A husband who does not follow Islam properly but imposes Islamic rules on his wife — Is it allowed?
Also, if a wife wears hijab with pant shirt but does not wear it when she is wearing loose clothes (i.e. shalwar kameez w/ dupatta) because she thinks it is not obligatory in Islam but her husband thinks she should, is he allowed to FORCE her to wear it? What are the limits of his rights over her?
Let’s hear from you all. Please provide quranic or hadith references for your answers…thanks!!
i'd be very surprised if it's allowed by the religion.. now if it's practiced or enforced by the followers of the religion, that's a different story.
I have many articles on this isue.lakin I have to look for them...I'll post something kaal inshaAllah.....but it's very clear, in Quan Allah says, she must listen to her husband as far as she won't be denying the order of Allah..i will give u the axacact ayat, inshaAllah..but covering her self.....yes, her husbad can FORSE her........just give me some time will give u refrance,in the mean time other may(will) reply:)
note:
as there are TWO questions here....I will try to find the answers for both...
good topic corrupt. I wanted to know the same thing. :k:
.....if a wife wears hijab with pant shirt but does not wear it when she is wearing loose clothes (i.e. shalwar kameez w/ dupatta) because she thinks it is not obligatory....
I never thought that Hijab has to be different with different attire, I think the best advise to both of them would be to not to make a mockery of Islam.
and buy the way what is following Islam properly? as if there are limits to submit your self to Allah?
Source:
Question#:
4645
Question Date:
1/1/1995
Topic :
Obligations: Of a wife
Question:
May I ask about the duties of a wife toward her husband?
Answer:
When we speak of duties within the family, we have to remember that there are different levels of rights and duties.
There is firstly the “legal” duty for the omission of which one is liable to be punished by Allah. Such duties apply to all in equal measure. They represent the minimum for which one is accountable. When a person neglects to fulfill such duties, family life is jeopardized and strife replaces happiness in the home.
Secondly there are duties imposed by social traditions. These differ from one society to another, and they can be, for example, markedly different in the country from what we see in town life.
Thirdly, there are personal duties which differ from one family to another. These are governed by the relationship between the man and his wife.
Of the first type, a woman has three duties to fulfill. She should respond to her husband whenever he wants to take her to bed. It is one of the main obligations of both partners that they should help each other maintain their chastity. That can only be achieved if they are willing to accommodate each other in this very intimate relationship. Secondly, she must not admit into his home any person whom he has expressly told her not to admit. This applies even to her relatives. He may have his reasons for such an attitude. Obviously, a husband must not abuse this right of his in order to isolate his wife from her own family. Her third obligation is that she must keep his secrets. She should not tell others about the secrets which take place in her home, particularly when they relate to the intimate relationship between her and her husband. To make secrets of this type public is a serious contravention of Islamic teachings.
Duties imposed by social traditions differ from one place to another. In certain rural areas, for example, a wife is supposed to bake the bread in addition to doing all the normal household duties. In others, she is expected to take care of the dairy produce from the family’s farm. A wife living in town does nothing of such duties. In most societies, however, a woman is expected to look after her home and see to it that her family have all their domestic needs met. Hence the term “housewife”. While the duties of a housewife are not legally binding, one must say that traditions have an important say in how people organize their lives. If, for example, a wife decides that she will not do more than the legal obligations in a society where servants or domestic helps are extremely difficult to find, then everyone in society, including her own family, will judge her conduct unreasonable. Nevertheless, and technically speaking, she fails in no legal duty of hers by so doing. In order to understand the validity of such traditional obligations, it is useful to mention that the Prophet was the arbiter between his cousin Ali, and his wife, Fatimah, who was the Prophet’s own daughter. They quarreled over what duties she had to fulfill. Apparently, this took place at a time when Fatimah found her household duties too much of a burden. Presumably her children were too young at that time. The Prophet’s ruling was that Fatimah should look after everything inside the home, while Ali’s responsibility included everything outside it. Both were happy with the division of responsibility. This ruling, however, does not constitute a legal obligation. It is simply a matter which relates to the sharing of responsibilities and good manners. When a wife irons her husband’s shirts and washes his clothes and gets the food ready for him when he comes back from work, she gives her family a very solid foundation. Her husband is bound to reciprocate by doing more than the minimum of his own legal duties. It is important for every family to elevate their life well above legal requirements and the duties of partners. This applies to a greater measure to personal duties. These are decided individually in every family. They belong to the realm of compassion, mutual care and love. When these are well established in the family, the notion of duty disappears altogether. Each partner will feel happier when he or she does what pleases the other.
If the husband himself is not following any of the rulings then it makes no sense for him to force his wife.. Infact she should be better off leaving him.
The way I see it, issues such as these should be decided before marriage. "Individual choices" dont make much sense when it is a matter of give and take such as marriage. For example if the husband hates to see his wife going outside without being covered properly, then even if he does not force her to cover, how is it still healthy for the marriage?
Please check the appropriate references (short on time right now) but good women are supposed to be devoutly obedient (as per the Quran) (since it is mentioned in a context where the rights of the husband and wife are being talked about, therefore it would seem that they should be obedient to their husbands). Also, further in the same verse, it states that if they see ill conduct on the part of the woman then they can admonish them / refuse to share the bed etc.
It would seem from this that since the pious women are 'obedient', hence if she disobeys her husband then she can not be considered pious in the same sense.. Also since it further states that the husband can admonish the wife if he sees ill conduct, then he can probably admonish her for not covering properly. Allah knows best.
Seems like a fairly simple issue. The main thing i guess is that these things should be discussed before marriage.. the husband and the wife may not have the same belief sets which would mean they would end up clashing somewhere anyway.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ammarr: *
if the husband hates to see his wife going outside without being covered properly, then even if he does not force her to cover, how is it still healthy for the marriage?
[/QUOTE]
Does it work the other way also ? I mean are Men free to roam in their Langotas, Most women hate that ? Many times I have seen men going out in their Stripe Underwears, Shouldn't they be forced to cover themselves up as well ? Or is it always the women who has to cover up and compromise for a healthy marriage ?
Asif_k
I am quite sure nothing I say will make sense to you since you ask question with a bias.. anyhow, the same thing is for women, if the husband does not cover properly (according to islamic guidelines), she can ask him to cover.. and if he doesn't listen she can use that as a reason for divorce.
Re: Can a husband FORCE his wife to...
Hijab does not come as an obligation because of the marriage only. Its a religious obligation for a woman as soon as she enters the circle of Islam. Therefore, it does not matter if her husband is a practicing Muslim himself or not. Thats a separate issue. She cannot use it as an excuse for not wearing hijab.
As far as the husband imposing things on his wife (when he himself is not a practical Muslim) is concerned, this is just like the case between any two Muslims. Its because a wife is not legally obliged to follow each and every word from her husband (the first case that I mentioned in my last post). Therefore, its just a general matter of saying what one doesn't practice.
From the wife's point of view, she should realize that even though her husband is not a good Muslim, what he is saying is actually correct. Therefore, she should wear hijab and follow other Islamic principles. This is not for her husband's sake, but for her religion. At the same time, she should try to correct her husband.
On the husband's part, he seriously needs to work on practicing Islam and try not to force on others all the time what he does not plan on doing.
Wallahualam
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CurruptAngel: *
A husband who does not follow Islam properly but imposes Islamic rules on his wife --- Is it allowed?
Also, if a wife wears hijab with pant shirt but does not wear it when she is wearing loose clothes (i.e. shalwar kameez w/ dupatta) because she thinks it is not obligatory in Islam but her husband thinks she should, is he allowed to FORCE her to wear it? What are the limits of his rights over her?
Let's hear from you all. Please provide quranic or hadith references for your answers....thanks!!
[/QUOTE]
Baba G same here…
Swera I’d love to see your references…
MiniMe
well there are many debates out there regarding “what should be covered and what doesn’t have to be covered”…some people say in Islam women are ordered to cover themselves from head to toe. Some say, everything but her face and hands should be covered. And there are others who believe that they are not obligated to cover their hair just like men are not ordered to do it. Oh well, that’s not the topic. The topic is whether a husband can force his wife to do what she does not believe she is obligated to do in Islam?
ramyssysIX Does the quran or sunnah mention if a wife is still supposed to follow every single thing her husband tells her to do when he himself doesn’t follow Islam properly? And are there any examples of Prophet Muhammed:saw: forcing his wife/wives to do something against her/their will?
ammarr For example if the husband hates to see his wife going outside without being covered properly
Well she is covering everything(loose shalwar kameez and a dupatta covering her neck and bosoms) but her hair. How is she not covered properly? Is the hair sexual part of the body? If it is then why don’t men cover their hair??
Anyways, are you trying to say that a husband cannot force Islam on his wife? And if he does, she should get a divorce? Please post some hadiths or quranic verses…Otherwise I’ll take it as your personal opinion…
Asif_k That’s what I’m wondering. As far as I know, Islam gives unlimited rights to men - to extent that they can abuse their women with their power and still get away with it.
** Nine replies yet no one backed up their statements from quran or hadiths. Come on guys, help me out.** : (
As I mentioned earlier, besides the following three legal bindings, there isn’t anything else madatory.
**Of the first type, a woman has three duties to fulfill. She should respond to her husband whenever he wants to take her to bed. It is one of the main obligations of both partners that they should help each other maintain their chastity. That can only be achieved if they are willing to accommodate each other in this very intimate relationship. Secondly, she must not admit into his home any person whom he has expressly told her not to admit. This applies even to her relatives. He may have his reasons for such an attitude. Obviously, a husband must not abuse this right of his in order to isolate his wife from her own family. Her third obligation is that she must keep his secrets. She should not tell others about the secrets which take place in her home, particularly when they relate to the intimate relationship between her and her husband. To make secrets of this type public is a serious contravention of Islamic teachings. **
I certainly can try to find references for you, but I will have to get back to you later.
Hair is a part of satar for women, certainly yes. For men, its only the part of the body between the belly button and knees.
I never said the husband can not force her. Quite the contrary, its her who should be obedient and listen to him. I said if he isn't practising himself then its not wise on her part to stay with someone who isn't a practising muslim.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ammarr: *
Asif_k
I am quite sure nothing I say will make sense to you since you ask question with a bias.. anyhow, the same thing is for women, if the husband does not cover properly (according to islamic guidelines), she can ask him to cover.. and if he doesn't listen she can use that as a reason for divorce.
[/QUOTE]
I was going to reply him but i couldnt have said it as properly as you did. You are 100% right about what you just said . Most of his posts are ditto copy of each other.
-Salman
Nice topic .. i would like to read more about it..and Rammy as always thanx for your precious comments and information.
-Salman
Okay, let’s change the scenario a bit. What if the wife is a Non-Muslim. Is the hubby allowed to force Islam on her?
I thought everyone is responsible for their own actions and intentions. And if that’s true then how can her husband impose things on her that she does not believe she’s not obligated to do. Is it one of her duties to follow his way of Islam?
Can you please post some hadiths where Hazrat Muhammed:saw: forced his wives to do something they didn’t wanna do? Or examples in which he:saw: imposed Islamic rules on believers/non-believers?
And you were saying she should get a divorce. Islam doesn’t give her a right to GIVE a divorce to her husband either, am I correct? She HAS to get his permission or go to court and make a mockery out of herself in front of public…That doesn’t quite seem fair to her, don’t think?
I don’t understand how the above paragraph answers my questions! Anyways, let’s assume she’s fulfilling all the duties mentioned in the article. But does she have to follow her hubby’s way of Islam? Don’t give me your opinion. I need hadiths or Quranic surahs…
What is satar? 
Anyways, I don’t agree with what you said. It doesn’t make sense if women are supposed to cover their hair whereas, men don’t have to? Hair of women and men can be equally attractive and I don’t think there’s any doubt about it. Well, do post hadiths where Muhammed:saw: specifically ordered women to cover their hair. Thanks a lot for your help.
CA, in case of specific scenarios or detailed questions it is much better to get in touch with a scholar.
As far as the Prophet saww goes, there is no sense in any of his wives having a different set of beliefs as they believed him to be a Messenger from Allah and to have come in truth so why would they be following a different belief than the Prophet himself?
You are NOT understanding the depth of the mentioned directives. For example, lets say the wife believes she should not cover, and lets say her husband lets her have her way (according to your understanding of each of us being responsible for our actions), then she will PROBABLY pass on this same belief to her daughter. Hence things like these are NOT individual, infact they affect an entire household.
The next point is that no, it is not an individual choice. The Prophet saww said that we are all sheppards and we will all be asked about our sheep.. (hmm something like that) so a ruler will be asked about his subjects, a husband ABOUT HIS HOUSEHOLD etc.
What do you mean by 'she has to follow her husband's brand of islam'??? They should talk these matters through before marriage, and if later one of them feels the other is asking them to do something unlawful/unislamic then they should ask for separation.
One thing is very clear that a woman MUST cover herself, either her husband say or not. If he say she shouldn’t then she SHOULD NOT listen to him, as this is the order of ALLAH. And here is the problem ( to her maybe) that her husband doesn’t practice Islam. Now, it’s her responsibility (as well ) to say to him, he MUST do cretin things. With love, not by fighting. And it is his responsibility to tell her she MUST cover up. Now if she wears lose clothing ( doesn’t matter if it’s shalwar qameez) coz many shalwar qameez are not consider as an ISLAMIC dress. & what dupata? thses days us sister have dupata in our necks ( jesay phanda ho) instead of our heads; & it’s shefone or silk...ect all our hair shows...So what’s the use of this dupata?
She MUST wear HIJAB nomatter how astry her husband is pracsiing or not, because she will be the one to answer for HERSELF to ALLAH on the Day of judgement...she won’t say to Allah, O Allah Almighty! My husband didn’t practice himself, how can he tell me to cover myself? (Who is he to tell me, if he’s doing this & that)
This is wrong, it’s very clear. Now if he told her to UNCOVER herself, now it’s problem, I’ll say she’s lucky that her husband WANTS her to wear hijab. Because if he’s not practicing then she should wory about him, not that he wants her to wear the HIJAB.
Why us sisters are so afraid to wear hijab?
*“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Ahzaab 33:59
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”
[al-Tahreem 66:6]*
So This means she have to (NOT ONLY BUT SHE MUST) try to tell her husband, also that he should start.
You see.
*And as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; the man is the shepherd of his family members and is responsible for them...”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will ask every person in a position of responsibility about that which was entrusted to him, whether he took care of it or was negligent, until He will ask a man about the members of his household.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ghaayat al-Maraam, no. 271.
*
You read Sura-al-Hoor it tells you about covering.
Even if one have to leave one’s husband or wife if he/she don’t practice is told. So it’s up to her. her husband told her to do so, he did HIS duty now it’s HER turn to take a step & tell HIM to start practicing:)
Here’s a hubta that may help you to understand something.
I hope this helps & if there's any mistake, may Allah forgive me.
Question :
I wear Hijab but do not wear Niqab, my husband says that if I do not start covering my face then he will divorce me. He says that whatever he asks me to do I should do. I do not want to disobey my husband but to wear niqab would cause me great hardship and sadden me deeply. I guess it is due to lack of eeman that I feel this way but feel that he is trying to force me to do something that I do not want to do. Can you please advise me on this matter.
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
The evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah indicates that it is obligatory for women for cover their faces. This evidence includes the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way)”
[al-Ahzaab 33:59]
The cloak (jilbaab) is a garment that the woman places over her head and lowers over her face.
So you have to fear Allaah in this matter and respond to two commands: the command of Allaah and the command of your husband. Undoubtedly this will be very good for you. This matter will make your husband happy and bring happiness to your home. Feelings of difficulty will pass if you are patient and get used to it. These feelings of difficulty will turn to joy when you see the effect that your way of dressing has on him, so you will be responding to Islamic commands and the command of your husband which is in accordance with the laws of Allaah. You will be closing the door to the shaytaans of those who may look at you, and will also be protecting the gaze of chaste and good people from looking at something which they are not permitted to see. And there are other benefits which you will see and appreciate when you respond to this command.
Sisters who wear niqaab often come to regret the years in which they used to uncover their faces, after Allaah honoured them with the niqaab. If one of them were to be given all the wealth in the world to uncover her face, she would not do it. We have even seen many chaste women who have left their husbands because they wanted them to take off the niqaab. So think about the great difference between your situation and theirs. Where now can we find a man who is keen to keep his family chaste and covered? There are very few of them. Should we disregard these few or should we appreciate their actions which spread good in society?
We remind you to fear Allaah, and we remind you of the actions of the believing women when they responded to the command of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
“and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)”
[al-Noor 24:31]
al-Bukhaari (4481) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “When this verse was revealed, the muhaajir women took their waist wrappers and tore them at the edges, and covered their faces with them.
See also the answer to question no. 21134, which explains the obligation of women covering their faces.
Your husband should also read question no. 20343, which explains the husband’s duty to offer sincere advice to his wife, and ways of doing that.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
And Allah knows the best:)
^ Nicely summarized Swera.
Thanks Salman.
As brother ammar mentioned.... CA, you should get in touch with a scholar to figure all such minute details. It will be the best thing for you, InShaAllah.