I am sure almost all of us call our elders, even some we meet for the first time, “Uncle”. Americans (or non-desis) call their elders by either their first name, or by calling them “Mr. Smith”. If we were to call desi elders by their family names, they would get offended and start teaching us tameez lessons. i.e. if we call “Uncle Aslam” by saying “Mr. Aslam” or “Mr. Rahman”.
I find it very strange and I have a hard time by calling people “Uncle” whom I have never met in my life before. So, I am going to change it for my kids. I will teach them to call strangers or my friends by saying “Mr. Shahzad” instead of Uncle, because to me, your uncles and aunts are only your blood uncles only.
different cultures. different practices. So when in Rome, do as the romans do as I say. I felt like an idiot after my 1st visit to pak when I met the family of my intended....I gave them each a kiss on the cheek as is custom here but there, my GOODness. I also ate my fill at each of the parties cause the food was so good. Urp! Well i guess they are very good people, they accepted me with love anyway
Well my dada isn’t alive, and I ain’t staying in Pakistan for too long for them to raise a hell over that. They’ll just have to deal with it. I live in America and I will live by American traditions as much as possible, yet keeping in touch with my roots.
i.e. I don’t have a middle name and in our family, the father’s first name becomes the child’s last name. Instead of naming my children X Sohail, I plan to name them X Sohail Arshad. That way they will have a middle name as well as the family name will be kept from this point on, like the American culture.
EDIT: Mama, I just read your post and I agree. Living in America, I will adapt this culture as much as possible, yet keeping in touch with my roots. About the kiss, what was their reaction?
I'd have to call their reaction polite shock I guess. They looked surprised but were so gracious to me. I guess they realized that I was "un-initiated" lol!
Welll.. they are your kids and you have every right to teach them watever you want.
However, I wouldn’t want my kids to be laughed at/teased at/called ABCDs for calling someone Mr or Mrs, like I am laffed at And anyway, its just not a big issue with me, so maybe that’s why I wouldn’t mind if they called a desi Aunty or Uncle. I would definitely teach them to say Uncle or Aunty/baji etc if/when they ever visit Pak. With non-desis, it’s definitely Mr/Mrs.
Why is it in Pakistan, the father’s first name is the kid’s last name? In all my cousins, that’s the case with the daughters but wiht the sons, they have the father’s last name.
Mama, finishing ur plate is bad manners/strange?? That’s odd, i’ve never heard of it
**Shak brother **I understand and I also thought about it. But I guess my stance is that they won't be going to Pakistan as much. Most of my relatives are either in US or UK. My mom's brothers and parents, and dad's brothers and sisters are in Pakistan. We all really don't get along with each other that well, especially after they found out I was marrying someone outside of the family. So, I don't think I'll be going to Pakistan and staying at a relative's house.
However, I will teach them punjabi and urdu so if we do go back to Pakistan to visit (may be stay in a hotel or just visit (not live) some of the relatives), they are able to understand them as well as when they go out for shopping etc. I guess they can call them "Aslam **Sahab" **in urdu.
Sara as I said, our generation is growing up here, our kids will grow up here. You and I have different mentality than our parents. I am not sure about you, but I wouldn't mind if my friend's child would call me "Mr. Sohail" or "Sohail Sahab" because I am just not used to that. If someone in particular wants them to call Uncle and my kids find it easy, more power to them.
And I am not sure about finishing up the plate being bad manners, but I will tell you this: If you ever noticed, people don't finish their soft drink bottle. They ALWAYS leave some coke in it. It's considered cool but I find it cheap and proudy behavior.
Sweetpip that doesn't make you english. Like I said, most people have it that way but some people have family names as well. I am in favor of family names.
i know how u feel shikra....i find it a bit odd calling strangers uncle and aunty as well. however i dont want to offend anyone by calling them mr & mrs either. So i will sacrifice the akward feeling to make an elderly person happy. most likely i will end up teaching my kids the same.
Actually i wont even call someone aunty or uncle or mamoo or baji or phupo, i won’t even say someones name to their face, like “hey sohail how are yoU?” .but when referring to someone, ill use their name , no problem..i find it so weird, I dunno why..am i the only one who does this??
Well, Angel and Sara, instead of feeling this way (I sacrifice the awkward feelings and I will teach my kids the same), you should feel "I sacrifice the awkward feelings but I will change it for my kids". Why do you want to teach your kids the same thing you are stuck in and feel awkward about? I certainly wouldn't wanna do that. THAT is the time to correct what you felt doing wrong your life. I will teach my kids what I lacked so I see myself perfect in them. I find it awkward, therefore, instead of blaming it on the desi culture, I will actually do something about it: Teach them to call others with respect (Mr & Mrs), or at least give them a choice.
Saima I am not sure if you've been to Pakistan recently, but if you get called an "Aunty", that is NOT a good thing in Pakistan now days.
i understand what you are saying...i just cant do it. I dont want people thinking that my kids are being disrespectful. Perhaps our generation wone mind being called mr and mrs. I know i wouldnt mind if your kids called me that.
Saima I am not sure if you've been to Pakistan recently, but if you get called an "Aunty", that is NOT a good thing in Pakistan now days.
If my daughter is introduced to a new person (family friend), i will say he's Uncle. But I don't expect her to call him that. I just refer to him as Uncle because it's respectful.
And anyway, its just not a big issue with me, so maybe that’s why I wouldn’t mind if they called a desi Aunty or Uncle. I would definitely teach them to say Uncle or Aunty/baji etc if/when they ever visit Pak. With non-desis, it’s definitely Mr/Mrs. 
