but we have ruined our generations......

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

And my soon to be four-year-old says, "Mommy, why don't you go to work anymore? Daddy is working all the time, I want daddy to stay with us at home now." huh :(

22

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

ramsha is very right...the thing is to be in agreement with your partner. SOme people can be great parents while having dual incomes. Some want a stay-at-home mom. Its an individual thing that REQUIRES agreement on the part of both husband and wife in order to work well, esp for the littles. Myself, I can be a really good career gal - OR - a good stay-at-home mom. But i know I could not do both. At least not without BOTH home and work suffering! My hubby and I both wanted mom at home so it works out nicely for us all. The thing is to agree on what you BOTH want and to work out the details of how to make it work best for yourselves and your littles.

23

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

nice post.

24

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

Why get higher edu. if you dont intend to practice in your field?
Im sorry, kids and marriage contra carrier is not a big deal.
Its a choice and for some its cool to stay home having a MA
or whatever, but for others, merely being a mother/sister/daughter
is not enough. We should follow the example of first wife of Rasoolallah pbuh.
If it was possible then, so whats wrong at today's century?

I see kids having equally Islamic and strong fundament of edu. having working parents than house-wives getting bored and watching paki tv all day long.....
Those women loathe the working women, perhaps even envy them?
Its all a personal choice and quality time with kids can be planned and managed pretty well.

25

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

Decent_felow was unbanned eh :(

26

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

very true..the conditions are same in whole south asia particularly and in west in general.....no limits of boundaries....

27

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

ok very right...but sister ..how many out of 100's moms come home at same time when children come and leave when children leave...do not paste your single example on the majority ....

28

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

tell him that buliding nation is far superior than building dollars....

29

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

very true...it can be done mutually..but i will 100% agree with you...home and office cannot be taken parallely "equal" ...you have to suffer ..either home..or office... but most of the cases "both" !!!!!

30

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

Pathani, you missed a couple of things in your post. First, having an education and an advanced degree can never be a bad thing even when not fully put to use later on. An educated wife is often more attractive to a husband and better able to relate. Most wives who do have degrees have also worked for at least a while in their fields so they know that should the need ever arise, they will be able to go out there and earn a living for their family. They also know firsthand what the husband's work life is like and so are better able to talk with him about his day, his work, his career with real understanding. Once the kids are all in school, the degree may be put to use once again.

when you say that housewives are bored and watching tv all day...well thats a misconception I've heard often from ones without kids yet! I was never busier than now, with the 3 boys. I cant imagine watching tv all day. It would actually be EASIER to go to work every day!!! Not that I would but the point is that raising kids is more than a full time job. And even once they're all school-age and away all day, I may not return to the working world...so much I can do in the garden, the house, the kitchen, PTAs, school clubs, sports. This bored/angry housewife tale is really a myth i think.

Mera Dil ....
31

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

^ very nce post... i agree with you 100 %... the question is not whether you are middle pass...MA or post-doc fellow at the Artificial Intelligence Laboratory in MIT....!!!!! the basic pillar of house and children caring is mother and basic pillar of outside world...earn livelihood is father...Pathani sahiba.....do not try to shatter the norms of NATURE !!!!!!!!

32

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

actually the children are psycho because their mother do not give time to them !!!!!

the husband is psycho because when he come after long working hours..wife is either absent due to job or so tired due to her job that she do not give attention to her husband...!!!!

the wife is herself psycho because when she come home.."most" of the cases she has to cook food...look after house hold works....take care of children.....and other thousands of things...she has to double work..first in 8 hours on office and then at home......

she..poor wife is also human..she is not machine..she need rest..she need love from her children..she need affection of her husband...but nobody is satisfied ....all have thier own points..all have thier own comments.....

the children are unhappy...the husband is unhappy...the wife is "most" unhappy...but only one thing is happy......your purse....which is jingling with coins and pennies !!!!!!!!

what the use of this amount if you have no satisfaction and contetment of heart !!!!!!!!!!!!!

in Talmud it is written...when jews became out of control..they started every bad habbit..drinking..adultry..killing pious people etc.... in most houses of Jerusalem.....drinking and adultery is taken as anormal daily life work.....whenchristianity came...it saw all this...it went to other exreme ......thier great saints 40 40 years did not see a woman...if someone's mother came to meet him..he turned his face...in deserts nf jungles they went..."rahbaniat"...tarq-e-dunya.....nuns and priest forbidden to marry....now this is also against the laws of Nature that men and women are for each other ..you cannot live without that...so the result was that in all chuches there is graveyard behind or below in a secret place where all infantschildren from nuns and priests were burried so that common people could not know about that !!!!!!!

jews went on one extreme and christians on other but both lose.....in islam...there is middle-way...your half deen is completed on marrying ...marriage is very pious bond...and after that there is a seperation of works between spouses....mothers do the interior works and fathers do the exterior..as fatima(ra) did the cleaning of house.....grnd flour...and look upon husnain(ra) ..and ali(ra) worked in garden as a peasent to earn livelihood......this is the way that dated from pre-historic times.......

thats why the unique poet of history ..iqbal writes in persian...i do not know persian so i quote in urdu......

A muslim aurat ..apnay aap ko ghairmahram ki nigah sai mahfooz rakh to teri goad mai hussain(ra) paida ho ga !!!!!

a muslim aurat apni awaz ko quran sai jila bakhs kyoukai issi awaz nai khattabkai baitay umar(ra) ki taqdeer badal dee thee.....

But you see in"modern" times ..everything is changed...the women are now "independent" .....they earn thier own money...they have thier own pays...this kind of "self realization prestige and pride" have created such things which are poorly damaging the society ...... "i cannot live with your mother and sister... i cannot hear to your mother and nand "chikh chick " all the day... i come home a 6 pm...and your mother start giving her lecture...that i should take care of children...they are also your responsibility...... i do not bring them from "maikay"....arrange me a seperate home....i want new bank leased car....i want new furniture......the husband becomes hot..." I cannot afford your fazool kharchiyay" at this point....respect my moher..she is rue....the wife get furious......" i damn care about your mother... i earn my "own" .... i can arrange new furniture.... i do not "rely upon you"...mugh ko apni torhi si tankha ka tana mat do... i also have the same pay......now husband become out of control..."look..if you give your pay-reference in future... i will .........!!!!!

                          the fight goes on which at the end of months and years resulted in talaq... i am not saying thats the only reason..but let me say...one major big reason......thats why in recent years...the talaq-rates have grown exponentially.........due to this "self-pride" of pay !!!!!!!!

But "modern" West ..says...forget about the institution of house...forget about whether it breaks or constructed...let all women come out of house ...let all potentials be united...let men and women "equally" share to our "economy....these blood-suckers...industrialist...only think about how thier factory's output increased by 15 % yearly....these money-makers...only care about to make women as show-piece ......as a to all world so that there products demands increase drastically......"aurat bator hatiar" ...there formula.....even in a add of a razor blade cannot be completed without a women...make them out of house...give them the briht sparkling neon sign of "rights"... self-independence".......fund the NGO's for this...break the muslim institution of house ..... make them all move toghther in a society...blind them with the shine of money.......make women...the thing which is painted on hoarding boards and postrs on the streets that every men while going look upon them...these black money owners...only need money...where it comes from...how it comes from...no matter....this is industrial era...let all work "toghether"...we as West are already drowned...this little muslim ummah still firmly hold thier institution of house...so let us break this so that no one will dare to challenge our culture..let all be in one colur and same clothes.....just push aside the saying of Napaleon that give me good mothers and i will give you good nation....go the hell Napoleon...!!!!!! make them fool by the slogans of equality of women(they poor not know in islam men and women are not equal..women are at top !!!!)....... come on the streets.....shouting for"rights" ...and "equality"...LOL...women want equality although they have a higher place then men in every aspect( do not talk about "utopia" Pakistan ...if women are not treated well it has nothing to do with religion and islam...it has to do with 1000 years living with indians and other factions and adopting thier norms and behaviours toward women )...... let all women be fooled by our "industrial" slogans....let our factories be lighted day and nights...let our companies have tripple shift...go hell the instituion of house...go hell the shattering of bond between family...Paisa zindabad...rokra paindabad !!!!!!!

dear married sisters...

we have made some boom in eceonmy by letting 50 % of population in "action"...

we have made some growth by letting women in "practical" field......

we have increased our some assets by leeting women to exercisre thier skills.....

but beleive me !!!!!!

 we have ruined our generations......!!!!!!

the economy-loss can be recovered in 2 or 3 years........

but the loss of generation will take "generations"....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

33

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

Why have children. if you not gonna bother to raise them?

34

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

thankyou very much hareem01 for agreeing with my comments and views.. my blood increased from 5 to 6 litres ...LOL...i can now say that at least one girl is supporting my views...although it apparently seems to be against the women but acually they are not.....thankyou very much again ...

35

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

very good reply......

can a women aya or servant can be a substitute of a mother...can she give the same love...the same affection...the same morals...the same culture and norms to a child as a mother can do ....certainly not at all......bu we are mad for proving to the world that we can do anything ..move in the offices..and can grow up the economy...while child-raising and giving them proper caring and taleem-o-tarbiat now considered as old-fashioned...what a tragedy is this...we have lost nation-building process just for the sake of money..fame.....and "rights of women "
!!!!!!!
i do agree ...many a times..its very hard to come up with one's bread and butter...but this is only rare...most of the times....women went for jobs due to money and fame....

36

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

^ i went to work for the health insurance!:D

37

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

lol.....brother ...I'm mother of two boys and for them I've left TV, I've left my work and now for them I'm studying Islam and for them in future inshaAllah i'll complete my degree in Psychology.

Islamically I can work with my husband's permission.....and I did work ** for very short time** after having two children but then I did'nt like it at all...I used to miss my boys a lot infact I used to cry at work though I was only working for 1 day in a week.

38

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

yawns
i cant believe there are people that open threads like this in 2007 telling women they should be at home or in the office. sorry to disappoint you but there is no use fussing over the issue now. its simply too late. just sit back and watch. in this age of globalization, no society is isolated and women are well-aware of what they truly want. as with any age/society, if u dont adapt to inevitable change you will simply not survive.

i am happy to be part of this era when it is increasingly becoming acceptable for the woman to have the right to choose. if she wants to stay home or if she wants a career, she can do that. we are not cookies that come out of the cutter pre-designed for a certain function. we do not have similar inclinations. some of us might be more inclined towards house rearing while another probably doesnt find it too stimulating. we are individuals as are men. spend the time finding someone that best compliments your personality and leave the rest of us alone.

39

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

On a serious note, i think whether a mom should work or not completely depends on the CIRCUMSTANCES and the kind of job she is doing. For me, when i will return to school to complete my degree I am thinking more of majoring in education than psychology. So, by the time my kids are grown enough to go to school I would be strating my career as a school teacher, that way my job timing and my kids school timing will almost overlap each other. But then again not everyone is going to choose the teaching field, world is full of other fields that might interest other ladies. For that i would say work part-time, if you please, so that one of the parents is with the kids all the time. But thats just MY thought. Do whatever pleases and satisfies you. If you think you can maintain an euilibria, quite impossible tough, between work and home then go ahead and work full time. Now it is the time to show it to the world that children from working parents home are not really ignored.

As for me, I should agree that kids are ignored when both mom and dad are working full time. I have been there and experienced that. When i was working before my third one was born, it looked like we were always on the run, more take outs/less healthy apetite, lesser quality time with kids, more worries about daycare center and babysitter issues, and very little time for each other as a couple.

Plus, working in the childcare field, as an assistant director at a well known daycare center and then as a supervisor at the School Age Child Care at public schools, I know exactly what quality of care is provided to the children. No matter how much money you are spending, you are just buying a service and not the mothers'/fathers' love for your child. That always-so-welocoming-and-smiling teacher at the day care center doesn't care if you child has eaten/slept enough or if he/she has washed the hands properly after using the toilet. The daily chart that is handed to you by the end of the day never tells you whether the food that was offered that day was fully cooked or was that a left over from two days ago?? And that mommy-looking-babysitter, oh please, did she ever tell you how much time your child has spent in the crib/playpen/exersaucer/bouncy because he was crying and she just couldn't handle it. Do you know if your babysitter really reads 30 minutes daily to your child as was promised at the time of interview??? Sometimes kids go empty stomach all day just because they didn't like the food that was offered and the daycare staff/babysitter "just can't force them to eat." And last but not least, it is so sad to see that last child looking out the window time and again to check if his/her parent is here or not and then those watery eyes for why he/she is the only one left and all the other friends are gone already.

However, i will definately go back to work once my kids' pre-school era is over. Its not about independence, equal rights, or having my own money to spend. its something that makes me complete and gives me a feeling that me and my education is worthed.

PS: i feel myself more psycho now, taking care of three little rugrats 24/7. Although my hubby is more than cooperative and always helping me out whenever home, I still sometimes feel like going back to work and let another human (babysitter and/or my husband) to share and enjoy my kids experience with me. :D Meanie me!:) But no doubt, internally I am more satisfied, relaxed, and happier now than when i was working.

Gajni
40

Re: but we have ruined our generations......

these same husbands are sick.
they are dependent on women, to feed them with pacifiers - emotional, &psychological.

when they cannot come half way - they find ways to hide behind women.

noble, dignified, responsible men will never do it.

and these are the kinds of men, who must be credited for their honesty.

rest is Allah's reward or punishment - which he will accord at the right time to each one of the men - good and bad - BOTH.