A couple of days ago, my mother was talking to my sister in law on the phone (she lives over seas for now). And she asked her if she wanted to speak with anyone else. She then answered with my brothers name. After the call my mother and father were lecturing my brother about how he shouldn’t speak to her that often and to tell that her that she should stop calling him by his name. They said a wife shouldn’t do that and that she wouldn’t respect him in the future.
Naturally, afterwards I asked my parents why they told him that. They said it was a matter of respect. And then gave themselves as an example. My mum never calls my dad by his name at home. Sometimes when she’s out she’ll say his name but otherwise she doesn’t. I didn’t really pay much attention to it until now, because my sister in law asked to talk to my brother. What else was she supposed to say?
Maybe its because I’ve grown up in a western society. But how does the wife not saying her husbands name show respect? I don’t understand it. What else is she meant to call him? Shouldn’t the husband comply to these rules as well?
The more I think about it, the stranger it seems to me. (like I said, maybe its because I’ve grown up in a western society)
Please, do tell if this is a common occurrence. And if you or your spouse do this as well, and if you do what do you call them? I would really like to know.
i call my husband by his name and i have seen every wife around me(that i know) calling their husband by names..no big deal..no one minds..and yes they respect each other and yes i have been born and brought up in eastern desi society..
I grew up in the west too and my mum calls my father his name then sahib after it always so she say.......sahib. I call my husband by name, I did find it difficult in the beginning as I wasn't sure what is right as no one in my immediate family mainly elders called hubs by name. I then asked dh what I should call him and he said it was fine to call by name which I have done ever since.
I think it is a generation thing as well as cultural but does make you wonder how would a wife call her hubby then, if he is upstairs part of house or another room she would have to go up to him for whatever rather than call out name.
I think it is a generation thing as well as cultural but does make you wonder how would a wife call her hubby then, if he is upstairs part of house or another room she would have to go up to him for whatever rather than call out name.
So if the husband calls out his wife's name deoes that mean he does not respect her?
My grandmother does check my cousin sometimes when she says "name yeh keh raha tha." with a "keh rahay they". Her logic is that when a husband and wife maintain politeness they don't dissolve into incivilty and gaali galoch when they argue. And also that he's older.
I think civility can be maintained if the people are inherently civil. Nothing can stop rudeness no matter how many social constructs a person makes.
And seriously how the heck would she call for him on the phone?? Muney kay abba doesn't sound good without the actual munna.
My parents call each other by their names. I call husband by name and he nevers calls out my name and addresses with "baat sunayn" :D as long as spouses dont address each other with bhai/baji , rest should not depict how much they respect each other.
Also to show respect for being her provider and responsibility she could also say as strangeone's grandma says, ......name a rahai thay, name ja rahai thai etc i have seen one couple where the wife said, name tum kaha thai?, or she said to me usne kaha thai. Really looked so diesrespectful,. Just my opnion
you wonder how would a wife call her hubby then, if he is upstairs part of house or another room she would have to go up to him for whatever rather than call out name.
there is no harm in calling your spouse by name culturally or religiously. this practice was in the past. my Bhabhi never calls my bro by name and he doesn't do that either. we live in the west and we are alHamdolillah highly educated. my bro is a professor.
it's was just culturally not acceptable in the past, especially those who grew up in a village setting where 70% of subcontinent's population lives.
at the end of the day, it's individual's choice what he/she wants to call his/her spouse. fair enuf! :)
My parents are from pretty traditional families but they call each other by their name. My mom still uses "tussi" instead of "tu" (they speak punjabi with each other) but no "suniye" stuff. It's weird because my fiance is a year older than me and we're friends (lurve marriage) so I'm tempted to say "tum" in the rare occasions when we speak urdu...but...it sounds awkward because I've never heard females use that for their husbands in my family.
yea i don't see how that is disrespectful. what was she supposed to say when asked if she wanted to talk to anyone else? "oonhi se baat karni hai"....LOL. she might call him something else in their own privacy (jaan, honey, sonu, etc) but the parents don't need to know that. she was just answering their question.
And she has to abide by her in-laws’ rules as to what she should call him?
It seems as if they’re having trouble letting go.
I call my husband by a nickname I gave him…but still by name. Sometimes I won’t use his name…I’ll say “sunein”…in which case he knows he’s the only “sunein” in the house.
I hope you understand this isn’t fair to your sister in law…she can call her husband whatever he feels fine with and since they’re married…there is NO issue in speaking to each other.
My mom calls my dad "suniye". For the past few years, she has started calling him "MR ABC" when she is angry with him. But, yes, if not it's always suniye!
It's a generation thing. All my married friends who are in their 30s and 20s call their hubbies by their names.
LOL @ #DesiIssues](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=DesiIssues) . My begum goes from 0-60 in 2 seconds. One seconds she will be like “suneen” and other seconds “idher aoo na yee dakhoo suit”. Depending on what she is asking for, her style of calling me changes aur Aqalmand k leyee ishara kafi hota hai
One of my aunt (khala) used to call uncle “In k Abba” (In being my cousins)
We were like “In” k paida honey sai pehley uncle kin k abba they? what did u used to call him? Even in late 40, khala used to
