I know its not RIGHT…but you know how we have arranged marriages in our society…Lez say the couple figures that they don’t have any understanding between them but at the same time divorse is not a solution cuz of family pressures & lots of other factors. What should one do in this situation…How bad is an affair in this situation…I have my answer but i wanna know what majority thinks before i pass on any advice to her/him.
BoSS
Boss, you did not mention if you are talking about the Muslim men/women or non-muslim.
If you are talking about the Muslim men/women then this is a stupid question because when we have straight forward and clear answer to this type of situation then asking this question for muslim men/women is idiotic.
But if you are concerned about the non-muslim men/women, I am sorry I do not have any answer because I do not have any knowledge about the other religions.
Promoting Islam and Pakistan positively won't insult your intelligence. Unless you are an IDIOT.
msaqib with all due respect its not a idiot question...its a serious question and its an issue between a couple who belongs to ur religion. Why r we so afraid to face the reality.....its better not to close ur eyes when the danger is lurking right infront.
BoSS
**
Tooba Tooba.....Qurb-e qyaamut......balkay yoon kehna chaiay.......
"kia qyaamut ka hei koi din aur.....?"
Boss ji with all due respect lemme say...Saqib ji is right....and this is an idiotic question:)no offense plz :)
Aap hum se naraz na hoye ga :)
Dekhiye na Rab sohnay nay....aur uss ke sohnay rasool nay hammaray liay kuch hadood-o qayood qaiyum ki hei......and as being muslims we can't go beyond those hadood-o qayood........if we do...that is "Gunnah".. :)
Wesay btw ....You said....."I have My Answer".....
What is your answer....would u like to share it......
and one more thing plz plz plz no offense.........plzzzzzzzz:-(
You said to saqib ji....."Who belong to ur religion"........?????
What is ur religion????
once again plz no offense.....just curious....
Aur wesay bi aap ki naarazgi hum se bardaasht nai ho gi :)
Rab Rakha
I think its a serious issue and its certainly not an idiotic question.
Isn't this actually happening in our society?
I think it does happen...may be all in parda and dakha chuppa!!
From a muslim's point of view its totally wrong and unacceptable but why is it happening than???? I think because its a negative response to non-compatible marriages
in our society and these can be arranged or otherwise too!
I think when physical needs over power spirituality, people ignore religion and STUFF-HAPPENS!
Being a muslim one shouldn't do this.
I think having affairs is not the solution.
People must communicate and try solving the
problem otherwise Bye Bye!!
Are my thoughts too unrealistic???
Ambreen
NaikLarki: I am happy there are people who has the positive think like you do.
Boss and Ambreen:
I would stick with my first thought that this is an IDIOTIC question and just a stupid thought.
For both of you (ambreen and boss). If you understand the difference between the sin and reality, do you really?
I do not agree with your philosohpy of REALITY?
There are so many other sins are being happened in REALITY? Would you try to explain them too.
I am not closing my eyes, I am just saying that this is a SIN and asking an explaination about this is a SIN as well too.
I never claimed that it does not happen.
All I said that if there is a clear order from Allah (SWT) and from his Prophat (PBUH) about some thing then bringing that topic to the public forum to make it controversy is an IDIOTIC attempt.
Promoting Islam and Pakistan positively won't insult your intelligence. Unless you are an IDIOT.
Boss
No its not a good idea. They should pack up if they really cant stay together otherwise compromise. I know it gets hard to take divorce if kids are involved. But it is absurd to find a solution in an affair. In the long run they'll be better off by breaking up. I can understand the difficulties..especially the family pressure etc but its their life and they should decide for it.
[This message has been edited by zainab (edited March 13, 1999).]
dear Boss i also agree totally with msaqibj, you can only discuss it minus religion which in our case, atleast, is near to impossible.
And just for the sake of discussion if you do allow an affair, what do you think its effects will be on their children and other family members?
Thanks guys!
My post started with "I know its not RIGHT"...I think a few of u missed that part...but its ok.
I'd like to keep religion out of this too because we know what Islam says about this...
But how can we be in such state of denial.
I know I have made a lot of people uncomfortable with such an attempt but i would rather have this topic addressed than don't see it at all and I guess gup shup is the best place to do it...A quick example before i leave a graduate from Lahore got married to a 60 year old illiterate chaudry in a nearby village....and that girl is having an affair...is she wrong?
BoSS
Naik Larki, don't worry I'm on track & my answer is pretty much the same as you guys...but i'm not in denial, I appreciate your concern though :)
I think in the modern world it is almost universally accpected ethic that one should not have an affair when married regardless of the religion of teh person. Many of you have emphasised upon the fact it is a sin in Islam. Very true. It is. In fact, I don't find a known religion or society where it is not a sin or atleast unacceptable. Even in the open society of West, having an afair while married is cinsidered bad and unacceptable. Even if someone is dating two people at teh same time is considered unethical let alone married affair.
But at the same time we see people from all religions and ethnic groups having affairs all the time in all the countries around the world. Don't we. Just saying that it is not allowed by our reigion so it is not happening and let us not talk about it, is very naive of us. Extra-martial affaire are usually hidden and not done openly for the pulic to know about it. This very thing proves that even the people involved in it know that it is wrong and gunaah.
Once again, it is wrong and gunaah and is dhokha for your partner and also to yourself. It is worst thing one can do to his/her family. Now question is, how a society who can allow such a mismatch (young girl and 60 year old baba ji) deals with issue of infidelity?
CM
I guess we all know what the answer is...what i don't understand is why we have to go by other ppl's rules all the time...extra-marital affairs are haraam but divorce isn't! it's the couple's life for god's sake..let them do what they feel right with it!!! if they aren't happy, they should just end it! the hell with family and 'the other factors'...errr..sorry...the thing is that i've seen this happen to someone...and it effected me, i won't ever get over it...
i just hope the couple doesn't have any kids...
freaking society and their pressures....
W.B,
:)gotcha! Good topic, yes its very realistic, didn’t want to reply but something got me inspired here :)Watch out for the bXg gloves, no, no, don’t getme wrong, this is totally requirable here, watch! 
Dearest Saqib ji, Naik Larki and those that disagree,
I’ve got a question for u all. Hmm…this is idiotic eh? Well, I wonder when some ppl who claim be to very pious and virtuous, when they don’t get the Halal haqooq from their parterners, why do they go up and abuse innocent beings who are totally helpless? Wierd isn’t it? But the wonderful part is that these ppl dub themselves the ULTIMATE MUSLIMS of an outrageous era! Lemme be more precise shall we?! I’m talking about those molvies, or ppl, who abuse innocent (lets say) lil’ children. Isn’t this kinda ironic that ppl who know nothing about the depth of Islam, goes up saying “Oh yeah I’m a true muslim, better than those around!” Oh sorry, this is just another idiotic reality. Yeah its just better for the parot to shut his eyes close and imagine the billy not being there to gobble him up. Hhha! LIfe is so easy!
Oye Allah kay bandon, Please don’t mind the
http://www.pak.org/gupshup/frown.gif
nature of this thread, I mean its just for the sake of discussion, so no hard feelings okay??? Pleeeeeeeease, cuz I really respect and achay lagthay hain aap sub mojhay!
With cheery thoughts
Daysee Behna
PS. Naik Larki,
Oye ji Salama laykum! kithon hondeen aayn tusi oye! Teynon ithay wayqh kaay baree khushian hondi waay. (Tangay rehthi hain Punjabi ki abhi, ya hath aur pasli samayth hee tor baythi hoon)
“Ur belief in ur dreams makes them a reality. U are ur dreams. May u dream ur life BUT NOT dream ur life away.”
Couple of points....
BoSS - Excellent topic! Thanks for airing it here in Gup Shup.
Those of you that are suggesting that the question is "idiotic" - It is due to narrow and selective vision that our society is unable to resolve and eradicate such sensitive issues. No question is EVER stupid or idiotic. All questions should be handled as valid and real ones. No matter how easy the answer may seem to be. The first five words of BoSS's message are clear and concise. Before you stomp all over him....go back and read them.
Now...with regards to the question....
I will have to go with zainab on this one. No matter what the pressures are...if the marriage is not a tolerable one, or if compromise cannot be reached then the couple should rightfully and legally split. Even if children are involved. It has been studied and proven that offspring from a union that is less than healthy tend to fare much better when the disputing parties separate and establish a shared-parenting arrangement.
As far as the college grad that marries the elderly choudhry....obviously her environment failed her and she did not have the courage to stand on her own. But how will she be able to live with herself? Where is her self-respect? If she has the courage to have an affair on the sly, she should first have the courage to get out of the mismatched union.
Both situations are an issue of taking responsibility of what happens in your life and how you affect the lives of others. Those with self-respect and a sense of responsibility to oneself will, no doubt, overcome obstacles and make decisions that are morally upstanding and supported by their respective faith.
Well...the two behnas come to the rescue once again....People I'm a good guy :)
BoSS
yeah, sure
salaams everyone! ummmm...interesting topic,its not idiotic, its real and happening amongst muslims, as humans we have instincts which often lead us to sin, which we should obviously try to control,weve talked about divorce as a solution, wht about polygamy? its an option for the man, why can he not make his mistress his second wife, and therefore legitimise his relationship with her???? just a thought....
It is always funny that the PEA BRAINS constantly call the other having narrow vision because these SHRUNKEN mind people do not even try to understand what the other person is saying. All they see that if the other person has the opposite view then them, these compressed thought holders call him/her narrow mind right away.
If some one brings a question like this into the public forum then he/she should expect any kind of responses. How come having different view than others make one narow mind and the other is still a broad mind.
Anyhow,I stick with my first openion that
"IF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE MUSLIM MEN/WOMEN THEN THIS IS AN IDIOTIC QUESTION"
Every muslim knows or should know the answer.
BOSS: and Daysee Behan:
Yeah it is 100 percent right that this is a reality that this type of tings are being happening in our society.
Daysee Behan: Who said that if a molvie did or does those sins is a good muslim?
Who said that if a person calls him/herself is a better muslim than the people around him/her is ACTUALLY a better one?
My Dearest Behana and other folks: Let me tell you one thing.
NO ONE, I mean NO ONE is above the laws of ALLAH (SWT). A sinner is a sinner, does not matter if he/she is a TAHAJAT GUZAAR in the eyes of people.
I never close my eyes from these evils in my society. My openion is that discussing the "EVIL REALITY" in a way to make it debateable whether it is right or wrong is immoral.
But discussing the "evil reality" in a method to ERADICATE that harmful reality from the society is a positive approach.
Promoting Islam and Pakistan positively won't insult your intelligence. Unless you are an IDIOT.
Thank U Saqib! Thats much better, I've proven my point i.e. bitter things do exist, and we can't just imagine them away! Now, we're clear here. :)I agree with the rest of ur theologies 120% Forget the other mumbo Jumbo abt the molvies, that was just used to emphasize the existance of the khuthernak "BIlly!" :)
Hmm... guess what W.B? I was just sitting among grown ups (seniors, I mean mid age adults oye!) and they were talking about some family that experienced the same thing. Resolution: The first wife of the person (guy) died of a broken heart and the two fiddle (a new word invented again?) heads got married! The End! :)
One shudn't get into crap like that, if they do however, divorce shud be demanded and do what is in the limits of Islam. Or marry the 2nd one too.Better than the other way around atleast. Many times we tend to confuse societal pressure and laws with Islam. First of all a man/woman is given the right (in Islam) to chose his parterner or say yes or no the choice of parent's choice, I mean one is offered a million alternatives, the rishtas keep coming and one has the right to accept or reject.
Therefore, in the very first place if one does that (affair ect), then he/she shud know how to resolve the matter in a suitable and decent way i.e. shud hold their grounds, instead of doing things the wrong way (sinning)!
BoSS don't worry about what others think abt u, as some one here, very dear say, "Those who know (u) Know (u) well!" :)
Anything else?
Adios,
Daysee Behna
msaqibj,
Three things:
1 - I agree that nobody is above the laws of Allah. Hopefully that includes you. So before you shoot off at the mouth and start calling anyone a "pea brain" or "SHRUNKEN mind people" think of how the Almighty feels about that type of behaviour.
2 - You suggest that you are not blind to the "evil" realities of life. Good. Acknowledging a problem is half the solution. However, we still need to come up with the other half in order to eradicate the evil. Debate and discussion of the subject, no matter how controversial, is mandatory to help us devise that missing piece.
3 - You can never hope to win over an audience, mature or immature, informed or uninformed, with antagonism or negativity. If, due to lack of knowledge or ignorance (which is not the case in this thread, mind you), I were to ask a question, I would not be willing to listen to the answer from a person that is quick to insult me.
Aik hee baat pyaar say samjha'ee ja sakti hai aur ghussay say. Jo pyaar aur narmi say apna kaam karwa lay woh insaan kaamyab hai.
Finally, if you take a few moments and go back to read what I have written carefully you will notice that I have not said anything different from you.....in both instances I have condemned the activity (i.e. extra-marital affair) and I have even made mention of morals and religion. What I did not do is call BoSS an idiot. Look at his response to you and his response to me.
Muzna dear: Thanks for reminding me that I am not above the Laws of Allah (SWT) and I AM NOT.
My writing was all in responce to your this sentence if you read it again: Muzna Quoted: "Those of you that are suggesting that the question is "idiotic" - It is due to narrow and selective vision that our society is unable to resolve and eradicate such sensitive issues"
Could you please tell me that how come having a different thought about bringing this topic into an open forum makes me narrow and selective vision person and makes you a broad minded?
I did not say that you have different solution on this matter than the solution I have.
I said I have different openion about bringing this topic into the Publib forum?
In my openion, AGAIN, discussing the Evil Reality whether it is right or wrong is DIFFERENT than discussing the Evil Reality to eradicate it from the Society.
One more thing, I never said any thing bad about either BOSS or about his personality. I respect him and all of you very much. You guys are highly praiseworthy.
Again, respecting a person being a human being IS different than accepting his/her thoughts and I have my all rights to have the differences.
Promoting Islam and Pakistan positively won't insult your intelligence. Unless you are an IDIOT.