Sometimes when somebody dies and I have to say something to console a friend or relative, I just can’t honestly say, “buhat afsos hua”. Because I really don’t have any emtions over the tragedy someone else is going through. I can say the words but they sound fake.
What should one say in those moments?
Some tragedies hit home more than others, but im always at a loss to say what.
A while back a very close friend of my father got murdered, i was on the phone with his family and i really didnt know what to say.
Just recently a friend of mine told me his mother died, his father had died earlier, once again i was short of words.
What should one say at such moments ?
I know what u mean fingus, I just say it in english, : I m sorry of the loss, but be strong.
At such times words arent enough.However, you can try to imagine how you would feel you lost somebody very close to you.Just say you'll pray for them and try to find some comforting words.You cant possible be emotionless over such a thing.
I have the same problem funguy. You don't learn how much something hurts until you go through it. Ofcourse the death of anyone is not we should be looking forward to anxiously, but still, I just can't really mean it when I say "Buhat afsos hua" because honestly speaking, I have no idea what the other person is going through. It sounds so vague.
Waiting for answers
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Originally posted by Muslim_Queen: *
At such times words arent enough.However, you can *try to imagine how you would feel you lost somebody very close to you.Just say you'll pray for them and try to find some comforting words.You cant possible be emotionless over such a thing.
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Ofcourse not emotionless, fungi likes to exagerate :o
But sometimes its hard to feel the others pain. And its hard to say soemthing to a person who s in such a deep pain :(
Prae Iv been in such a situation many times.Usually holding their hand or a hug helps.Its a very sad moment, and most people feel that others cant understand their pain.But you can say inshAllah things will get better.And so on.Comforting words help.
I make jokes when I'm nervous or uncomfortable, so i usually end up pissing of the mourning party with inappropriate jokes. Funguy, you oughta try that.
just say,,,
Allah ki marzi thi ji, jaana to hum sab nay hay,,, buss hossla rakhain... allah sab pe mushkillain laata hay... be strong.
Don't say anything FG, just a normal hand shake and sit down. Say fateha and leave.
Sabah, good advice. That's exactly what I have done in the past. But I thought it wasn't enough or appropriate enough. I guess it is the most honest display.
Thing is, that mostly you would say something about a person that you have never met, let alone you knowing that person at all. Then it is really hard to honestly say "Bohot afsoos hua". However if I feel that it would make the mourning person feel better, I´d do it.
Otherwise KAKA-ATOM-BUM´s phrase is ok. Because it does not personally involve you, but still you are consoling the person.
I never say anything...but a hug..a handshake and I say "If you ever need me.. I'm right here"
dont say anything jsut be there..
FG, one other thing you can do beside offering a prayer for maghfirat of the deceased is ask about the deceased. Trust me it helps....it depends if you knew the person. I can tell you from my persoanl experience that it really helped when people asked me about my brother...even the strngest of questions...like how old was he? where was he working? etc.
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*Originally posted by KAKA-ATOM-BUM: *
just say,,,
Allah ki marzi thi ji, jaana to hum sab nay hay,,, buss hossla rakhain... allah sab pe mushkillain laata hay... be strong.
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These words are good....but dont say them if yo do not mean them. Trust me grieving person will know the difference.
tell them that you'll be there for them, and lend them a shoulder to cry on?
wait a month or two, (i guess after 40 days right?), and then take the person/family out (if they're close).
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*Originally posted by PyariCgudia: *
wait a month or two, (i guess after 40 days right?), and then take the person/family out (if they're close).
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Pardon my ignorance, What does 40 days have to do with anything?
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*Originally posted by Kaleem: *
These words are good....but dont say them if yo do not mean them. Trust me grieving person will know the difference.
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As a recipient of such words I agree.
It's better not to say anything if you really dont' mean them.
"Allah us ko Jannat mein jeggah day, wo humaree duaon mein hain" would be good too.
mourning period? Some families like to observe a mourning period.