, but is highly recommended.
[quote]
Originally posted by Sana24:
I know in Islam it is important to seek your parents permission for marridge
[/quote]
Ibrahim says salaams to all
Dear Sana24,
This is not a requirement only in Islam, any parent immaterial of ethnicity or religion will want their children, whom they had loved and looked after from childhood, to seek their advice and guidance in all important matters. Most children will only understand this better, when they themselves have become parents. And they will only realize the hurt when their own children will deny them.
Allah (swt) had indeed been great, and made sure that everyone will go through such phases and the child that denied or abused their parents will eventually end being abused and denied by their own children sooner or later.
Hence the wisdom behind seeking permission from parents is based on.
31: 14 And ** We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents:** to Me is (thy final) Goal.
15 "But if they strive to make the join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge obey them not; ** Yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love): ** in the End the return of you all is to Me and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."
Hence the wisdom of seeking permission is founded on what had been revealed to mankind as well as what man will finally learn as they grow up “to be a man” ( the age when man becomes a man is 40 years of living experience on this planet) hence If your is below 40 , you have still not matured . Thus taking the advice of your parents would be fundamental for your own betterment as it would be them and them alone who would care for you fully at all times.
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but what if they refuse...
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Ibrahim says; One need to find out why ? If the reasons are valid , than it was for your own good, If the reasons are not valid, than , here is where you have to learn the art of negotiations with your own parents, just my way or no way should not be the issue but moderation and rationality and firm resolve will surely show you a better way. Approach is the key to resolving differences of options
17: 23 Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him ** and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life say not to them a word of contempt nor repel them but address them in terms of honor **
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because the girl is a few years older and dont accept her in anyway.
[/quote]
Ibrahim says; age is not the criterion for marriage now days and the Prophet (pbuh) himself married an older woman but it ancient times, it was an ordained law that man must marry a younger girl.
What this law ensured was that as man grow older with a younger wife by his side, having children and the man eventually grew older, His wife on account of her youth is still strong enough to take care of him, to survive after the demise of the husband and bring up the children and as the children having reached of age is capable enough of supporting the mother as she grows old.
This is an ordained cycle and a very safe measure of self sufficiency within the family and the requirement for old age homes, hospice, homeless elders roaming the streets , all become redundant.
Hence IF your parents are wise and have the wisdom , they would indeed be asking you to marry a younger girl, since woman ( mothers) do live longer than man ( fathers) on account of how Allah (swt) had blessed them with to ensure the children are looked after , even when the father may have become too old or had died.
[quote]
....can the couple go ahead without there parents blessing? What do you guys think
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Ibrahim says; Disobeying parents should be shunned by Muslims and the parents would be the only solace when the marriage for some reasons may have turn sour or go through the doldrums . They are the best counselors who would be truly caring for you. For a women it is absolutely necessary to have her mother and father on her side, failing which she would lose much of the security and knowledge that she would be learning as situations arise in her life which her mother learned when she became a mother.
The wali system in Islam is like having a marriage counselor at your call all the time and is a security for the women when the man becomes abusive or mistreats the woman. ** The wali is not the consenter but the “authorized mediator” for that couple to settle the problems if any which may be referred to him for mediation by the husband or wife. **
Raaj-Dulaara
Pulling an ayat from the Qur'aan in order to prove and justify a view/decision is not an important issue to you. Unfortunatley this is where you and me part ways.
Just for the record, it was Islam that gave the woman the right to marry and the right to divorce, in addition to other rights. Your views have put you back into the period of Jahaliyya.
If the Qur'aan is'nt good enough for you, then can you please tell all the Guppies from what basis you reach your decision of the Wali scenario.
You must learn to differentiate between Islam and Hindu based cultural traditions brought into Pakistan concerning weddings.
Like I said before, in order for a Believing Man and Woman to marry, ONLY the consent of both individual parties concerned is required in the first instance. Not the approval by the whole village!!!!!
Dear sholay, i am sorry to say but you are as dumb and stupid as your previous relpies are... no where i have said that girls or boys cant marry without consent, nor i have said the whole village has to affirm the marriage. Or did I?
I simply said a wali is mandatory for a girl. thats her only security.. got that???? no, perhaps you have thick thoughts.
just a suggestion for the next time, read twice before you spill your arrogant views.
best regards.
.
Salam...
Generally speaking, the parents never want their children to suffer, and naturally children trust their parents in making decisions on their behalf.
But are all parents like that? I don't think so! There are parents who care much about themselves in making decisions for their children. I've seen parents forcing their children to marry someone only because they had committed to do so, soon after the birth of their child!
I know parents who do it for money, for social status, beauty.
But Allah SWT who created all of us made it clear to us about the do's and don'ts!
Character of a person should top your list of priorities when choosing a life mate! not money, social standing or beauty!!
Referring to the security point of view, that if the daughter gets divorced she'll probably return to her parents, and if she had married a person of her choice will her parents accept her? This is more of an ego problem! If the marriage is arranged and there is a conflict the whole family gets involved and tries to sort things out for the couple, but if its otherwise, the couple are left unsupported and are also advised to get divorced! Where is parenthood here? Its only EGO!
Parents misuse their authority and if other people support this misuse, they are no different than them.
Allah tests us all the time and we have to be JUST in our decisions, and this we do not understand!
O ye who believe! stand out firmly for justice as witnesses to Allah even as against yourselves or your parents or your kin and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts) lest ye swerve and if ye distort (justice) or decline to do justice verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do. 4:135
Raaj-Dulara
It seems as though you are knew on this Forum and also to Islam. So maybe your intelligent views can be forgiven!!!
In any case, can you still answer my initial query concerning your view of mandatory wali requirements for women and where you received this opinion? As you have made it abundantly clear that the Qur'aan holds no relevance for you on the above.
I suppose you also hold the view that women must walk 10 paces behind there husbands, for the sake of security and have no right to divorce, for the sake of family respect!!!!!
Here are some Qur'aanic ayats in oder to bring you out of the 'illiterate village mentality':
- This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).
004.024 Also (prohibited are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess: Thus hath Allah ordained (Prohibitions) against you: Except for these, all others are lawful, provided ye seek (them in marriage) with gifts from your property,- desiring chastity, not lust, seeing that ye derive benefit from them, give them their dowers (at least) as prescribed; but if, after a dower is prescribed, agree Mutually (to vary it), there is no blame on you, and Allah is All-knowing, All-wise.
004.025 If any of you have not the means wherewith to wed free believing women, they may wed believing girls from among those whom your right hands possess: And Allah hath full knowledge about your faith. Ye are one from another: Wed them with the leave of their owners, and give them their dowers, according to what is reasonable: They should be chaste, not lustful, nor taking paramours: when they are taken in wedlock, if they fall into shame, their punishment is half that for free women. This (permission) is for those among you who fear sin; but it is better for you that ye practise self-restraint. And Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.
004.019 O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may Take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.
At least try and work it out, even if you don't accept the ayats!!
All comes down to how much you love and respect your parents??....simple.
Hey raaj-dulara, a link to this thread was given on another thread, http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/Forum13/HTML/005110.html as an indication of your personality.
One thing that I don’t understand is that why is it that most of those people who defend Shiism, have something wrong about them. They are severely misinformed or do not realize the gravity of the issue and the threat posed by the Shias against Islam, or they are hypocrites who just don’t care about Islam, or they have some utopian romantic ideas that are detrimental to Islam, or they are actually Shias who are practising taqiyah.
When My servants ask thee concerning Me, ** I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calleth on Me: ** Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. (Holy Qur’an 2:186)