I think her inlaws are against the financial expenses and lavish mehndi's not the event itself.. which is fine.
PS. glad everything worked-out, it's u're wedding and everyone shud enjoy their wedding!
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i hope INSHALLAH u ll have a Wonderful Mehndi 
Good Luck.
Thank you ladies!!! 
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tell them...if no dholki then no lerki aswell...
if they want lerki without the dholki then brace for their son to be used as a dholki by the wifey after shaadi. woh bajay ga...sur taal ke sath.
^Seriously PS, they cannot tell you where your family should be spending their money, that's just not right. Like alot of people said, do what you want to, it's YOUR wedding.
which surprisingly involves THEIR SON aswell. unless PsQ is marrying an alien.
My in-laws forbade my fiance from having anything to do with the Mehndi and wont budge. Upon pressuring them a bit, their response was "Mehndi ki rasam is a hindu tradition. Aap yahi paisa jake Eidhi foundation ko dedein aur kisi ghareeb ki shaadi karadein."
You could always let them know that Mehndi isn't a Hindu rasm at all. There was no henna in India before the Muslims came...the Turks and Persians brought it and all the customs associated with it from the Middle East. And the way Muslims celebrate Mehndi ceremonies in Pakistan & India today is virtually identical to the way its still celebrated in Turkey.
which surprisingly involves THEIR SON aswell. unless PsQ is marrying an alien.
:CareBear:
tell them...if no dholki then no lerki aswell... if they want lerki without the dholki then brace for their son to be used as a dholki by the wifey after shaadi. woh bajay ga...sur taal ke sath.
lol funny
which surprisingly involves THEIR SON aswell. unless PsQ is marrying an alien.
If 'their son' is being restricted then so be it.. she as the bride has every right to do what she wants. Like I said, it's HER wedding, she should do what she wants to.
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ok so i believe we are past the part where PS is actually doing the mehndi (which i think she is) and now im up to the part of, her inlaws are ok with coming to the mehndi as long as they dont contribute to it financially, but if they had to then they wouldnt come?
i guess the above shouldnt matter and u should just be very happy that u r getting to do this event and it should be more fun if the grooms side does come regardless of any financial matter. but it just sounds a bit selfish and that is if i even have the story right.
btw, my family paid for the entire mehndi event even though the grooms side was present and i think that is the tradition, that the girl's side pays for it but with more and more combined mehndis taking place i think a lot of people have begun sharing the expenses. that said, if someone comes out and blatantly says im not paying for the expenses, but i will come if im invited even though it will be my sons mehndi also is a bit selfish and rude.
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^ Yup, you've got it.
Initially, I had suggested a joint mehndi because I thought they would be having one also. They know a lot of people in Chicago and since his parents are in Pak, who would do all the organizing? I know he wont. So, we proposed a joint mehndi...they can invite all their friends and relatives and we can invite ours. I can organize the mehndi and wedding here and his sisters/bhabi/mom can organize the valima in Pak.
Then, we started discussing dates and when my parents suggested the wedding and mehndi be two days apart for out of town guests, his father basically said "humare yahan nahin hoti hai aur hum mehndi ka function karne ke qayl nahin hein. Hum chahte hein ke bache yahi paisa jake Eidhi Foundation ko dedein ya kisi ghareeb ki shaadi karadein". Thats very noble and I understand his position but again, it put me in a very difficult spot. How could I say no without sounding like a brat? We didnt answer at that point, said we would discuss it.
We talked about it again today and started chopping people off the guest list so we can end up with about 60 or so. I respect my in-laws suggestion so I wont have it on such a grand scale, Ill invite them and I will do additional sadaqah and donation. It just bums me out because I love our family functions. Kwim? They're a good time.
If 'their son' is being restricted then so be it.. she as the bride has every right to do what she wants. Like I said, it's HER wedding, she should do what she wants to.
I agree Shay!!! The only thing that has me worried is how some people said it can affect my relationship with them later.
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You have 2 issues here
a. Its your wedding and it should be a memorable experience for you
b. They are your inlaws who you will be spending the rest of your life with
Instead of doing a combined mehndi, Have a seperate one for your family alone, send the inlaws an invite and if they are that against it they can RSVP.
I agree Shay!!! The only thing that has me worried is how some people said it can affect my relationship with them later.
I wouldn't worry about that...
I agree Shay!!! The only thing that has me worried is how some people said it can affect my relationship with them later.
since they have agreed to attend your mehndi , therefore there will be issues later.
Once they attend your mehndi and see what fun it is they might convert and join the mehndi club.
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PS, You are not going to live with them in the same house the rest of your life. What matters the most in this is what you want and what your husband thinks about this. If he's supporting you then you have noone to worry about. Like you said, they are in a different country. And honestly speaking, if they turn out to be the kind of people who will look down on you and hold a grudge against you for having YOUR mehndi at the time of YOUR shaadi so YOU can have fun then I think that's really pathetic and shallow. God knows what else they will hold against you if they cannot let go of something like this. Granted that their idea is logical of donating money to charity and all but isn't it also fair that they realize that look, this is not just a happy time for us but also the bride to be and her family and if they want to do something to celebrate then let them do it without making a big deal out of it. The bride's and groom's happiness and wishes come first before any amma, abba, chacha, khala, or whoever.. they need to realize that asap.
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aik mehndi ki rasam ke liey itna bara risk lena aqalmandi nahe...but like ppl said...its her wedding...so PSQ...it will be ur headache aswell if they ever decided to make it into an issue afterwards. u have to understand one thing...in relationships its always the smallest non significant thing that creates the biggest tsunami. in my opinion...both families should sit and discuss over such things rather that to go with ITS MY WEDDING attitude. ofcourse its your wedding...special day...but still u'll be part of THEIR family for the rest of their lives. things/issues related to marriage tents to alive for ever and thus the headache and constant bakbak.
Well isn't it going to be weird, that you invite your in-laws and they don't show up?
It just looks odd to me..I would rather do in a girls-only dholki way..in a very low-profile manner. And this way your in-laws wont even have a problem with it. At the same time, you guys could do all your activities as planned.
Anyway, I think your a very mature person who understands how important it is to stay on good terms with your in-laws, especially in our culture (doesn't matter if you live with them or you don't). Am sure its your big day and all that, but would you want to celebrate things by making some people unhappy who mean a lot to your future hubby? I guess not. Think about the bigger picture.
All the best!
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things/issues related to marriage tents to alive for ever and thus the headache and constant bakbak.
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The only one who will have the headache/bakbak is most likely the person who gave up whatever she wanted to do and the people she "gave up" for really won't remember or give a damn.
Avoiding a conflict is no good reason to give up something you truly love and cherish.