@Psquared the same thing happened to two of my cousins. Basically to get the point across to them we told them it was for the joy of the family so it was okay if they did not want to come and participate as we understood their principles but loads of people from diff countries were coming to the wedding so we did a family only mehndi. Try to reach a understanding at both families understand. Also how does ur future hubby to be feel about this ????
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*Same goes with me... My inlaws are strictly against MEHNDI thing so much so that when they properly proposed me, they say it on the same day.... My family (I mean my cousins are too much into mehndi thing) (My parents are ok with it ie mehndi or no mehndi)... So do I.... Com'on man these all are little things.. If you want to enjoy your wedding have your OWN mehndi (not with the groom)... we do the same (inviting my own cousins)... *
And yeah don't get ashamed of this! There are people who are searching for such things to create mis-understanding between you and your inlaws, dont give them any chance..... Fine, say them that your inlaws are not in favour... And I think you should at least appreciate it (before all its a hindu rasm)
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Psqaured - definately do a mendhi. It's the more fun days anyways! Skip in the inlaws. I think you will have more fun and dance away. You will be less conscious of them being there and not being happy about the situation in the first place.
Just keep it for the girls side. Don't talk about it too much as it may stir up bad feelings. Keep the preperation hush hush just within your family. No need to over indulge on the information on how big it is and isn't with the inlaws.
Get your mom involved and say to our in laws
"is mein bachoon ke khusi hai" or "this only happens once in their life - let them enjoy" or straight that "umharay hai to rasam hoti hai"
and have a great time...
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I agree on doing a mehendi without the inlaws. Invite them but make sure they know they are not obliged to participate. I know of a wedding that just happened in Pak and there was no mehendi function but they did a dinner only thing, and on the wedding day, the dulha refused to get dressed as one and did not even wear a garland. He wanted a very simple wedding. Same with my sister's, her inlaws dont do videos so my parents are paying for the valima video as well, mainly for me since i am not attending.
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awww, is it for ur health reasons ur not attending..?
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but if u was to do a Mehndi with out the blessing of ur inlaws wont tht be kinda going against their wishes?
Remember a Mehndi is just one day, and u have a whole life time to spend with the in-laws, so make a wise decision......
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If you want to gain respect in your in laws family you should give in and forget your traditions. It is a man's world in desi families still. You cannot win them over till you win their hearts after your wedding. This issue seems to be at a point now where even if you have an all female and bride's side mehndi it might be a big blow to egos of your in laws so you and your family should handle this very delicately.
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^I strongly respectfully disagree.
1- it is not a man's world. yes, in some desi families the man is the overpowering figure and that is only if u let it be. and if u dont do this mehndi you will pretty much be giving in to the groom's side. reverse the situation and think if u were to tell the man's family not to do something they strongly wanted to, would they stop?
2- u dont gain the groom's family's respect by not doing the mehndi. a mehndi without ur inlaws should not concern them as long as they were invited. u respect their wishes of not forcing them to come even though u would want this to be combined affair, and they should respect ur wishes that u guys want a mehndi. first they tell u not to have a mehndi, and second what? they are gonna ask u to clean clothes with ur hands instead of the washing machine? will u oblige then?
the only way to earn respect is to show them ur point of view and respect theirs. not to forget ur traditions and forget ur joys. sorry i disagree!
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my in-laws had the same problem too(that's a separate story that their 'islam' allowed them to do a full fledge mehndi for my SIL.i have seen many families bringing in this issue for their son's wedding.they know that larki nay tau aana he aana hai.they just want to avoid spending money probably.religion ka bahana aisa hota hai keh agla kuch keh bhi nahin sakta.)anyways,we did our function.i even played dholki :D it was more fun i guess.
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^Dholki is way more fun.....
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even i disagree,, let them have their fun.... and why not enjoy the wedding the way u'd like to.I mean really till the rukhsati the girl is at her parents home(should feel free to do what ever she'd like to), i myself attended a mehndi where they had a blast and the other party did nothing, i guess just had dinner at their home,with the close family.
Let us know PS, hows it goin, the date fixing process?
^Dholki is way more fun.....
Totally agree, dholkiz are sooo much fun.. u can dance, sing what ever u like esp if its girls only party..
but Mehndi's are fun too,but kindv of a formal func. where as, dholki is all homely enjoyable thing. :)
If you want to gain respect in your in laws family you should give in and forget your traditions. It is a man's world in desi families still. You cannot win them over till you win their hearts after your wedding. This issue seems to be at a point now where even if you have an all female and bride's side mehndi it might be a big blow to egos of your in laws so you and your family should handle this very delicately.
WHAT???? - I think Mirch being sarcastic. It may seen like a big issue now but 2 years from now no one is going to care! If you don't make a big deal out of it - they won't either. just make your parents say - "we are doing this". End of discussion.
You want memories of you having a good time with your family and cousins at the mendhi - have the mendhi. You are going to resent them if you don't.
I wish I put more input my wedding instead of being such a compromising person because it's not something you can RE DO again. Like maybe next time...
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njgal, did u not have a halla gulla or BIG wedding..? hope ur getting my point..
i do understand what u mean, cz for time being ur like leave this leave that (may b financial reasons or whatevr) but later u WISH u had done it all....after all its once in a life time.(Allah k fazal se) :)
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she is not supposed to follow them before getting married.if it is a man's world type family,woh sub baad may he pata chalay ga na..tub ki tub daikhi jayegi..filhal she is free to do whatever she wants to.they have told that they are against doing it..they have not insisted that she shouldn't do it either.tell them you are not giving the jahez and expensive gifts for the MiL,SIL,etc or groom's watch&salaami&donating that all to edhi :D
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^ hehehe :D
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hum sub mil kar PS koi ulti patti-yaan tau nai parhaa rahay?? :D
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That k wo Mehndi kere....... lol.
btw heard ur a wonderful dholki player, plz do come to my dholkiz as no one really know how to play a dholak :(
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when and where is your mehndi?