Can a single girl be a married man’s friend? Without the knowledge of his wife? The wife is very shakki, the marriage is slightly shaky. He has told the single girl half his marriage problems because his wife is her acquaintance. He is seeking advice. Single girl now finds it slightly odd. But she likes meeting new people and talking to them so she texts him back whenever he does. About his in laws problems 90% of the time. The guy is religious, never flirted nothing but single girl is now thinking this is wrong. Basically all they talk about his how to fix his marriage.
Single girl will never ever fall for him, FYI. This is not like in the movies or books.
doesn’t sound like an ideal situation.
why would a married man ask a single girl for advice on his marriage…an experience she likely knows nothing about…
That’s what I thought too. Problem is that it has to be secret because he messages her about their marriage. Nothing very personal or intimate, but just stuff like how the in laws do this and do that and how the wife is very secretive etc. FYI, this is the first time I got to know of a guy having in laws problems
He needs to talk to his wife about this stuff…not to some single girl.
The single girl should know better than to allow this clandestine communication to continue. She should direct him to his wife or to someone who is qualified to give advice.
And the problem is not that he messages her about his marriage…the problem is that he messages her and not his wife.
Don’t try to justify his behavior. I doubt his wife checks his cell phone every day to read through his text messages. He can also delete the text messages before he gets home. He can also choose to send e-mails instead of texting.
There is nothing wrong with one friend helping another. Isn’t that what friends are for?
If the guy has never flirted, neither has the girl, and instead she is helping him with situations, there is no harm in that.
Now, if the girl feels guilty about it (and maybe the guy) THEN it’s a problem and should stop keeping in contact, if they have to go out of thier way to hide it from the wife. Or, just let the wife know, that they are friends, if she really is that suspicious, then this friendship might not be a good idea to begin with. But maybe the wife will want to be friends with her too.
Its like saying, when someone gets married, he/she cannot be friends with their single friends anymore unless they get married too.
Why would this single girl want to involve herself in the marital problems of a couple Stay far, far, faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away!
Girl’s conscience is clear. She is just helping the guy. And yes he deletes his messages. However, he wants his wife and the girl to become good friends once again. His wife had moved out of the country, gotten married etc so she lost contact with single girl. He claims he wants them to start hanging out and make his wife a better person. Wife is not agreeing to meet any one except her mother (another problem- she is antisocial)
Currently he is convincing his wife to invite girl and her family for a Dawat. Anyways, single girl will keep a big distance for sure. Although she isn’t guilty, she knows it isn’t so right. She treats him like a friend but she only got to know him 6 months ago.
If the guy and the girl have to “hide” their friendship, then there is something wrong with it. Doesn’t matter that the wife is shakki or not, or whether the girl and the husband have any ill-intentions with respect to their friendship. It’s about being dishonest - they are lying through omission. If neither has anything to feel badly about, then they should be comfortable with his wife and her parents and his parents and their entire social circle knowing that they are talking/texting, and that too about his marriage.
After all - agar dil saaf hai, to chori-chuppa kyun milein/baat karein - do it openly?
True. Girl put herself in the wife’s position and she definitely wouldn’t like it if her husband texts another girl bout their problems. Even if both husband and girl have no nasty neeyats and even if wife is horrid.
Yup but won’t wife feel betrayed if she finds out? it’s not exactly right… However the guy is wanting to mend his marriage and seems like he doesn’t have any one to talk to except his 2 married guy friends and single girl. He had initially reached out to single girl as he wanted to know why his wife was behaving like a psycho. Sad but true.
I don’t disagree. I’m not one of the uber-conservatives who frown on male-female friendships, even with married people.
But I think there needs to be honesty - the spouse should know about their spouse’s friends of the opposite gender and meetings shouldn’t be hidden. And more importantly there need to be boundaries. Confiding in a friend of the opposite gender (heck, even in a friend of the same gender), can be a betrayal of the couple’s privacy. Seeking advice from a person is one thing, but it shouldn’t be done at the expense of disrespecting the spouse’s confidence and privacy, since that way lies lots of problems…
If the single girl knows why the wife is behaving like a psycho, it doesn’t take 6 MONTHS to share this information. And if the single does not know, then that should have been communicated after the initial contact. Either way, there is NO justification for single girl and the husband to continue communicating behind the wife’s back.
And if the guy simply wants to vent, he can do that with his 2 married guy friends.
Stay far, far, faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away!
it’s not exactly right… However the guy is wanting to mend his marriage and seems like he doesn’t have any one to talk to except his 2 married guy friends and single girl. He had initially reached out to single girl as he wanted to know why his wife was behaving like a psycho. Sad but true.