We’re in the process of setting dates for my wedding and so far so good. The dates are being set for sometime in June of 2009, Inshallah.
The problem is, my in-laws are strictly against Mehdni ki rasam. In my family we do a BIG blow out Mehndi for the ladies so the girls can get to dance and have an awesome time. On the wedding, we dont dance because its a mixed event and my parents are a bit on the conservative side. We do speeches, dinner, singing because people in my family love to sing, etc. My in-laws forbade my fiance from having anything to do with the Mehndi and wont budge. Upon pressuring them a bit, their response was “Mehndi ki rasam is a hindu tradition. Aap yahi paisa jake Eidhi foundation ko dedein aur kisi ghareeb ki shaadi karadein.” I understand that, but my family is very very active already in giving charity, sadaqah, niaz, etc. Mashallah, they do a lot.
Its my Mehndi man…I dont want to give it up but I feel almost ashamed of having one after hearing that. On the other hand, its a family tradition! My sisters’ Mehndis lasted until 4am! I would feel cheated letting it go…
mmmmm... psquad ya u r rite.. can feel fo u gal... bt at the same time ur inlaws are on the rite track (unfortunately)....
after all shadi 1 dafa hoti hai yar ;) n mehandi has its own charm.... m olso confused at ths point.... plz ither members suggest her sm near lines...
Yea, go for a Mehndi without the in-laws... just do ur own family mehndi and enjoy to the fullest... its ok if they don't do one. I know a family where they didn't had a Mehndi but the other side did a full Mehndi with dhol, bhaangra etc etc...
yup even i agree on tht...have a blast on mehndi but without ur in laws cuz whts the point having them all in the mehndi with their moods upset...u wont even enjoy if they attend it with a bad face....just tell them tht we'll have a small mehndi rasam at home itself just to follow our family tradition...dun inform them tht u'll spend alot on mehndi n stuff..keep it a secret n enjoy!!! gud luk!!
I am also in favour of a modest mehndi... you can have a blast without spending too much money. A modest nikah and a full blown valima.
We have started spending too much money on 'pre-marital' rasams ;) they take days/weeks.. you loose time/money.... you induce a sence of inferiority in not-so-fortunate relatives and friends... there is a lot of politics involved.
a "dholki" can incorporate all the rasams/dancing/dholak you want to keep.
plus a dholki vs a mehendi is a free pass to not invite the in-laws to it.
if you must have an event, keep it modest, so as not to offend the in-laws.
these things have a way of biting you in the ass later on.
i understand where you are coming from.. but in my opinion its totally not worth upsetting your inlaws over something like this.. i like Gina's idea of having a dholki instead
you are about to start your new life and you dont want them (in laws) to be upset and have kind of resentment towards u.. its true you only get married once but you also have to spend rest of your life with them too and your definatly dont want to start your new life like this ..
Good Luck on whatever you decide and i hope and pray that things work out in a manner which will please everyone :)
mmmmm... psquad ya u r rite.. can feel fo u gal... bt at the same time ur inlaws are on the rite track (unfortunately)....
after all shadi 1 dafa hoti hai yar ;) n mehandi has its own charm.... m olso confused at ths point.... plz ither members suggest her sm near lines...
You're right, and isn't it an old tradition in Pakistan that both sides have seperate mayun/mehndi before the new tradition of combined ones came through? You're only going to get married once, do what you feel like so you don't have regrets later. Your inlaws might have a problem with participating in the mehndi but I am sure they won't say much if you were to host one on your own. Gina's idea of a dholki style mehndi is great.
Hey there should b mutual understanding...its not jus don't invite ur in-laws... just tell them that ur having Mehndi on ur side and even send the invite to them.let them know if they don't want to participate its totally fine with u guys...
And YES, by just doing the whole dholki type Mehndi thing without telling them can be a big prob for u later.So, just make sure what ever u do, they know :)
mehndi rasm is usually a day held seperately for boy and girl (usually)... if they are so against it.. then do the mehndi with just your family. woh apnay ghar ki rasmay nibhaye, you follow ure family traditions.. thats how it works in weddings outside of family and diff cultures. :)
I'd have a dholki with a small mehndi rasm, invite you're in-laws and if they decline, that's fair enough.
If they're all big on charity, you could ask wedding guests to donate to the eidhi foundation instead of giving presents to you. That's what a friend did, and felt much happier doing that then receiving a lot of gold instea.
Its not that big of a deal, doing your own mehndi with only your family in it, its just the latest trend having the groom there! I know i'll be having atleast 5-6 dolkies with a mehndi and they wili be all girls and no grooms because then no one can dance.
i agree will above...have a mehndi, if u dont ull always think abt in the future (specially when u attend others mehndi)...invite ur in-laws and if they dont come thats ok too. enjoy ur mehndi.
just wondering what is ur inlaws opinion abt dolkies???
yup, i have to agree with everyone here- have a family mehendi for your side, but don't hide it from the inlaws. that would be immature. tell them you're having it for your own family. your family can make a donation to some charity on behalf of all of your guests if you wish. mehendi's are fun events and you're clearly bummed about not having one- if its the kind of thing that might make you resent your inlaws/hubby down the line, then really its not worth not having one! there has to be understanding and give/take on both sides... no one is forcing them to participate, after all!
Hy, Congrats my family is setting my dated about the same time too:hugz:
i think u should just have a party anywayz, Party heavy untill the early hours and do what ever u would do on a normal Mehndi, just dont call it a “Mehndi party”…
what is a dholki style mehndi? as long as u have a mehndi rasm it's a mehndi event i believe. unless u just dont want to tell the inlaws that its a mehndi.
a mehndi, although a hindu tradition is so ingrained in the paki culture, not muslim culture, that it really has become a tradition for many paki families including mine so i do think ur inlaws are a bit wrong in suggesting not to do it specially when this rasm brings joy to u and your family. and having a grand wedding with a huge valima is not islamic also. the right thing for them to do would be to come to ur house, do the nikkah, not eat anything and drink only water, congratulate everyone and leave and then have a reception from their side, islamically speaking. and ofcourse all that jahez with giving presents to all the grooms family members would also not be included.
so do what makes u and ur family happy. obviously u dont want to upset the in laws. have ur mehndi the way u want to. make sure to invite them but dont pressure them into coming. have ur parents tell them that its a big part of weddings in ur family, or that all ur relatives are pressuring u guys into having it cuz everyone in ur family has it, etc. hope it works out. good luck!
